SS9 just started the fourth grade. Phone calls with him lately have not been very positive. He hates school outside of seeing his friends, gym, and lunch/recess because he says he knows all the classroom material and is bored out of his mind. He also told DH that he is hating football, which is ironic since BM fought tooth and nail in court to prevent parenting time (and won) due to SS' love of football. 

BM sent DH the state testing results from Spring 2021 testing that were delayed due to COVID. This standardized exam covered math only. She said SS scored "off the charts" and is so wonderful. BM also said this when SS was 6 and when DH reviewed the report, SS scored "average" at best, yet BM was pushing to get him into a gifted/talented program, which SS was rejected from... After SS was rejected from said program, SS was immediately diagnosed with ADHD a week later - although BM didn't put him on medication. She just notified the school, added the diagnosis all of his academic records, started "mindfulness" exercises with SS and demanded that DH pay $800 for her and GF to attend a "special needs parenting class" which DH refused to pay.

So anyway, back to this year's results, I'll be damned if SS didn't literally score a perfect score on this state exam.  DH was really surprised. DH was going to respond asking if BM was looking to enroll him in a gifted/talented program or work to accelerate his class work. I told DH to not even touch that topic with BM because her response will be: "Eff off, I'm the sole custodial parent so it's all my decision... I don't have to notify you of my choices... oh but pay me $x for this special program, book, class for SS since SS is sooo gifted..." or something of that nature. DH agreed and decided to just respond with "Thank you for the information." We have learned not to get involved in actual parenting decisions. It never ends well - always leading to a massive fight with BM and ends with her asserting her dominance and us getting our hands slapped for overstepping. 

I told DH that I feel bad for SS9. It's clear that he is burning out because the pressure to live up to being BM's trophy child is too much. He never has time to just be a kid. BM and her narc tendencies have always demanded that SS is the best at everything - the best athlete, best student, etc. She has always paraded him around as her super smart, super athletic son who is only that way because of her stellar genetic material and amazing single parenting skills. Yes, BM is academically very smart, but she has the common sense of a rodent which has been evident in so many basic life situations. SS has told us that BM and GF do absolutely nothing with him. If he isn't at school, after school care or sports (which is all the time), then he is at home alone in his room or pawned off on friends at their houses. DH and I have acknowledged that there is very little we can do and we are trying to let SS figure it (the PAS) out on his own. I think he is starting to put the pieces together because we always have such a great time as a family when he is here. We continue to be supportive of SS always and cherish the visitation we have together, no matter how limited. 

DH and I found out a few weeks ago that we are having a baby girl! I am feeling much better lately - no more morning sickness. I am 15 weeks now. DH and I are over the moon and we cannot wait to meet her in February. DH said he is so excited to finally get to be a parent who actually has a say in parenting decisions, rather than the "fun uncle" Dad who sees SS 6 weeks per year with no form of decision making ability. I am still apprehensive about telling SS at Christmas and dealing with the feelings that may come with that announcement, since I know BM will use this to super PAS SS. Since we live in a two bedroom apartment - even though the baby and SS will never overlap in this space - I know it will be an issue. DH and I were already looking at buying a house after she's born, so it's likely that SS will never even know his room became a nursery, since he comes at Christmas and then likely won't be back until next May. DH keeps reminding me to take it one day at a time and not worry about SS or BM's reactions to our baby.