Has she been taken over by Pod People??

I ended up attending SD25's bridal shower. ISH. MIL called and did not want to attend alone. She is darn near 80 and a TERRIBLE driver. Add to that, the shower was being held over an hour away. Oh, happy joy. I called SD28 to ask if she'd like to carpool. YES. Thank goodness, because....

The drive was irritating. MIL chatters on endlessly (DH only calls her when he's on his way to work so he can manage the time he had to spend talking with her). Halfway there, I was ready to stuff a sock in her mouth - how on earth do people talk soooooooo much without getting cotton mouth?! Gads. 

When we arrived, I let MIL and SD28 go in ahead of me (war tactic, lol). Cue BioHo.

Ho: Oh, hiiiiiiiiiiiii, MIL. It's SO nice to SEE you!!! (I just got a cavity)
MIL: Hello, BioHo.
Ho: Do you remember my aunt, B!tchface?
MIL: No. We've never met. How do you do?
BF: Fine. (personality to match the face)
Ho: (to SD28) OH. Why are you here?
SD28: I was invited. Hello, Aunt B!tchface.
BF: Hello, dear.
Ho: Oh, hiiiiiiiiiii, Aniki. I thought you had to work. I'm SO glad you could come! (Yeah, I almost threw up in my mouth)
Me: Hello. Change of plans. (then thankfully...) Hello, SD25!
SD25: Hi, grandma! Hi, Aniki, Hi, SD28!! I'm so glad you're all here!
Ho: You can all sit by me!!!!!
SD25: (unknowingly to the rescue?) Actually, Bridesmaid asked them to sit with her and her mom.
Ho: (eyes narrowing, lips compressing) Oh. FINE. (flop smacks away on two different flip flops - what IS that crap?!)

I've already said how much I loooooathe baby/bridal showers and all of the silly games. This was NOT an exception. I was ready to bang my head against a brick wall within 15 minutes. The giggling, the games.... I'd rather have a root canal. Make that TWO.

The Ring Game 
Everyone gets a cheap metal ring. If you get caught saying "bride" or "wedding", the person who catches you gets your ring. The person with the most rings at the end of the shower wins a prize. Stoic Aniki barely spoke, and kept her ring. However, she did not collect any other rings.

Musical Bouquet
Like Musical Chairs, but you sit in a circle and pass around a bouquet (silk flowers). If you're holding it when the music stops, you're out. Last woman left wins a prize. I kept an eagle eye on the MOH and was one of the first eliminated. Woo hoo!

Purse Raid
It's a scavenger hunt in your purse. My purse is TINY and contains: DL, some cash, CC, lip balm, and a bandana. That's it. Thankfully, I was able to stay silent the entire time. The winner of the big prize had a pair of half-eaten edible underwear in her purse. *bad*

The Best Cocktail
Willing to bet a bottle of Blantons that this was BioHo's idea. Teams compete to concoct the best cocktail with the available ingredients. The bride chooses her favorite and that team wins. I'm sad to say, my team won that contest. Sad because I didn't want to win ANY stupid game. However, SD28 was on my team and egged me on to do my best and for the other 3 to let me "do your thang". Who guessed that BioHo sampled all of those cocktails after SD25? 

So now we have a tipsy 'Ho who is louder and louder. Yay. MIL HATES intoxicated people (courtesy of her now-deceased H [her 3rd H] who pickled his liver to death) and was ready to go and played the "I'm old and tired" card. THANK GOODNESS! Because 'Ho had SD28 cornered and SD28's face was blotchy and she was ready to cry. I hurried over and said, "SD, your grandma is tired and wants to leave now. Let's go say goodbye to our hostess." Gently grasped her elbow and pulled her away without a word to 'Ho.

I hope I never have to go to another freaking bridal shower for the rest of my days. Ugh.