We were already at a Mon-Mon schedule. When distance learning happened, she decided that for whatever reason SHE wanted to change to Wed-Wed schedule (something to do with ROTC and the camera being on).

The Bio parents are generally very lenient with her and let her get away with things because shes generally decent. If she strongly wants something they generally give it to her if its possble, and generally they are small things (violin, ipad,etc).

Ive been told "this is what teens do, they try to negotiate everything, its a part of their individuation process".

Well, having a weekend alone is a part of MY individuation process.

Yes, she will approach her father (when shes at our house) state her problem/issue/complaint and then her solution/wishes, and why it benefits her. She has multiple agendas. Her stated and hidden. The stated agenda was that she doesnt have enough clothes and "things" at either house (easy to fix, bring things with you or pick up on the way...). The hidden agenda is that she doesnt want to go an entire weekend without being able to talk on the phone to Kansas City. She wants to have her room every weekend. Causing us to not have ANY weekends to ourselves. I see what she is doing.

How much to tell DH? I get burned everytime I reveal too much or talk about it too much. He just needs to know parameters and why, Period.

Ive told him many times  "the child does not dictate our schedule"

I just happened to be in the room.

And DH gets confused when she "puts him on the spot". Especially after a long day at work. I have to coach him...I know that sounds really bad, but he was strong when he was solid about the schedule. For some weird reason hes forgotten that this is what was on before, so we are just geting back to that.

I did say "hey we will be gone Sundays...we will be off doing things, so youd end up with Monday anyway you look at it". Because no house key...

I have the feeling that she understands that if she gets him alone and "activates her mother to her cause", she will have a better chance of "winnn=ing her case". Because it will be them against evil SM.

And Im already making my plans in case it goes the other way. But Sundays are my day to relax alone, or our day to go and have breakfast and laze around and do chores sometimes. I just want my weekends!

Ive thought of orchestrating things so that we are so late and tired, he HAS to do pu/do on Monday. That has happened many times where he is just too tired to pick up, get in the car, drive over, because Toxic Troll does no trasnport. It was mentioned, but of course SD doesnt care about the inequality of this.

She wants what she wants.

We have a very active life. And It breaks up the weekend.

I just started reading about this. She has lenient parents and shes the Golden Child. Generally shes decent and ok, and doesnt really ask for too much. Not much of a problem. So when she has "issues" or complaints, they try to accomodate.

I know - one of the things that bothers me about the parenting style is that DH hates saying no to anyone (issue), and when he sais no to her he always feels like he has to have a good justification. A reason. No means no, but he doesnt follow that, I have tried.

HMMM. Trying visualise Monday through Sunday. What that would look like. It still breaks up the weekend for DH, because he does all trasnport, no matter who house shes at. Its ALWAYS a hassle. In addition to every weekday transport.

Yeah. School-gate. She asked for my help getting her grades up and turned out she just wanted to avoid conflict with her parents.

When I actually did what I said I would she "activated" her mother, accusing me of harrassing her, so her mother accused me of abusing her.

She has learned to lie and manipulate and re-write history. At least its not random - she had a goal - to keep her contact with a bestie, Kansas City, whom shes on the phone to each and every day for hours.

Long story in a nutshell version.

Hope you are well.