Ho no!! I have sent gifts for showers I have not attended and it works out well because they get a gift and I don't have to pretend to enjoy being there.

I also strongly dislike baby showers ! When I was pregnant with my first I made very clear to everyone I did not want to have a baby shower, yet many friends pressured me to have one, with one friend in particular 'offering' (pushing) to organise it, provide the venue, etc. I ended up having one !!! It was AWKWARD, don't like being the center of attention, don't understand why other people would want to sit around all day just celebrating the fact I'm pregnant lol, playing games such as measuring my belly...dear... ny second baby is a lockdown baby so no baby shower due to Covid ! Yupi (one good thing about the freaking pandemic)

and those silly games of having to call to "ask" for your address when she knows perfectly well the address, deaary me 

I feel your pain 

send a lovely gift and a lovely card and done '!

Do not go.  Make up anything to avoid that car crash event.  Even without the presence of 'Ho, I'd try to skip it.  I have always loathed bridal shower/hen-dos.  When it came time for mine, I insisted that 4 of us go out for a nice dinner.  No tiaras. no sashes, no game, no nothing!

Send a super nice gift.  But something 'Ho can't steal or destroy.

Send a gift and offer up to SD that you and DH will take her and FH out to dinner one night to "make up for it".

Not gonna lie, I like the purse scavenger hunt game. I'll even pre-prep a bag for it. But I like to spice things up: add a lacy red thong, pocket rocket, roll of condoms, bottle of lube - you name it, add it to the bag. They'll never call those in a scavenger hunt, but it makes party games MUCH more interesting when a pair of nipple clamps just haphazardly fall onto the floor and someone's toddler says "Mommy, what's this?"

I embrace my crude and vile side.

I'd tell the bride to be that I won't be able to come to the shower but I'd love to have a nice lunch just the two of us instead and then give her a small gift then.

Skip the shower.  I'm with you, I detest them, BioHo or not.

I hate showers too I didn't even really want to have one myself when I was pregnant, and I got out of having one when I got married. 

Send your regrets but don't send a gift. One gift for the wedding is plenty. 

I would normally advise stepmoms going to showers for the sake of diplomacy.  But in this case, no.  She is just way too unstable for you to be around.  Id send a nice gift and your regrets.  I'm sure your SD will understand.

Do you know her size?  Otherwise guess and send a nice nightgown type thing?  I wouldn't attend but I would send the gift since you guys are kind of in good standing.  I loathe showers too.....all of that nonsense.

If SO and I get married not a chance in hell I would have shower. NO WAY. Can't stand them. Gift opening.. ugh. 5 minutes in tables are all having their own side convos! Haha. Everyone seems to dislike them but, everyone still has them. Another weird society rule. 
 

Send a nice gift and after the shower date do lunch. Sounds like a much better idea. And no HO to ruin it! 

Get a picnic basket and fill it up with paper supplies in all those God awful colors she chose  for pictures.  Also include a picture frame.  Empty.   LOL.  Of course if you never return her call the invitation might not come.  chance you'll have to take.  Bummer.  LOL 

but I'll be going to one soon since Ss is getting married at the end of the year.

I haven't seen Bm for years so I just can't wait........NOT!!!!

I hate hate them too. I only attended my sisters (also under duress - long story) and a couple very good friends.

All others I politely decline and send a nice gift.

I also hate bridal showers, esp. weekend long ones.

OMG I loath them as well.

I would send a gift.

I would hid my car in the garage AND hid myself in the house all day. Can you imagine if you were out and about and someone saw you. ????? HEHEHEEHE

Jesus, Mary and Joseph, The stuff we have to do sometimes. LOL

I wouldn't go...but I would send a gift...something wonderfully thoughtful to help sd with the PTSD she is likely going to experience in agreeing to her allow her mother to hijack her wedding... like a taser with a large recent picture from the beach debacle of the bride of chucky's (AKA BIO HO) face attached to a target or a bottle of BM's favourite tipple laced with valium in readiness for the wedding morning*diablo*