Thursday had us up when it was still dark for family pHOtos. Refresher: https://www.steptalk.org/blog/aniki/family-photos-bioho-269401

No, DH and I did NOT buy the shirts dictated by BioHo. Nor did we follow her color scheme demand - bright orange polo for men; screaming yellow babydoll for women. DH was sporting a light apricot, short-sleeve, button-down shirt with tiny blue tikis all over it and was rocking a white straw hat with a blue band (quite a change from the king of bill caps!). I had on a peach, short-sleeve, button-down shirt with little cream palm fronds.

Evil Aniki was pleased to see that none of our houseguests had purchased ‘Ho’s “requirements”.  SS21 had on a marigold colored Hawaiian shirt with large white hibiscus flowers and his future wife was rocking a white swing shirt with sunflowers.  SD25 had on a butter yellow, cap-sleeve, v-neck pullover tee. Her fiancée was wearing a polo, but it was pale orange. *diablo*

DH and I filled our thermos and travel mugs with java, then we convoyed to Starbucks so the youngsters could get some overpriced frou-frou. Away we go!

We arrived at our destination with time to spare. SD28 and family and SS18 were standing a good 10 feet away from ‘Ho, who was sitting on a bench with her mother and Spawn. Pinhead was standing next to them. SS18 and Pinhead were dressed as commanded. A sullen-looking Spawn and ‘Ho wore that fugly yellow babydoll and ‘Ho looked 11 months gone with twins. ‘Ho’s shirt from the last 3 years of graduations? Her poor mother had that on. At least ‘Ho didn’t insist an 80-something woman wear that ickle babydoll…

Double Evil Aniki's pleasure to see SD28 in a light yellow tank top, her DH wearing a light orange tee, and their boys in white tees with tropical scenes.

‘Ho wasted no time flop-smacking (yes, she was wearing flip flops – one green, one hot pink) up to DH and demanded why he didn’t answer (DH ignored 3 calls while we were en route).

DH: Because we were on our way. And we’re 10 minutes early, at that.

Ho: You coulda answered.

DH: ~crickets~

Ho: What the f*ck are you wearing? That’s not what I said to wear!!

DH: ~crickets~

Ho: Buncha ign’rant f*ckers. Nobody f*ckin’ listens. Hey all! I gotta bar in my car! ~flop-smacks to the open hatchback and cackles~ Watcha drinkin’?

A chorus of “coffee” and “latte” came from our overnight guests. SD28 looked at me, rolled her eyes, and took a sip out of her convenient store coffee cup (her DH also had one and the boys had bottles of apple juice).

Ho: F*ckin’ bunch o’ tee-toters. You suck!

With that, ‘Ho pulls an already-uncapped bottle of Arbor Mist out of the cooler and takes a big swig. *bad*

Ho: ~bellowing as Pinhead can obviously not hear her from 6 feet away~ Pinhead! Comeangiddit!

Pinhead jumps up like a well-trained dog and scurries over for a plastic cup of wine.

Ho: MA! Yer drinkin’ wine!

Ma: I am not. ~frowning~

SD28: Grandma, we have apple juice.

Ho: STFU. Ma wants wine.

Ma: I don’t want wine, dammit. I’ll take that juice, honey.

‘Ho glares at her mother, then swigs mightily from that almost-empty wine bottle. (Someone hand me a barf bag…)

Thankfully, the photographer returned from setting up and said all is ready so we head down to the beach. Mr. Pinhead and SS18 help ‘Ho’s mother up and carefully walk with her while Spawn carries her walker.

Several group shots were taken with ‘Ho adamantly refusing to stand anywhere near SS21 or SD25 and their partners. She was constantly grabbing onto her squirming grandsons until SD28 and family stood next to SS21 for a pic. Since SD25 was at the other end, ‘Ho shoved Spawn next to me, then Pinhead (he helped her hold her mother upright), with ‘Ho on the end, muttering the while time.

After group photos, the photographer took a multitude of pics: couples, families, siblings… SS18 got a lawn chair out of our car for his grandma.

The wind was up and the waves were rolling so we were having a grand time in between shots (while 'Ho chugged wine). SS18 and SS21 had wandered off a ways and came back, racing up the beach. They were yelling and laughing and the photographer was quick to snap some pics (can’t wait to see those!). It was lovely to see those handsome young men enjoying each other. DH chased me into the water to catch me and swing me off my feet. SD28 was riding piggyback on her hubby when he ran straight into some big waves. Both screamed with laughter. Their sons were close behind, kicking and splashing. The photographer got shots of everything.

I think ‘Ho felt ignored because no one wanted pics with her (aside from Pinhead and Spawn). She starts bellowing, “Baywatch! Let’s all do Baywatch! I’m CJ!” ‘Ho starts running in slow motion, whips her hair around… and a big wave comes crashing and ‘Ho falls face first into the surf, feet flying up. Not gonna lie. EVERYONE LAUGHED. Pinhead managed to clam up quickly, but the rest of us kept going. The photographer had his hand over his mouth, but his body was shaking like jello on a Tilt-A-Whirl. ‘Ho came up sputtering sand and water and snarled, “Not a f*ckin’ word. We’re f*ckin’ done here!” and waddled up the beach as fast as her short, fat legs could carry her. Evil Aniki plans to ask the photographer if he got that on film…

In case you’re wondering, my phone does a kick a$$ job of recording sound and I turned it on before I got out of the car.  *dirol*

Up next… Rehearsal Dinner