I think I need to end it
I posted before, but I need to put the full story here and get some brutal opinions.
My partner and I have his kids every weekend Friday to Sunday. They are terrors. They spit at each other at the table, slap each other full on in the face if they don't get their own way (not like a sibling fight I'm talking like voilent), they break everything in the house, they have broken my oven, curtain rails, let the dogs out of the front door, run around swearing. They are 7 and 4. My mum dropped them a sandpit round, they peed in the sand. They just trash my house and I csnt keep up. They respond to no discipline at all. My teenagers go out at the weekend now to get away from them. I also want to do this and my partner a cusses me of hating his children.
I thought long and hard before being a step mum and its just not working. We live together in rented accommodation. I now don't want these children in my house every weekend. I can't do it. Their dad does nothing, I do all the cooking, cleaning, he can't even let their bath water out after they have had a bath. Underwear all over the floor. He does no housework anyway. Their mother who has the iq of a spoon refuses to help with this behaviour at home just saying oh yeah they do it with everyone. This is not acceptable to me to have my home trashed on a weekly basis and I can sit and cry, to mad ask for help, my partner tells me they are just kids. My kids can be little so and sos but it was never like this!
We have had a huge blow up and I've said I'm only having the kids here every other weekend. I cannot work full time and then have them dropped here as soon as I get in and then have 3 hours rest on a Sunday night then spend my Monday where I should be wfh cleaning up all their mess from the weekend.
Partner is saying as I'm working from home it should be no issue. He's now saying I'm trying to make him choose between him and his kids by saying they can only come round every other weekend. I think I'm being f ING leniant after the past year I've done with them. When I explain all I do he sits there and mocks me saying oh a bit of cleaning and cooking some nuggets and chips.
I work 50 hour weeks and I don't want to spend every weekend with him sitting there doing nothing whilst I slowly deteriorate. I got a massive kidney infection and he had a tantrum I wouldn't come down and sit and watch a film after a hospital trip and called me disgusting and said it was because his kids were there. I was in such severe pain and he woke me up saying the kids want pancakes I can't make them. I said I couldn't and he was screaming if it was your kids asking you'd get up and do it.
Anyway after this blow up he's saying he's going to change. I asked for three weeks off (he has his parents to take the kids to and they have agreed) to show me he is going to be a partner and not get me back in the position I was before stressed and unhappy. He is now telling me I'm making him choose between him and his kids as they will have no base with him.
Am I being unreasonable here. Please be honest.
Do they have emotional/mental
Do they have emotional/mental issues?
This sounds like a nightmare and your partner can go screw himself. This is bad, you've put up with shit so now it's become normal.
Disengage from this crap and him. Do less and less and less until he sorts out his own mess.
Not fair on you at all!!!
Yes, you are being
Yes, you are being unreasonable to yourself by even asking. You have every right to have kicked the lot of them to the curb ages ago. Your so-called partner is a douche and mocks you and gaslights you. Kick them out before the sun sets today. Your stbx (he's your x and not your current, right?), is waffling back and forth because he wants to keep you sucked in. He doesn't really want change and he doesn't see a problem.
Do yourself a favour and end it with that crazy bunch pronto. Also, you might want to consider some counselling to figure out why you're second guessing yourself and having to ask if you're being unreasonable. Who told you that you are being unreasonable? No one in their right mind would say that you're unreasonable. Don't fall for any shit that your x tries to convince you of. Those ferals are holy terrors. There is nothing about their behaviour that seems normal and there is nothing about their parents' behaviour and lack of parenting that seems normal.
Your x has taken his brats to his parents for three weeks, so now complete the process and tell him it's not only permanent but you want him out too.
The situation you describe is untenable and abuse.
Hugs!
Reading this, I'm pissed off
Reading this, I'm pissed off for you!
There is no reason to tolerate children behaving like that. Ever.
I would have quit or had a fit the first time they trashed my house. Also, There is no reason on earth I can think of where my husband would wake me up after my being in the hospital to feed his kid. He's the father! take care of his own little demons!
Pack your life up and leave.
Tell him your not making him choose between anyone. Your making a choice for you and your kids. Adios loser!
He says you are making him
He says you are making him choose between you and his children.
Well, if they are that bad...let him choose them and move on! He and the BM are clearly failures at parenting and i would guess probably in other areas of life, too. He doesn't sound very nice or logical or responsible. You are sort of having to choose between him and your kids, too. They choose to leave when the skids are there. Choosing your DH is choosing less time with yours. Think about it that way?
HUN
When you are old and grey do you want to look back and say these were my good times?
Stay on course and you will be old at 40.
Live your best life. Surely this isnt it.
This sounds like pure hell.
This sounds like pure hell. If you really want to stay, I strongly recommend that you at least disengage completely. Let him handle the cooking, cleaning, parenting, etc for his kids. Make him repair or replace with his own money whatever his brats destroy in your home.
But from what I read, disengaging doesn't seem like enough. Your partner doesn't seem to be worth it. don't see any decent partner material in this guy.
Even without the kids....
Putting aside the kids, your partner is not good for you. He's immature, selfish, verbally abusive and manipulative. You and I know 3 weeks won't change him. Use your 3 weeks to split, or if it's your place, to get him out. You deserve better, Stepmum. Good luck.
Really? Is there any question?
Time to give your idiot SO clarity. No, you don't hate his children but you do hate their behavior and it ends now or he and his ill behaved crotch sputum are out of your home and life. I have not delved into the labeling of children as pelvic refuse in quite some time and this is not a kickoff of that as a regular thing for me. But in this case... it is entirely applicable and accurate. IMHO.
At bare minimum he needs clarity that his ill behaved spawn are in your home only EOWE and their presence in your home even EOWE is second by second based on their behavior. They pull their usual shit, and he and they are out immediately.
Why would you subject yourself and your teens to this failed POS of a partner, man, adult, and parent? Not to mention subjecting yourself and your teens to his failed family progeny.
Ughhhhh!
As I have often read on ST
As I have often read on ST
"RUN. RUN FAR. RUN FAST."
You 1000% need to end it.
You 1000% need to end it. Your SO is an abusive jerk and his kids are feral. You tried. It's unhealthy for you AND your kids.
I agree
I think you need to end it. The kid behavior is bad, but the actual problem is the lack of parenting by SO. Add it that, that even without kids, his behavior toward you is unacceptable, and there is no way that you should continue this relationship. He has shown you who he is, believe him.
You are definitely not being
You are definitely not being unreasonable. After reading your post I can't think of any reason you should stay.
Your boyfriend sounds like a selfish a$$ who is raising his kids to be the the same way. Dump him and move on
DUMP HIM NOW.
DUMP HIM NOW.
You deserve better than this!
You are absolutely NOT being
You are absolutely NOT being unreasonable.
Please end it and take your life back.
"They spit at each other at
"They spit at each other at the table, slap each other full on in the face if they don't get their own way (not like a sibling fight I'm talking like voilent), they break everything in the house, they have broken my oven, curtain rails, let the dogs out of the front door, run around swearing. They are 7 and 4."
I commented above, but wanted to add that if these psychos are violent towards one another and spit on each other, wait until they're 17 and 14 and deck you and spit on you. You'll be told that you're not their blood and that you hate them, so it was all your fault.
Those brats are a danger to both other humans in the house and the dogs. God forbid one of your fur babies gets hurt because the freaks let the doggos out and if you say something about it, you'll be the one painted as the big meanie and that you just hate the kids.
Finish the kicking out task you have to do and enjoy your new found freedom with your doggies.
I think it's unreasonable to
I think it's unreasonable to stay with your partner. He doesn't sound like much of one, as he is NOT treating you well, and an every weekend schedule is brutal even if the kids are well behaved. These kids sound like feral brats whose parents have neglected to parent them. I'd leave the whole lot of them.
Oh gosh hon, you are not
Oh gosh hon, you are not unreasonable, this man is abusive and has distorted your perception of yourself and what's acceptable in your life. He sounds manipulative and verbally abusive too.
Can you explain why on earth he would get YOU up to do pancakes for HIS kids? What does he mean HE can't do it? Does he work? He took care of his kids (cooking, cleaning) before you? Is he the type that thinks women should be the ones doing these things?
You need to end this, and quickly. Restore sanity to your teen children and to yourself. You deserve it.
Yeah exactly what Bananaseedo
Yeah exactly what Bananaseedo said.
This is totally unfair on your own kids as well as being a disaster for you personally.
You are not being
You are not being unreasonable. This man sounds despicable and that is before I even consider his kids. I would definately leave this abusive user.