OT- breakups
That guy I absolutely wasn't going to date. We ended up dating for a few weeks. I broke it off yesterday. Hoenstly we both realized we werent' compatible, wanted different things, even told me that yesterday and basically broke up with me and came back. And frankly this sucks. He didn't have a consistent schedule with his kids, was asking ex 2's permission for literally anything, paying for things for her, etc.
BUT... Now that we're broken up, I'm just sad, spent some time crying, and I weirdly miss him, which then feels wrong, because I don't feel like I SHOULD miss him because I'm pretty confident it was 100% the right thing to do, but for some reason I do. I super just wanna cuddle up, which makes no sense. All the sudden instead of the confidence that we 100% don't belong together I'm doubting and feeling I may have acted too hastily.
So anyways, only 2nd breakup of my life, the first was with my exh. My eyes are swollen from crying, I'm tired, and I have a zoom meeting I'm going to look like crap for in about 40 minutes.
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Maybe you are too invested in
Maybe you are too invested in finding a partner? Spend more time on your own, get to love it - then it won't matter if something works out or not - you won't be devastated by it.
I didn't want to date. But
I didn't want to date. But it has been over a year since the divorce, so I figured I'd dip my toe back in teh dating pool becuase I felt ready. honestly . I have some regrets. I hate being sad.
One of our friction points was that I have come to actually enjoy alone time. Which he doesn't get and liked being there all. the. time.
Hey - it's progress, you let
Hey - it's progress, you let it go when it didn't meet your needs.
This seems unfair to say. It
This seems unfair to say. It's perfectly okay to be hurt when a relationship doesn't work out. It's not a fault on someone's part to be hurt by a relationship ending, and even loving yourself wholly doesn't mean it won't hurt like hell when something doesn't pan out that you wanted.
This is a learning opportunity for PAI to figure out what does and doesn't work for her. Her cloistering herself from the dating world isn't going to help her identify her limits. No, PAI probably isn't ready to marry someone, but let's not make her feel guilty for being sad or doubting that her relationship ended.
Oh come on. I was simply
Oh come on. I was simply asking if maybe she's too invested in finding a partner that she'd be so upset after only a couple dates. I was not trying to make her feel guilty for being sad, just help with self-exploration. Lots of people date with a desperate need to find someone and get very upset when things don't work out. It's good to understand yourself when dating. She was free to say, no, that's not it - which she did. I didn't tell her to stop dating. Just to be sure she's ready to date.
You sound like you're telling
You sound like you're telling her that if she's single longer then she won't feel bad when she breaks up with someone again. So, when she does date and they break up and it hurts, she'll remember that you said it shouldn't and she'll think something is wrong with her.
No - I'm saying that if she's
No - I'm saying that if she's too invested in finding a partner, then a quick break-up hurts more than if you are okay on your own and just dating casually.
I'm quite sure PAI doesn't base her life choices on what I say on Steptalk.
Your grieving for your hopes
Your grieving for what you hoped might come from the relationship not the reality. Give yourself time and give your legitimate feelings a break. In the meantime get an ice pack or some cucumber slices on your eyes.*give_rose*
Take care.
Thank you :) And good
Thank you :) And good suggestion on the cucumber slices. I'm not exactly a pretty crier and my eyes have some swelling!
This!
Its okay for your head and your heart to be a million miles away, PAI. You are a caring sweetheart and just because your brain is 100% clear doesn't mean your heart's gonna get on the same page.
Pamper the lively Ms. PAI today! You got this.
Remember, the heart and
Remember, the heart and emotions don't always align with the brain and logic. That doesn't mean the brain is wrong, but it also doesn't mean something good for you long-term won't hurt in the short-term.
Keep your chin up. You did something hard, but you did something GOOD that shows A LOT of growth. You stepped away from a bad situation for you. You prioritized you. You understood what you needed. It hurts, but it's better to say "hey, this is bad news for me, so I should step away" than dive deeper in. Good for you!
I am so sorry this hurts now. I hope it is short lived so you can move forward like you keep doing.
Really wish they'd learn to
Really wish they'd learn to line up!
Thank you :) it's nice ot hear I'm making progress.
I think what really sucks, is he was a good guy, we just weren't compatible. So while I genuinely did like him, we wanted different things, and I kind of just felt like there was no reason to "progress" when utimately it wouldn't have worked for either of us.
I've dated several folks who
I've dated several folks who are good people, but just not my people. You had a rough marriage and an even rougher end to it. Most relationships don't end in the big fireworks that you've experienced. Most end pretty uneventfully due to incompatibility.
Like Futuro said, how you feel is partly due to the trauma you experienced from your previous marriage and divorce. DH and I call it "Lego pieces". When you get into a relationship with someone, you mix your blue Legos with their red ones. When you split up, you have to take back your Legos and give them back theirs. The big pieces are easy to find, but you have a big tub of blue Legos. Every once in a while, you find a small red Lego that you have to get rid of, and if that Lego is a flat piece that's really stuck to a blue Lego, you'll hurt yourself pulling it off. But, you pull it off, toss it aside, and it's one less Lego that can hurt you in the future.
It's hard to start dating
It's hard to start dating again, harder to accept that it isn't a good fit but hardest to go from finally feeling not alone (even w/ a wrong fit) then back to flying solo again.
Take a day to mourn, then shoulders back, you got this. Don't give up, just remember it's okay to feel sad when realizing something won't work.
Dating sucks. That is all
Dating sucks. That is all there is to that.
I think sometimes we fall in love with the idea of what could be, instead of what the reallity is. You know you did what was needed but you are mourning the loss of potential. That is normal. Just make sure that you take you time to find the right guy for you. He is out there!
And remember
This is his best behavior, he was trying to look good to you. He may not be ready to date someone else. He maybe Still trying to figure out how this works. The EX , the kids, and the GF. Who will never see to eye on everything.
Girl
Everyone feels pain to a degree when a relationship has ended.
After I tossed my ex DH as happy as I was, I mourned. I was sad. Even to this day I wished on what couldve been. But you know what that was wishing he was different, not wishing for the lousy him. You know this guy was good but you also know that he was not for you. Think about it, no consistency for visitation, an ever there BM, watching your DH kneel to the sainted BM as to not rock the boat. That is what you left, not the good guy part.
So yea feel sad, have a pint of Ben and Jerrys and get back up on that horse.
Dating should be fun, exciting, not holding your breath incase BM or the skids call and somehow ruins your day.
Change is hard, as is letting
Change is hard, as is letting go of people and relationships and dreams. Your feelings are normal - even for a relationship that was not very long. Let yourself greive, knowing that your feelings are normal but that your head is right in this instance. Heartbreak sucks, but you will get through it. In order to find the right relationship we have to risk being hurt, in my opinion it is worth the risk overall but sucks when it happens.
Aw, Hon,
Aw, Hon,
I hate to hear that you’re feeling sad! Compatible or not, losing a romantic partner is darn painful. However, let’s recall the hundreds of StepTalk blogs by members who insisted that ‘had they known what they were getting into’, they’d have scampered away like the hounds of hell were nipping at their heels.
Life has knocked you around these last few years but you’ve emerged stronger and wiser. Good for you, girl!
Doing what's right is seldom
Doing what's right is seldom easy.
it's important to acknowledge your feelings but if you want to be happy make decisions with your head not your heart.
check out the comic strip heart and brain by awkwardyeti. It might help cheer you up a bit
hugs