You TIP TOW around.  That not helping.  You should incert that tip somewhere where it will do some good

I honestly don't know what is worse...DH and BM making excuses or (in my case) not doing or saying ANYTHING.  For a long time SD and I had a great relationship and I was only disengaged from SS. However, SD started showing her true colors about 6 months ago and I have disengaged from her as well.  They live with DH and I full time, have not been to EOW visits in two years and only seen BM maybe 2 or 3 times in over a year.  DH simply says nothing about failing grades, chores (1 per day) not getting done, and the LIES oh my goodness the lies that constantly fall out of SS mouth. I simply gave up on skids. Sometimes it does not matter how much you do to help them be better people, some of them simply can not over come their genetic makeup and are going to be just like their bio families. Luckily my DH is an amazing person in all respects EXCEPT parenting.  You have to take care of yourself and let your SO and the BM be responsible for their offspring. So many "step" parents say they "hate the word step"...not me, I let all of society know "They are my STEPchildren".  I did what I thought was right by them and tried to teach them to the best of my ability, but when they become a certain age (it's different for each one) you realize there is nothing more you can do that will effect their outcome.  Be at peace with that and make yourself happy. 

I worry for my skids. The oldest is incredibly entitled, lazy and he is also overweight. He's also a quitter and has quit so many activities because he did not like the teacher/coach/instructor or there was too much physical effort involved (running, physical activity, etc). He loves nothing more than sitting on the coach, playing video games, watching tv and eating. The youngest is an angry emotional crybaby with a temper problem. She also likes boys way too much for her age. My predictions? The oldest will be overweight, lazy and not amount to much other than mediocracy. His huge sense of entitlement will disappear when reality hits. The youngest will get pregnant in high school and will jump from relationship to relationship and will likely have multiple children by different men. The men won't stick around long because of her personality which is angry and volatile. She is not a nice person. She will likely end up on government assistance. 

My skid (19) is not a "monster", but he is exactly what I thought he'd be - Mama's Boy, lazy, makes little effort at school, overweight, continues to lie,cheat and brag, video game addicted, and completely enmeshed with BM.

My mom was a stepmom to two kids whose mother didn't care about them. She did absolutely everything for them and they treated her like crap for it. I now live in a similar situation. I am absolutely terrified that when they grow up they will blame me for everything like their lazy, idiotic BM does on a daily basis. They are sweet now that they are young but when they get older I've already told my partner if they speak to me like they have as toddlers when they're older, I may smack them.

SO makes excuses for the skids behavior daily. “They act that way because they are tired.” “They quit (enter sport/activity) because the teacher was too hard on them” god help them when they are adults and have to take some accountability for their behavior/actions. My guess is they aren’t going to mature psychology or emotionally and they will likely end up living at home well past the appropriate age and there will be other issues.

My SS18almost19 could go a few different directions. I pray he chooses a good one. He's smart, good-looking, socially adept, and great with people. Unfortunately, he's also a well-trained liar, manipulator, triangulator, and a suuuuuper-lazy stoner currently living with his narc bio-mom... 

So we'll see. All I know is that he's no longer living with me & DH... CELEBRATING & THANKING GOD!!!

Like many other comments, my SS is not so much a monster as he is a brat.  He is spoiled and entitled.  He is also a liar, a cheat, a bragger and a one-upper.  He comes over EOWE in his pajamas, with no clothes to change into.  Does not shower or brush his teeth while he is over.  Plays video games the second he wakes up to the minute he falls asleep (at 6:00 am, from playing video games ALL night).  Every now and then we "force" him to go out with us, so he has to either go in his PJ's or try to find something in the house that will fit him.  He is 18 yo and has had 2 jobs that he got fired from after 1 month because he was lazy on the job.  My DH and his BM let him be this way.

My skids are all grown and nearly grown now (22, stb21, stb19) and they've mostly turned out well. Even the oldest, who was a little dark rain cloud who was just horrible and awful from about 14 to 17 or 18...

So I've been pleasantly surprised for the most part. 

However, I do look at SS and worry for him (and for any future partner) because he's just so clueless and disorganized. I'm not sure how he's going to make it in the real world. 

I wonder this on a regular basis. Especially how the teen years will go. I think SD will probably be the same as BM...responsible enough to get by without getting in major trouble but doing the absolute bare minimum and manipulating others with no remorse to do as much for her as possible. She also can seem halfway decent or to some people even charming on the surface but is absolutely horrible to anyone close to her and destroys people emotionally. Again i see the same traits starting in SD. My biggest fear is how those traits will play out as a teen. Especially the lack of empathy and manipulativeness.

. 

I feel like I'm still waiting for my SSs to grow up (19, 23 & 26). They all have issues ranging from emotional retardation and zero work ethic to lazyness, paranoia and psychosis. I can't believe they're the offspring of my DH, although he is partly to blame for indulging them to over-compensate for their crappy BM. Their BM is a little witch with no maternal instincts. She constantly rejects them which is why they're such an emotional mess yet their anger and frustration always seems aimed at me and DH. Jeez if I could click my fingers and make them and their BM live on the other side of the world, that's just what I'd do!

I expect OSD will be in trouble and have to be bailed out by DD by time she is 16. I don't expect for her to work at all. If she does not get knocked up before she graduates HS I expect she will flunk out of College right away. From that point on on predict she will jump from man to man using them up each time.

YSD I expect her to take off when she is old enough and go off on her own, possibly military.barely talking to her parents because they have ignored her, her whole life. I expect she will do well for herself. 

I also wonder and worry about this one too. SD10 has no desire to put effort into ANYTHING. No hobbies, no talents, no skill set, nothing. She plays video games and chats with people online. She has a phobia of ANYTHING to do with doctors, dentists, medicine, etc. however claims she wants to be a "tattoo artist". She doesn't realize this involves using needles, even though DH has told her this repeatedly. She just wants to "be this" because BM is covered in full sleeve tattoos. Gross. DH has explained to her that if it's something she is serious about, then she should practice drawing. He really does try to be as supportive as possible. SD is lazy and won't even "practice" her drawings. 

She doesn't take care of her appearance. Unkept hair, unbrushed teeth, dirty clothes, etc. She loves attention, even if it's negative and lives to be dramatic/cause a scene in front of others. She is socially awkward. I have a feeling she will be obsessed with the first boy that looks her way. BM is the same way. She is constantly dating and has NEVER been single inbetween relationships. I think SD will go down the same path sadly. Toxic relationship after another. Using people for what they have to offer, then dumping and running. I'm sure manipulating boys will become her fulltime "job".

I fear so deeply this is just what the world has come to. There are so, so, so many kids being raised right now with zero accountability from the biological parents in split homes with hopeless and helpless step parents in turmoil and there isn't an easy solution anywhere. 

What do these kids become? Megolomaniacs, narcissists, sociopaths, lazy, broken... all the things none of us want to see for the future of the world and yet it's such a loud and common theme. It is heartbreaking. 

We've societally lost sight of so much. :( 

Not something I have ever had much worry about.  His mom and I made sure that he had a very clear demonstration of the differences between a life of character, performance, faithful marriage, success, and personal accountability compared to the lives of a family focused on instant gratification, manipulation, serial out of wedlock breeding, entitlement, excuses, and ultimately  of failure.