Y'all think DH is over it?
BM
Part of me would love to believe that I would be surprised that you have yet to reply to this email, yet here we are at the deadline I have given you 1700 Friday (1800 east coast time) 11DEC2020 with no reply.
This is a prime example of why “MY FAMILY WIZARD” should have been ordered in this case where to parents “cannot communicate with each other peacefully in a timely fashion” and again you refuse to respond to my communication.
Since our son has been told via the attached pdf that he is cleared to resume normal activities as of the 12th of December and he can return to school on the 14th this clearly means he could board a plane on the 19th. At the last in person hearing in March, with a judge, where you were found guilty of contempt, you were already warned. You were told if you do not put our son on a plane during a scheduled visit, and our son was told if he doesn’t get on a plane during a scheduled visit then you will be held responsible financially, possibly have jail time and even possibly lose custody. I am left with no other option to show our son that no one is above the law and file contempt charges against you for yet again violating a court order.
If you want to avoid this outcome as I want to avoid this outcome, then I implore you to respond to this email and let me know our son will be out on a plane on the 19th of December, or let me know that you wish to move the visitation dates to the 23rd of December to the 2nd of January, again either way is fine with me but the lack of communication is just plain crazy.
If I do not hear back from you this evening I will move forward with a writ of assistance, and/or file contempt changes on you again.
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Comments
Hopefully, not
If BM doesn't comply, he needs to be prepared to back up this threat and file contempt. Do not warn her again, just file.
Too many words!
Too many words!
BM, See the attached PDF from the Department of Health indicating that SS is no longer under quarantine. I expect him to be on the plane on X date at X time.
EXH
I Agree.
And the paragraph about My Family Wizard is superfluous at this point.
I also don't like his choice to use the word "implore", but that's just because I'm petty and don't like to see anyone beg a BM for anything.
Yes, all those words and the
Yes, all those words and the palpable anger will make BM just giggle with delight. She wants to get a reaction from DH and know that he's thinking of her, even if it's in an angry way. It took me a long time to get my DH to see that all that fighting just made BM happy, and minimal words and mostly ignoring was the best way to deal with her.
Also, if she shows my version to SS, who cares? It's not angry or saying anything bad about BM.
OMG..yes..so this...
BIFF all the way..Brief, information, firm and friendly.
Took my DH awhile to realize Beaver wanted nothing more to know that she had irritated him and got his attention.
Now the anger we get from her is palpabile since she cannnot get a rise out him.
I agree with Tog....Department of health as per the attached document has cleared SS for travel. Therefore, I expect him to be on the plane on x date as per the court's order.
Thank you.
Same. SS once told us that it
Same. SS once told us that it made BM furious that DH ignored her. Thanks, SS! Now that's all she gets.
Concur
One of my former coworkers who was a "poison pen" advised always to write with ZERO emotion and in such a way to make your opponent look like a horrid fool to anyone neutral reading it
HCGUBM is enjoying DH's diatribe.
LOL. I agree and do this. I
LOL. I agree and do this. I advise DH on the regular but he never listens. But he's not enlisted my help for awhile which is excellent.
We had already sent that
We had already sent that version of short and sweet, here is the proof, it is not what you stated, please confirm you will put him on the current scheduled flight...
Radio silence.
DH wanted this to specifically be read by the judge. He wrote it, I had nothing to do with it. He deserves to say his peace at this point.
I think it's safe to say that
I think it's safe to say that you guys will be in court until SS turns 18 at this point.
She responded late last night
She responded late last night to say DH has no control and she doesn't have to do anything.
Our lawyer was BCCed on this and texted me this morning. He is filing for a writ of assistance and DH is flying out there to bring him back here himself. If BM tried to stop him she will be arrested.
Let the fun times begin!
You must be counting the days
You must be counting the days until he turns 18 and all this nonsense stops. This is why it's so hard to let go of the rope, the HCBM keeps throwing bait out there and it's hard not to take the bait.
Is it really worth the emotional and financial cost to fly him out and back just to prove a point to BM? At this point, this is just a power struggle and no one benefits except BM, who will love the attention and that she's disrupting your lives with her antics.
It is a power struggle but I
It is a power struggle but I understand DH's stance.
BM has showed SS that she is above the law and rules dont matter to them. That is a very dangerous lesson.
The flight is well worth $364 (I couldn't believe it was that cheap!!) and for all of this to be brought up in court is just going to be priceless.
Yes, except that SS won't
Yes, except that SS won't learn any other lesson from this. What he'll learn is that DH is a jerk who threatens his mother with arrest and doesn't do what he (SS) asks for and prefers. I know that's not reality, but it will be what SS believes for many years to come.
I disagree
I disagree that SS isn't learning anything. And I would agree with dropping the rope if SS responded differently when he was out of BMs influence. But when SS finally gets with his Dad, he behaves differently. He enjoys his time with his Dad. He's not so alienated that there is no hope. If he was, I would agree with dropping the rope. But any time he wins with his son is time treasured.
In 10 years I don't think you'll look back and regret spending $400. As long as DH has the emotional energy, even if it's just anger, to fight for his right to be in his son's life, I don't think the money is the reason to give up. My DH spend tens of thousands of dollars to fight a BM who wanted him to be a wallet and absent. In the end the children saw through the alienation and eventually turned on the alienator. If DH had given up, they would have been brainwashed for life.
No one can make that desicion for you or your husband. But if he still has the emotional energy and the finances, and it's not impacting you negatively, I'd say you're fighting the good fight. I would have thought less of my DH if he had let go of a rope with his child on the other end of it, unless doing so was for the benefit of the child. In your case, I don't think it is. He's not damaging SS more by fighting for him.
(And I dearly hope BM gets tossed in jail for the whole Christmas holiday and your judge sends SS to live with you since you're more likely to facilitate a relationship, but I dream big!)
My SS was just like hers, he
My SS was just like hers, he was totally different when away from BM. I can tell you from experience that didn't make a bit of difference. He still ended up alienated, and even though he now speaks to DH, he's still a giant Mama's Boy who is totally dependent on BM and his relationship with DH is very superficial.
All this fighting over him won't make a difference because it's not really about him. It's about both parties wanting to "win" this endless battle they have going. Money is the least of the issues.
Well.. I guess her point is
Well.. I guess her point is technically she doesn't have to respond to him? At this point, you don't know for certain she isn't putting him on the plane.. so it's like you think she is planning a murder.. but can't arrest her till she tries to do it.
I shudder to think of all the
I shudder to think of all the money you guys have spent on this. I am afraid the writing is already on the wall. This kid has been PAS'd out. I sincerely doubt there will be any communication after SS turns 18. Your DH has no releationship with SS beyond what is forced.I commend your DH on his ability to not give up on his child. Wishing you all the best.
I think they will hear from
I think they will hear from him at some point - but the longer this goes on, the longer it will take for SS to really see who his mother is, because this all gives them both great victim material. DH doesn't care what SS wants, he only wants things his way, etc.
We thought we'd never hear from my SS again, but we did and still do.
I think they will hear from
I think they will hear from him occasionally...for money.
I don't know. Her DH seems
I don't know. Her DH seems like mine, in that he won't try to buy the kid's love. My SS hasn't yet tried that, he knows he'd be laughed at.
He might not give it... but I
He might not give it... but I am certain at some point the kid will ask (like he is "owed" - just like his bm).
Maybe so. BM in the situation
Maybe so. BM in this situation is much more brazen than the one in mine.
BM won't go to jail. And I am
BM won't go to jail. And I am sure her argument that it's just not safe to travel during pandemics will deem valid in court. This fight has been going on for a long time but BM isn't and hasn't been sending him and he isn't even answering the phone. And no one is in jail
i feel for your DH. I just think it won't accomplish anything :(
I hope this all works out for
I hope this all works out for you (including SS, if he actually ends up coming, not being a jerk or ruining your holidays). I've been following this saga for a while now and think that if your BM was going to get anything but a hand slap from the courts in her state, it would have happened long before now. But I'll hope to be surprised. Good luck!
I side with y'all on the
I side with y'all on the enforcing the order part, my only suggestion is to stop playing the War of Words game. It doesn't matter if you have the tone of God, she isn't going to take the threats seriously so at this point just put enough in communication for a third party (judge) to understand what is going on, why and how you plan to resolve it hopefully without conflict. A simple
Hi BM according to OFW you've seen and are aware that SS has been cleared for the flight to see me for my scheduled visitation. I've already made arrangement to file contempt if you do not follow the judges orders (again). Please let SS know that he has to follow the judges orders just as you and I do and I will be there to pick him up soon. Thanks"
Judges HATE the back and forth messaging of parents so a quick run down in a message of the entire situation in one message will look better for court.