Who had dibs on Covid as the excuse? **Updated**
We just got the email that SS16 would be a no-show for Christmas because someone on his basketball team tested positive. He will be in quarantine until Christmas eve and won't be able to come out.
She played this card just a weeeee bit early. We responded with, he can have a rapid test done 5 days after contact, we will need to see those results. Or we can change his flight from the 19th to the 24th and send him back Jan 2nd. Either way is fine.
It will be interesting to see if he is in school (they are in class) tomorrow. We are contacting the school to see if it is true (they had a positive case back in September and immediately released it to social media, nothing this time). The entire K-12 school is less than 210 students. One outbreak is a situation to them.
We will also contact his job Saturday to see if he is working and I will have a friend of mine that lives in OK to call and see if BM is working.
Game on B**ch.
UPDATE:
So the basketball team is currently in quarantine- however it is over and they are returning to school on Monday. So she is a liar. The school is sending me something on letterhead stating as much and also that they went into quarantine last week. She is required to give DH medical info, so this means she is YET AGAIN withholding medical, lying about medical, and trying to prevent visitation.
I guess as soon as we have that, I will be sending everything to our lawyer.
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Comments
Yeah, no one recommends
Yeah, no one recommends quarantining for 16 days - look what Kansas just put on line today:
https://www.coronavirus.kdheks.gov/DocumentCenter/View/1640/Shortened-Qu...
He only has to quarantine for 7 days with a negative test or 10 days with no test.
From this website - they literally put it there today:
https://www.coronavirus.kdheks.gov/175/Travel-Exposure-Related-Isolation...
Have I told you that I love
Have I told you that I love you??
HAAAAA!!!!!
HAAAAA!!!!!
My oldest got quarantined last night due to contact tracing. New CDC guidelines started Friday. If a close contact has the PCR (nasal swab) done at 7 days after quarantine starts and is asymptomatic...a negative PCR allows them to return to school after the test is completed.
We call my son the Plague Victim. He is beyond pissed as he's missing his EKG and EMR classtime.
Quarantine is 14 days in
Quarantine is 14 days in Australia. As a result we have no community transfer of cases.
You are also
You are also able to block anyone from coming in. That makes a huge difference. Not to mention your leaders took it seriously where ours did not. The length of quarantine isn't the magic bullet. Ours used to be 14 days too, look where that got us.
Who are we kidding, people
Who are we kidding, people don't quarantine. They do whatever the hell they want. That is why it spreads. My friend's daughter and her boyfriend had Covid and went to the store...oh don't worry, they wore a mask. Nobody cares about anyone but themselves.
Yes and No
I don't doubt that you could be dealing with a BM who is manipulating the situation here. (Hopefully she is not truly the type to exploit a serious situation in that way. Those kinds of people make it hard for people who don't lie and exploit others. Like who is the truth teller? It's gross). If that's what you are dealing with, sorry! I feel your pain.
And someone on a sports team without any direct contact is less risk than in other situations. Find out the facts, as you plan to. In the end, tread carefully if this story is the truth, and consider that the information regarding quarantining is different in many instances, by country, as Wilhelm says above, and within the USA by city, state, region, even by hospitals. The recent guidelines that the CDC put out in the USA are just that, recent, so I think it's wise to be prudent. The CDC are also the same people that told Americans not to use masks at the height of the pandemic in the spring, and we now know how that tune has changed. Sometimes they are right, sometimes they are wrong. I have a relative who works in one of the highest ranked hospitals in the US and another relative who works as an attorney in public health, so I say these things hearing from people with expertise in the medical field, and also just by doing my own research. If there is an alternative to the plan that could be a little more cautious, but still allow you to see your ss, I'd say go with that, especially when you are talking about putting him on a plane. Does he have to go by plane? Is a drive possible? We had to celebrate Father's Day on a Wednesday once, since that is when the whole family could be together. It actually was a great day, the bummer of it not being the actual day was overshadowed by how much fun we had. So, if you need to wait to celebrate with your SS to be cautious for other's sake, then I'd say that's a good way to go. And maybe you could just push the visit timeline slightly, especially with school being potentially out at that time or online. And maybe the SS would have to quarantine after plane travel, too, as some places are requiring that, so if he is due back at campus by 1/2, maybe he can get independent study for awhile or switch to online, so he can continue to educate in either place.
If this is just really made up by the BM for her own gains, then yeah, track down the facts, and challenge her. Due to HIPPA, you won't be able to find out who the + person is exactly, but you should be able to get a general idea from the school how close the contact was. You, well, DH should call, not you, can ask general questions like: does the student have any classes with my son or extracurriculars? Good luck!
Read her blogs. This BM has
Read her blogs. This BM has tried to prevent every visit for many years. Usually successfully.
In the UK you have quaratine
In the UK you have quaratine for 14 days after exposure.
I think it's 95/96% of people show symptoms within the first 7 days.
Oops
*
Of course we got no response
Of course we got no response from her last night and SS did not answer his court mandated video chat either. This is such a joke.
For those who are unfamiliar with my life, this is just the newest tactic. She has tried to use it before during spring break but was quickly shot down by the judge last time. Since there was no actual court on Monday she is going for it again. She is truly unbelievable.
I will be calling the school in a few hours to see if he is present and if there was in fact any transmission of Covid within the school.
She thinks that because SS wants to be back on the 27th and she is refusing to send him until Christmas eve that either we won't do it or he will only be here for 2 days.
DH has already decided that when he does come out again- his phone is gone for the entire visit. DH is going to get rid of his too and make BM call me. That will be sooo much fun (extreme sarcasm there) but it will drive her INSANE to have to call my phone, so I know why he wants to do it.
He isn't going to come and
He isn't going to come and Covid will be an acceptable excuse to the court whether it is that he may have had contact.. or she is worried he will get contact in travel. You know he/she refused to put him on planes when covid was not even a twinkle in anyone's eye.
And... I can understand why your DH is angry at him. But... in the snowball's chance the kid shows up for any of this time.. punishing him by cutting off contact to mom? have fun at that next hearing when he can "prove" that he is being isolated and "attacked" at your house.. and that is why he doesn't want to go. and no facetime? "mommy can't be expected to force a teen to sit down for a call.. what is poor single mother to do?"
COVID is not generally an
COVID is not generally an acceptable excuse to the court. Not when he has time to follow his state's quarantine and testing laws. The CO is in effect and she is in contempt for not following it.
Once we know for sure if
Once we know for sure if anyone even has it at the school, I will let our lawyer know what's going on. I just want the all the info first.
I would think we can demand a Covid test- 5 days after exposure is what we were told when I had to have my daughter tested- which is still MORE than enough time to even do the send out testing. If it is negative, there is no excuse. If it's positive, then obviously, it is what it is. He can't travel if he has Covid. He isn't set to come out for 10 days which is what the state requires, so I am not seeing how she can withhold without being in contempt AGAIN.
So what if she's in contempt?
So what if she's in contempt? She's been in contempt multiple times over the years and what has happened to her? A big fat nothing. She's still rolling along doing whatever she wants, and it's you and your husband who are dealing with uncertainty, the expense of plane tickets that aren't used, and massive legal fees and aggravation.
Refundable tickets are needed
Refundable tickets are needed. It would be nice if BM had to refund any lost monies, but that will never happen. She does what she wants with no consequences. Likely laughing it up over OP and her DH's aggravation and $$$ legal expense.
I was thinking airlines may
I was thinking airlines may have more lattitude on offering credit for unused tickets when people may be sick or exposed. Perhaps if BM does try the covid excuse OP and her DH could petition to at least get some amount of the cost of these tickets transferred to a credit they could use on a future trip.. hopefully one with just them as a couple that includes umbrella drinks, palm trees and zero stepkids.
Generally it isn't... sure..
Generally it isn't... sure.. but when you have extenuating circumstances of forcing a flight vs just a trip in a car.. some courts may take a more conservative view and especially in hindsight.. when the kid doesn't show... won't do anything anyway.. not like they have done anything about all the other contempt issues this woman has done to date!
It won't be her only excuse.. but it may be enough for the courts to give hare a little pass by not actually punishing her.
A trip in the car isn't
A trip in the car isn't feasible- it is a 2 day trip each way. Flights have been ordered and she has been told she doesn't have a choice when she tried to do this over summer and spring break this year. She just doesn't want to spend Christmas without SS, she has had him to herself for the last 8 years and DH has just been expected to send presents and shut up.
SS has gotten nothing from us in the last 2 years because I finally stopped shopping for him and DH really leaves all of that to me.
If SS and BM are fine going months on end with ignoring DH, we don't give a flying F about going back to court and saying he was grounded from his phone due to disrespectful behavior. It is called parenting. Actions have consequences.
I know it isn't feasible... I
I know it isn't feasible... I do. I'm just guessing that she will continue to twist and turn her excuse.. and if it ever comes up in court.. she will claim "covid" along with a multitude of other thin reasons.. and they will not do a thing to her because they are not inclined to punish the primary parent.
It's not an acceptable excuse
It's not an acceptable excuse, period. It's been stated in this case that it's not acceptable, the judge told her so.
They have done nothing to her
They have done nothing to her except wag their stern legal finger at her. and the prize they got when the little turd showed up was embarassing everyone by passing out after stealing liquor at someone's house... the kid doesn't want to be there... whether mom PAS'ed him.. or if it is his own opinion.. the teen is very opposed to going.
I'm not saying it's right.. just the likely outcome.
I don't know how you can
I don't know how you can predict that, but okay. Lots of courts have upheld that COVID is not an excuse to stop visitation.
I'm basing it on the history
I'm basing it on the history they have experienced with their court. There has been almost zero actual consequence for BM.
It would be great if the court actually did do something.. but they have missed countless opportinities to make this easier and do the "right" thing by her DH.. to the point that they are actually most likely a contributing factor in the long term damage and estrangement that her husband and his son are experiencing.
No.. I can't predict absolutely anything.. no one can. We can guess.. we can hope.. but in the end.. we can't predict what this court will do.
Court guidlines (last time I
Court guidlines (last time I checked) still prioritize visitation during the pandemic. It's up to the parents to decide how to follow the CO, but if the person with visitation chooses to exercise is, the one with custody has to allow it at current.
Does it work when your
Does it work when your attorney sends her attorney threats about her not letting him attend?
Don't be surprised if she
Don't be surprised if she comes back closer to date and says "hey, he was exposed to COVID by X person that you can't check up on and is now in quarantine beginning Christmas Eve". This is her testing the waters to see what she can get away with in 2 weeks.
Knowing the history, I
Knowing the history, I envision her bringing him to the airport and then saying he had been around someone positive (when answering the airline health screening questions) so he will be denied boarding.
I am sure you are all correct
I am sure you are all correct. All we can do is take the information we have and pray that a judge sees through it and she is required to pay us back the flight and lawyer fees.
I got the letter from the
I got the letter from the health department. It clearly states:
Start of Quarantine: 12/2/20 Ending: 12/11/20.
May resume all normal activities starting 12/12/2020.
Now just waiting to hear back from DH. It figures that he has a 24 hr Duty going on right now so I have very limited communication.
Nice. Scan it to BM and let
Nice. Scan it to BM and let her know you (by you, I mean DH) expects SS on the plane. That way if she fakes another exposure in a week or so, she'll have to get another letter saying he's in quarantine.
I've been following your
I've been following your story, and this seems like so much stress and effort for a kid who is likely lost to you guys. You guys must have steely resolve, because if my DH were in your situation, with a BM who can't stop won't stop alienating skid against you and kept playing these games that are both emotionally and financially costly, he would have just dropped the rope. This type of long term stress can take a real toll on one's emotional and physical health.
I think both my husband and I
I think both my husband and I are just stubborn as hell. We would have quit a long time ago but there is just this need for justice, that will likely never come (don't worry, we are aware).
I love my bios so much, like it hurts how much I love them both. I can't imagine having one of my kids taken and twisted the way DH has had to experience.
We have said before, this contempt hearing that was supposed to be this week but is now getting pushed out is the last time we are going to court. This visit (only because we are still in limbo with court), that hearing, this is it. We know that we probably wont see him again after this, but DH deserves to have his closure too. To be ok with himself when he stops the fight. Stops the calls. Stops it all.
Ohhhh geeze
Ohhhh geeze
What does dh think about it?
I'm always waiting on your
I'm always waiting on your updates. If there's a BM on this site that I want her *ss handed to her, yours is in the top three.
Get her!
And I think it's important what you wrote above about DH getting his own closure... I think some forget that there's a parent here who is hurting about losing his son and trying everything he can to get him back. In my opinion, it's admirable but I also completely understand, and believe to be fair, when said parent says enough is enough and stops all efforts.