They’re here, again

It's BM's day, but sure enough OSS and YSS come busting in the door. And there goes my skid-free night.

They're not being annoying or demanding: they just asked to hang out and watch the US presidential debate with us. They're in good spirits: YSS is playing with DD, OSS talked to me and DH about college prep, and they'll do homework and be out of my hair until the debate. I'm in my office getting work done, anyhow. No big deal, in theory.

Except...the older they get, the more they want to be here instead of BM's. Almost every night at least one of them asks to come over, or calls for homework help or to work through some practical or emotional issue. I get it; BM is an underfunctioning basketcase and her home provides little support. But I just want some quiet, uninterrupted days and am resenting BM for sucking.

Less than 4 years until they're launched.

Picardy III's blog
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That would be annoying

Im enjoing a Munchkin-free household right now. Last weekend sucked. All the usual stuff, with an added argument to give extra spice.

ONly 3 years and 9 months but who is counting?

I'm sorry, that would suck.

I am ever so thankful that we've always lived far enough away from BM that is was not convenient for SD to just come by, whenever.

And, SD just rolled in! Full

And, SD just rolled in! Full house.

Sorry! I wouldn't like that

Sorry! I wouldn't like that either.

I'm sure if we lived close enough for this I'd be in the exact same situation but with entitled skids. And a DH who would say, 'But this is their home too, any time."

I wish BM farther than 10

I wish BM farther than 10 minutes away. I don't usually mind if they come over, even, I just want a longer heads-up and some predictability.

Entitled kids would be much worse!

That would bother me, too

That back-and-forth drove me nuts back in the day. To my surprise, once they moved in full-time, they didn't bother me as much. Go figure.

I completely understand that.

I completely understand that. If they were here full-time I'd be fine with it I think. It's the unpredictablity that throws me off.

You need a set date might

You need a set date might every week where they are not to come over. It should make no matter what you do with that free night but marriages survive when they are nurtured. Your skids are old enough to have it explained and understand that adults need alone to time.

We actually have date night

We actually have date night on a custody day, ha, so the SKs can watch our toddler DD while we go out. But agree with your point.

Do they just walk over?

I'd have preferred this to the alienation we dealt with, but I would have insisted they call and ask if they can come over, not just pop in whenever they want.

I'm sure DH wants them to "feel like it's their home", but it's YOUR home more than it's their home.

They drive (OSS has a car),

They drive (OSS has a car), or BM will drop them off. Her home isn't walking distance, at least.
BM complains when they don't want to spend time with her, but nearly always lets them come here. Not quite sure why... maybe she's so afraid of them abandoning her altogether that she gives in. (Or she enjoys messing with our kid-free time too, but I doubt that's a stronger motivation than keeping her kids with her.)

I have been drumming the call and ask, and 50% of the time it happens. It's harder to enforce when they're stopping by to pick up a schoolbook, running shoes, etc.

To me, dropping by to pick up

To me, dropping by to pick up a book is fine, but not popping by for the evening without discussing it with you.

You also need to set up

A weekend alone adult time every so offen . Besides date night. Once a week.

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