Don’t know what to do constantly feeling unworthy of anything I need in this relationship

Just gave birth a little while ago Im in so much pain the recovery feels worse than the birth itself honestly. I can barely move or even walk without pain. I’m super emotional and all over the place. Trying to figure everything out. This morning I was so exhausted because my baby didn’t really sleep much they just wanted to feed and refuse to sleep in their bassinet at all everytime I put them in they cried I felt like crying myself. My boyfriend slept the whole night didn’t wake up once to help and I didn’t complain at all but it’s insane how little he understands this is impacting me. He takes a bath and gets dressed and says he’s going to take his daughter to breakfast and they’ll bring me something home. I say great tell him how exhausted I am and how I haven’t slept at all. I’ve been holding my pee in for a bit so I could feed the baby and wait for him to hold them. I ask if he can hold them for a bit so I can be to which he responds he needs to go I ask ok really quick. He takes the baby and lies on the bed. His daughter comes in she lies on the bed. I go to the bathroom and then come out take my pain medication. And walk over to the bed to lie down. I say ok I can take them and he says hold on we’re chilling I let him know babe I’m really tired I wanna lay down trying to hint that now is the perfect time for them to go as Id like to lay in bed alone and rest. But trying to be careful because he’s mentioned having an issue with how I say things sometimes. I then tell him well there’s not very much space babe. I haven’t slept at all I want to rest with the baby while he’s resting. His daughter gets it and gets up out of bed and he gets mad and hands me the baby and storms out of the room. Now he is angry with me because he said he didn’t like how I treated his daughter. I’m confused because I’m literally just asking for a little space to heal and rest. Sometimes it seems like he hates me. Like he just looks for anything I do to be mad at. I just had a baby and I’ve cried already 4 times because of the stress with this relationship. Not being able to express my needs and feeling like I have to walk on eggshells. Can’t be comfortable in my own home or ask for anything for myself ever or I am selfish. I’m not trying to come off bitchy but somehow it’s always perceived that way by him. Even if I say it in the kindest carefullest way. Don’t know what to do anymore.

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Do you have family you can

Do you have family you can stay with? These newborn days are so hard if no one is helping you.

Men are terrible at anticipating the needs of others. If you ask your SO directly with what he can do and he's still not being helpful to you and instead running away with his daughter then there is no reason for you to stay. Taking care of a baby in this situation is almost worse than taking care of one alone. Can you stay with your mom or sister or a friend or have them come to stay with you?

Do you have family close?

Do you have family close? Or a girlfriend you can call? You need some help and it is clear your boyfriend isn't willing to provide what you need.

In the meantime, you need to have a very firm and frank conversation with your boyfriend as to what you need and what you don't need. For starters, he needs to help with the baby and he needs to keep SD off of your bed. If he won't provide what you need, hire someone and make him pay for it.

BF probably feels he is doing

BF probably feels he is doing you a huge favor by taking SD out to.breakfast. After all, he's not expecting you to cook.

I have never understood why steps need to be treated better than bios. If SD were your bio, you would have just said to get off the bed. Because she's a step, somehow that's unacceptable.

SD is ten. She doesn't belong in your bed at any time. She old enough to have waited in another room for her dad. And BF is perfectly capable of taking the baby to another room if he wanted to be with SD.

I'm embarrassed for your BF

I'm embarrassed for your BF that he's being such a jerk when you've just had a baby. His job right now is to make sure you are supported and have what you need. Your SD can wait and he can stop being offended if you decide you want to rest.

If you have any family you

If you have any family you can go to or have come stay with you, I would recommend it. Having a newborn is hard - it would be hard even if you weren't having a difficult recovery from childbirth. I had my DH helping with the baby and my mom stopping by to help with housework in the couple weeks after my DD was born and it still seemed overwhelming. It sounds like your boyfriend is pretty worthless - you'd do better on your own than walking on eggshells in your own home while you're trying to adjust to a new little one. Reach out to family or friends if you have anyone who can help. And you need a come to Jesus meeting with your boyfriend - he needs to step up and start meeting your needs.

I agree with having a mom or

I agree with having a mom or sister or friend come help with the baby, since your selfish boyfriend isn't going to. I'd also stop walking on eggshells around his poor fee-fees and make clear what you need, as in, "Both of you, get out of my bed, NOW. I haven't slept all night and need to sleep while the baby is." Here you are feeling lousy and in pain and still worrying about his feelings, eff that. He doesn't care one bit about yours, stop caring about his. Maybe yelling at him a few times will get his attention.

I disagree that men have a hard time knowing what is needed, he's just selfish. Lots of men do a great job helping with a new baby when the mother is recovering. He shouldn't need to be told that you need help when you are walking around in total misery and not sleeping a wink.

This! And it's not like he's

This! And it's not like he's a brand new dad. He's been through the newborn stage before. He knows exactly what it entails.

My DH was amazing when I was still recovering from labor. I used to brag about him a lot, I called him a "rockstar" for his efforts, and then it dawned on me that he was simply doing his part for a child he helped create. Dads doing normal shit aren't rockstars lol.

OK, I u nderstand that you've

OK, I u nderstand that you've been made to feel second best but DAMMIT LADY you just gave birth!!!! It's time things changed. You re not thinking for you, you should be thinking for your baby, right? So put on your bitch boots, bring out that whip and tell your waste-of-space bf that he will get his ASS off of youir bed and take care of the baby because you are exhausted. Now, is not the time to be brave, it's the time to get your bf's arse into gear. If he whines about how you speak to his daughter, tell him to be a father and deal with the situation before an outsider (you - but next time it could be someone in the street) before you have to. Tell him to step up and be a father for once in his miserable life or he'll be paying maximum child support for his baby for as long as you can legally make him. Tell him that both of his children would benefit from having a REAL father rather than a bff. Go for it, lady! Do not stand for any more of this crap. Play every car you have and do not back down.

Frankly, I would have lost all respect for him after this last episode and would already have a pit bull lawyer on speed dial. How could anyone find such a pathetic human being (and I use the term loosely) attractive?

OK, I u nderstand that you've

You need to be waking him up

You need to be waking him up nights to help. You should not be the only one up with the baby. Take turns! Nurse the baby and then wake him up and you sleep. Your body can't heal without sleep. I am a huge proponent of nursing but give the baby a bottle that your boyfriend can feed him if it means keeping you sane and healthy. Sounds like the baby could be using you as a binky too. Have you tried a pacifier? Nurse 15 minuttes, give the baby to dad with a binky and you sleep. Also, you may have post-pardom depression, you should speak to a doctor. You two need couples counseling, a professional will help him see things from your perspective better than you will ever be able to. Also you could use an individual counselor to help teach you how to stand up for yourself in heathly ways. If you want this relationship to work, get counseling help now! I now "it's too expensive" is usually an excuse (and a valid one!) but lawyers fees for custody issues are way more. If you love him and want it to work, the counseling is worth every penny. Even a few sessions can drastically help your relationship.

I mentioned before you need a

I mentioned before you need a support system. You really should stand up for yourself. He should not be getting grumpy at all. I have not had my baby yet but I plan of feeding and pumping so I can have breaks when I need them and DH will there to help. This past weekend I was so exhasuted and tired. We have two dogs and usually we trade off who will get up with them in mornings. I asked can you do both I really need sleep, totally agreed. Also had DS11 (was ss) game this weekend, luckily it was home and we live really close to the field. I had to leave half way through, DH said ok I will text when over and I went back and picked them up. No complaints. Your boyfriend really needs to get his head out of his butt and acknowledge you just had a baby.

I know you are emotional but he needs to be supportive and offering to get up with the baby and do things for the baby and honestly pump if you can so he can feed the baby too. Plus I have heard it will be easier long run if they get use to a bottle now. Not saying bottle all the time just when you need a break.

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Don’t know what to do constantly feeling unworthy of anything I need in this relationship

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