The after effects of disengaging.
How things have completely changed. A month ago I was ready to call it quits with SO. He was starting to lose it from having to deal with his own kids and I became his target for his anger and frustration. Not that I am unempathetic to what he was going through, coming to the realization of how his kids behaved, Thier complete disrespect for authority, and how OSD just uses the adults in her life to get what she wanted.
I drew the line in the sand with him that if he ever lashed out at me again, because he couldn't deal with his kids behavior. He better be prepared to pack him and his kids up and leave.
He did sincerely apologize and acknowledge his actions, which is huge for him because he always has to put on the tough guy front. After that he had another blow out with OSD in which she basically treated him the same way she used to treat me. Her 14 year old self, had plans to take off again, wouldn't tell him where or with who. He lost it when she responded to him " What the F@#$ is your problem, get out of my f@#$ing face!"
He came to me in shock. I told him flat out, Oh I know, that's exactly how she used to talk to me, then turn around and run to him batting her eyelashes to tell him I was "starting trouble"
He made the decision that day to tell the BM that she is no longer welcome here if she isn't going to respect his rules. He has finally seen for himself how bad her behavior is, and it's only getting worse and as long as BM won't do anything about it, she isn't going to change. He has also seen that unless she is getting something from him she has no desire to even contact him. When she has spoken to him she is rude, belligerent and disrespectful.
His epiphany has resulted in him actually parenting YSD. I am pretty sure YSD went into complete shock the other day when she mouthed off to him then put her hands in his face and he lost it, took her phone, and computer. She slammed her door, he took it off the hinges.
I'm not gonna lie, literally was giddy seeing it. I wanted to Hi five the man. I have never been so proud, SO actually parented!!
- Wicked stepmo.'s blog
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Comments
YAY!
OUTSTANDING!!! I am so happy you enforced your boundaries and stopped letting him scapegoat you. The denial in some of these Bios is unreal.
You've got it!
Just practice saying, " Poor Honey. Here, want something to eat? What's on tv tonight?"
Glad he's seeing the light.
Glad he's seeing the light. But he should have believed you the FIRST TIME one of them acted this way towards you. Why did he have to experience it himself rather than believe you?
That whole part of it is what
That whole part of it is what hurt the most. Especially since he had been in my shoes himself. When he was with BM she already had 3 unruly kids who had no respect for him, mouthed off, and destroyed his home. The anger I felt that he still treated me like I was the bad guy and somehow his kids were different than Thier older siblings. Really????
Has he actually told BM that
Has he actually told BM that your SD can't come over if she doesn't respect rules?
It sounds like his eyes are opened, but will he follow through...
He did, but I only think it
He did, but I only think it was because OSD was refusing to come here and was going to his parents house, because it was easier for her to take off because of where they live. I told him and his mother that the law is clear, a 14 year old is not responsible for Thier behavior the adults supervising them are. If something happens to her and they didn't report her as a runaway they will be charged with neglect. His mother could lose her job because of what she does and SO can lose custody of YSD.
So he told BM she can't go to the grandparents anymore, and he doesn't want her here because he doesn't want to have to deal with her taking off all the time.