Spying In Your Home
I think we all knew that skids are always giving info back home but the extent I'm hearing from the horses mouth is just crazy. A friend of mine has a son he is 11, this must spend every waking minute at his fathers house listening around corners and just watching! She tells me as soon as he hops in the car he is spilling all the information. Examples " SM cousins don't like her I can tell by the way they look at her" " I heard SM on the phone has a podcast 30 people listen to it" " SM made casserole for dinner and dad didn't eat any" " Dad drank 3 glasses wine alone" " SM business isn't doing good she was crying on the phone to her friend" " dad bought an expensive bike and SM thinks it's so expensive, dad said he needs it to get out of the house"
the list goes on, if she works out everyday if one of her kids fell, what family members said when they were over where she comes and goes. Every detail about all family members and a lot of these things seems to be private convos in other rooms, he has said it himself. "Blank was in the office talking to blank blank"
My friend thought it was soooo funny but I did not find the humor in it. I told her remember he may be going saying your business over there just as well. She says she doesn't asks but she shouldn't encourage it. I would hate having a little spy in my house every week yikes.
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I agree, she should be
I agree, she should be telling her son to mind his own business and not tell her everything - but I bet she likes it, and he knows it. This is a subtle form of parental alienation - Mom enjoys it when you tell everything about Dad's house, so kid keeps doing it, to the detriment of his relationship with his dad. He may not give his father the same form of information about mom because he doesn't get rewarded for it.
This! I did mention you may
This! I did mention you may not ask but if he gets positive cues from you he is going to keep trying bring you more information every time to please mom.
Yep. Notice he only tells her
Yep. Notice he only tells her bad things - he doesn't hop in the car and say, "Dad bought SM a necklace and she was so happy she cried," or, "SM and Dad said they are going on a vacation to France for their anniversary, they are both so happy about it," or "SM's cousins were there and they were really nice, I like them."
Your friend is the kind of mother who will go to her grave insisting she never interfered one bit in her ex's relationship with his son.
If they think it pleases
If they think it pleases their poor victim mother, they will keep doing it. Although in my case, I think she directed asked. She knew every detail of every day at our house. BTDT. She even tracked my SD by her phone when she was with us. I was standing and talking to SD once when her phone rang and it was "50 shades" demanding to know why she was where was. SD was actually peeved and snapped back, "I'm only with Dad and Peach at the vegetable farm." lololol. These GUBMs are crazy.
I NEVER say/do anything of
I NEVER say/do anything of interest when skid is here. I am as boring as possible so whatever he CAN report back are utterly mundane things like Shell makes her kids toast every morning.
I think that there is much
I think that there is much fun to be had with little spies. Talk about money, lots and lots of it, talk about the new expensive cars that are on order, expensive vacations, designer purchases, etc... Use specific brand names. Leave brochures on the new top of the line expensive car brands lying around.
Have fun.
There is a difference between a spy working for the toxic other household parent, etc... and talking about what they did while on visitation, or talking about their normal home life while they are on visitation.
I always made sure to show interest in the things that SS did while on SpermLand visitation. Not to spy, but because I am interested in SS and what he does when he is not with his mom and I. Because SS is comfortable talking to his mom in the couple of weeks after each SpermLand visitation SS would usually share what went on during his visitation. We did not criticize the SpermClan so SS likely did not feel like he was betraying them when talking to us. We encouraged him to share his home life with them while on visitation.
Over the decade and a half that we all lived under the CO he shared a number of incidents and experiences. Primarily about the Sperm idiot's drug use, regular police run ins and arrests, etc, etc, etc.....
Spy Skids should not be tolerated. Skids sharing their lives and experiences should be encouraged.
IMHO of course.
The spying by skids and the
The spying by skids and the BM getting them to spy is awful. We experienced that and it didnt stop until DH stopped telling skids anything we were doing.
The spying only ever went one way. The skids were tightlipped about anything that went on in BM's house. Until the time one skid filmed around BM's house and put the video on his You Tube. Now that was fun. Pretty sure BM was not expecting to be spied upon herself and so publicly!!! Bet she wishes she had tidied up and hung that door back on its hinges!!!!!!
In the 13 years that my two kids lived under a parenting plan
I always would ask what they did when they were on their Dad's week. I wanted to hear about the fun stuff they did, etc. I made sure that they could tell me the good and the bad. I wasn't interested in defaming the VI....I wanted to hear about their lives. Consequently, the kids told me everything. If there was bad I empathized with the kids and worked with them to come up with solutions.
Beaver on the other hand....did/still does reward the kids when the spilled the tea on DH and I. It was sad. She would grill them the moment their butts hit the seat in the car. SD still will only tell us the bad at her Mom's as she thinks this is what we want to hear. We have to pry the good out of her.
There is a difference in just wanting to know what is going on in a kids life and just wanting to know what dirt you can get on your ex.