Why do you think she should care about your child? It isn't her's. When my brother is and his wife had a baby, I felt absolutely not concerned.. and I was 23.. .This isn't her baby, why do you want her to gush over your child? 

She's perfectly normal in my opinion, definitely not jealous. Breathe, not everyone is going to worship your offspring like you. Normal. 

I was 17 &  living at home when my brother was born.  Honestly, I didnt pay much attention.  I had a hot relationship going on, was working, hardly ever home.  And, I probably wasnt mature enough to understand how significant an event it was for my parents.  That was me: 17, living at home, my mother's baby.  I'm guessing that if I had lived in another country and it was my stepmother's baby, I would have been even less responsive.

Have you guys been together for 8 years? Did she ever come to spend time with you? What was your relationship like before?  She may be jealous, or may just be a typical self-centered teen - as long as she's not being disrespectful, I'd just let it go.

It’s reasonably common to feel jealous (sadly). Although some people are aloof not jealous. 

I have a friend who has many different half siblings and loves them to absolute bits. 

It’s perfectly possible for them to develop a good bond. 

In my case jealousy came in after my children were born (my ‘ex’ step kids were 20 and 18 at the time). 

I’m guessing they felt displaced so decided to cause problems.  We included them, but whatever we did it was never ‘enough’. 

Im the poster from above who was 17 when my brother was born.  I have to tell you that I'm not very close to him.  Nothing personal, but the age difference was just too much.  We are in communication a little more now since I'm my 97yo mom's trustee and I'm making sure both brothers are up to speed on everything.  But we used to go years without talking, no issues, just distance and age disparity  So, if I were you, I wouldnt  expect SD to play a huge role in your baby's life.

A teenager who lives in another country doesn't care about her stepmother's unborn baby?  I wouldn't give this too much head space, at least until the baby is born and you've seen them interact.  The baby is probably not real to her yet and has no impact on her yet.

DH and I are expecting a baby in the fall. One SS acts like he's excited and tells us how he will be the best brother and he can babysit for us. He is also the one supposedly cried to BM that he was so upset about our baby and that he felt like DH was just replacing him (when pressed, he said he may have said something to BM, but was not upset). The other one has been silent. They are both 14 year old boys. 

My friend has a sister who is 14 years younger (she is not a half-sister, but a full sister, if that matters). She is closer to that sister than she is to her sister who is 3 years older. All that is to say, that I think the response from BM is key to how a teen sib feels about a baby sib and that age difference will matter less as everyone gets older. 

For my child, I'm assuming (as is DH) that she will essentially be an only child when she is older, unless she goes out of her way to create a relationship with her brothers. 

At 17 most teenagers are pretty wrapped up in themselves and only care about what and how things affect them. I wouldn't get to worked up over this since it's not like SD is going to be there every day sneering at your baby.

I was kind of embarrassed about my mom being pregnant when I was a high school senior.  But I had a hot boyfriend and thought. " Better her than me".  Lol.

You know she is playing, quit allowing it.  Cut her out of the picture completely.  When DH tries to discuss her with you, inform him that she has written you and your baby off so you have reciprocated and his failed family breeding experiment will not have any place in your home, family or your baby's life unless she earns it with a lifetime of consistent reasonable and respectful behavior.

DH misses your message at his peril.  He is a year from being off of the hook in supporting the 17yo, he risks the better part of 20 years of ever increasing CS for  your child if he pisses you off.

Congrats on the baby.  Good luck.

when our son was born.

he pretended they didn’t exist and still does... when hubby told him off 5 weeks after our daughter was born how much it hurt him to pretend there were no new families and pretending she wasn’t a member of this household, his response was “person is incapable of any affection so don’t force me!!” 

It hasn’t changed even now. Ridiculous thing is nieces nephews his age love my kids and treat them as a member of the family and can’t understand why ss treats her like that. 

But when i saw ss with his full sisters and the effed up awkward relationship they had, how can you expect him to have a normal relationship with her.

i do not agree that ignoring and showing no interest is perfectly normal. If kids are brought up well with manners etc, they don’t do this and shun siblings half or full.

my mum and dad had elder siblings caring for the other kids and helpig out at home, they were like mini mummies...

My own DD17 acts like my 2.5 year basically doesn't exist and has since before she was born.

I WISH I had that level of distance. 

My husband literally brought SD to my baby's room to "see the baby" which means gawk at me and interrupt my reading. 

Some people can’t embrace their parents ‘growing their family’. 

Some  teenagers and many young adults (some grown) still think that their parents are ‘just their parents’ and it does not register that their parents also have a life, and are quite entitled to do so. It is unreasonable to expect broken up parents to just sit  about twiddling their thumbs for 20 years. 

If she’s not living with you and you only see her occasionally you or your partner don’t really have any ‘influence over how she will react. 

It's so, so common for older siblings to be concerned or actively resentful of a new baby on the way. In intact as well as step families. It's a shake-up in the family structure, and siblings don't have the initial bond the pregnant mother feels to the child.
I saw it in my step kids (exacerbated by their BM in their ear), and I saw it in my younger brothers. All of them adjusted just fine as they developed their own relationship with the new little one, and found their place in the new birth order.

So long as your SD isn't being outright nasty to or about the baby, I wouldn't go borrowing trouble (though be watchful, of course).

Dup

Honest to goodness I don't understand what you're trying to accomplish here. Even if SD were excited about the baby, that doesn't stop her from emotional blackmail or other horrible behaviors. I don't see how they're related.

Your issue seems to be preventing future blowups. You can't prevent them. You have no control of what she does or doesn't do, and your DH has very little as well. Your DH is well aware of her behavior, even if he's in denial, and you "preparing him" for future scenarios that might or might not happen just doesn't make sense to me. You simply can't control it.

Your issue is with HIM, and giving in to her sob stories and rudeness. While your DH might want a fantasy family that includes you, the baby, and SD, that's just not reality. Insta-Family is not a reasonable goal here. Some step families get along fine (especially in the movies), some stay right below the boiling point, and some are toxic. THAT might be your discussion topic -- how will he react if SD is lukewarm toward the baby?

If SD is basically polite to you, that's all you can really expect. The rest is up to your DH.

This happened to me too. My DH eldest daughter was 24 and living 5 minutes away from our home when me and DH had our bio child last year. Eldest SD25 was jealous and immature, and even went as far as to take pictures of my baby (without my knowledge), add filters or something (I'm a dinosaur) to give my baby DEVIL HORNS in the offending pictures, then post offending pictures to IG.

I cried and told DH how disappointed I was, especially since I'd done so much to 'include' her (seriously, she was 24). DH refused to address the matter and eldest SD24 moved interstate shortly after (for reasons unrelated to offending picture). 
 

I have spent the last year quietly removing all photos from our home of eldest SD24 plus any 'gifts' or cards she has given DH and I over the years (we've been together four years now).

Plus, we haven't seen her for a year (COVID-19 has been a godsend). Needless to say, I will not be making her welcome in my home again nor will I let her anywhere near by bio child. She has made her bed, now she can lie in it forever as I intend to freeze her out for good, and she has no one to blame but herself. SDs don't realise that it's a long road and rejection of a stepmom can have life changing consequences for them, such as not being informed of health/life updates regarding her father or half sibling. Further, don't they realise that it will likely be SM executing daddy's will and wouldn't it be better for her if she decided to play ball? Ha! I intend to play the Long game on this one!

for the record, offending picture was the straw that broke the camels back, the very last straw in a catalogue of bad behaviour from SD24...I should do a post on that next...