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Questions101's picture

Submitted by Questions101 on Tue, 05/14/2019 - 7:48pm

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Teenage Stepchildren

<p>&lt;p&gt;Hello...I am a mom of 4 bio children (11,6,2 and 6 months). I have been married to my husband for 3 years. He has a son from a previous relationship (14 years old). My husband and I share 2 bio children. Two years ago the step son moved in with us after 6 months we found a lot &amp;ldquo;step sister&amp;rdquo; porn searches in his phone. It actually caused an issue with us because the only step sister he had was my 6 year old daughter. I spoke&amp;nbsp;with both him and my husband that I wanted no interaction between him and my daughter. 3 months later I found out he was receiving hugs from my daughter and he was telling her not to tell. While it seems innocent enough I was pissed I told him his son has to go. So he moved to another state with an aunt. Well that ain&amp;rsquo;t no longer can keep him and he has no where else to go ( his mother is in another country). My husband wants him to move back in. I don&amp;rsquo;t trust him around my daughters. I have honestly considered divorce because of ss because of him we have installed cameras everywhere except the bathrooms. Even though my husband need to raise his son I don&amp;rsquo;t know what the best action is esp because we share 2 babies. Any advise would be helpful esp if you have gone through this.&lt;/p&gt;</p>

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 05/14/2019 - 10:04pm

I would say that you have only one choice and that is to minimize any risk that SS represents to your own children.  His behaviors towards your 6yo DD dictates that he does not return to your home or have unsupervised interface with any young children.

I know this is tough for everyone, particularly DH, but... both you and DH must protect the rest of your children.

Good luck.

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Wed, 05/15/2019 - 10:18am

Have you actually taken the time to get the kid/teen counseling?

I know that there is a lot of porn circling around step moms, step sisters, step dads - etc. I don't get it, that is just gross to me but whatever. I don't think that just becasue his porn watching activity was "step" related I would have kicked him out. My bigger issue would have been porn in general. It is demeaning to women, it causes unrealistic sex expectations, it isn't a healthy model of sexuality. I think I would have talked to him about it. We are very open and honest about sex in my house. I don't want stigmas to be attached and I want my kids to be able to come to me when they need condoms or birth control. There is a line  between condoning sex for teens and realizing that it happens and being prepared and educated. I feel like I am doing well walking that line right now. I don't want to be a 40 yr old grandma! The more kids feel like they can talk about it, the better the chances I have of that NOT happening.