Tired of BF giddiness over BM's bone throwing
A few weeks back BM’s attorney demanded money for a music class for SS. No receipt, no nothing (A month prior to that they agreed on some kids group fitness class. Then the email came about the music class. W A few weeks back BM’s attorney demanded money for a music class for SS. No receipt, no nothing hen attorney got email about music class, he questioned it. BM’s attorney said she assumed the agreement from a few months ago meant all extra activities.
His attorney blasted hers and said “This is not the first time she has unilaterally signed SS up for things and in the future she WILL ask permission before signing SS up for ANY extra activities.
About a week after that email, BM had her attorney ask if it was ok to send SS to a free art class. BF said yes, all giddy about it (Look!!!!!! BM has seen the errs of her ways!!!!) huh????
BM was then served with full custody papers a few days after that. She made the comment that “Her attorney is going to tear me apart in probate court” huh?????
Then BM’s attorney reaches out AGAIN to tell BF that SS loves his music class and is doing well. BF is all giddy again. I remind him that this is a ploy and he need to be documenting all of this for court, he plays dumb “I don’t have to write stuff down, I know it” I told him you need proof for judge. We argue.
We had therapy last week. Therapist has the nerve to say “Before you start screaming at BF you need to chose a trigger word” I remind her that I have never screamed at him….BF admitted that I don’t scream at him, but I have a “Strong voice”
Also, I have been house hunting (By myself) and he mentioned we should get one together. I said no, not when BM is on the loose. She will NOT KICK MY DOOR IN, SHE AND SS WILL NOT GO TO MY HOME AND CALL ME A SKANK AND A SLUT….
He must have told therapist (He talks to her then I get on the zoom) as she told me that my theory of BM is “far-fetched” as “BM would never do that” and that we should get a house together!!!!
I feel like I’m in the twilight zone. I told BF today that I will no longer be participating in therapy.
I am really getting done with all of this!!!!
After she was served, PAS SS reached out....BF giddy...doesn't beleive that it is because she was served.
sorry for the spelling errors
sorry for the spelling errors. seeing red right now
You probably need to step out
You probably need to step out of the court stuff and let your BF handle it the way he wants to. That also means, no help with anything related to court or SS, he's on his own. You don't particularly want him to win custody anyway, do you? So let him go in unprepared.
As for the therapist, clearly that's HIS therapist and not a marriage counselor. Crappy therapist either way - if he's going to meet with a couple, he shouldn't meet alone with one party then berate the other party about what he's told. Good for you for dropping out.
I've never heard of a
I've never heard of a therapist/ financial advisor. It was a good idea to back off from these sessions. This is obviously BF's therapist/ financial advisor and she is considering only his interests in her advice to you.
if you think couples counseling is a viable option, you need another counselor for joint sessions.
Even if she is purely BF's
Even if she is purely BF's therapist she's still a shit therapist. It's hardly in his best interest to stomp all over his current relationship so he can suck up to BM. If the goal of therapy is to get your client in a better place, I can hardly see him in a better place after taking her advice. Besides, a good therapist doesn't give advice. They ask questions that lead their client down a path of self discovery.
I think he was trying to
I think he was trying to relay that I am letting BM "run my life" and "not moving forward" with BF, but after reading alot of issues SMs have on this site and my own piece of mind, I want nothing to do with her, and ALOT of ppl who don't deal with HCBMs have told me the same thing (That I am letting BM run my life)... I am starting to realize that I don't have the energy to deal with her and SS's BS...
He's minimizing the stress of
He's minimizing the stress of having BM make false accusations about you - that's a big deal. It's more than just "letting her run your life", she's actively interfering in your life.
Did it ever occur to you that
Did it ever occur to you that while BM and SS are a big part of the problem, so is BF? The more I read about your situation, the more I realize why your BF's previous relationships failed. No one wants to put up with BM's level of crazy and your BF isn't working all that hard to stop her, especially if he is failing to document or take initiative. This guy seems like all talk, no action.
I would not get a house with BF or do anything that will commit you two long term, not until BM is effectively handled.
You’re right
She is the interfering with my life and NOW I feel he is minimizing how it effects me solely because SS is reaching out. I feel her actions have gone on for sooo long because he never put her in her place from day one. So frustrating!!!!
He wants you to back off so
He wants you to back off so he can keep on being a people-pleaser with BM.
Your BF is not ready to be in
Your BF is not ready to be in a relationship, yet.
What kind of therapist would tell a couple who are having issues, to go ahead and buy a house together? How does she know what BM will or won't do?
Oh yeah, and this is the guy who decided to go for full custody, without so much as a discussion with you, right?
Are you sure he is worth it?
I wholeheartedly agree.
I wholeheartedly agree. Getting out of a house/mortgage was more difficult then getting out of my marriage.
Why is dh getting emails from
Why is dh getting emails from Bm's lawyer.
Nothing like putting on the squeeze .
I would tell each of them to pound sound, including the hideous therapist.
At least you have the instinct to stop going to sessions. This is a mess.
Time for you to think about what YOU want your future to look like. Expect more of the same with these cast of characters. I am very sorry.
Thank you for all your advice
The emails were from BM's lawyer to his lawyer that were forwarded to him. The emails were sooooo buttered up it was sickening!!!!
So, is he worth it?
So, is he worth it?
I would continue house hunting for YOUR house.
You're doing the right thing
You're doing the right thing not making any financial decisions with SO.
He has shown you he will allow other people to run his life and you don't need to put yourself in a position where those same people can run yours.
Life doesn't have to go like
Life doesn't have to go like this. When I was dating hubby and after we were married he has always been like an iron wall when it comes to bm and myself. She was never allowed anywhere near me or to have any of my info. She was not allowed in our home, even if it's was difficult hubby would go get ss rather than let her near us. If she ever asked or said anything about me, he shut it down hard. He made it consistently clear to ss early on the that I was to be treated kindly and with respect. If there is a HCBM or just an unpleasant one, the dad should be dealing with her and keep you protected.
You should be far more important to him than her and your feelings should matter a lot to your partner. Being a step doesn't mean you're worth less than bm.
I agree!
Thank you for all your responses. I am looking at a place on my own. I have to protect myself….
Yesterday I volunteered at a Vaccine clinic. There was a woman also volunteering who works with me at the hospital, though I am in ER and she is in the main section (Not a nurse, she works in Admitting). I have seen her probably about 20 times through the years, always a “hi” and a smile.
I found out later that she is best friends with BM. I have not seen her since dating BF. Yesterday she was at the clinic as well. The moment she saw me she avoided eye contact, made a point NOT to look at me, yet gave me the “evil eye” every time I walked by her.
I was so mad I called BF and told him I was sick of the drama and I could no longer take this since I have done nothing wrong. He was upset, too and stopped by to bring me coffee. I thanked him and told him he should go home as I am too busy and cannot talk to him. He somberly asked, “You’re mad at BM and Katie, not me, right?” I rolled my eyes and walked off.
It turned out to be a good day. I was leaving for the day they asked me if I could stay and direct people where to go as some volunteers didn’t show up the people coming in were confused. I said yes and they were soooo appreciative.
I told BF today that I don’t feel like we are a team and that our relationship is on VERY thin ice. He said he wants to work as a team and get though this together.
SS reached out again today (How convenient..right after BM is served!!) BF happy about that, no mention of “You need to dump that skank or you’ll never see me again” jargon.