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BF wants to sue BM and have us welcome SS back into our lives

Cookieboom's picture

As you all know BF ended the custody battle and has SS EOW. I know he is saddened by this as he has been melancholy lately. 

If you remember BM had him arrested (when she showed up at SS school on his time, said she was taking SS as he didn’t want to be with BF as long as I was around, BF refused to leave and she called cops, said he pushed her because she tried to warn him about me stealing drugs from my patients and he wouldn’t listen.  He was arrested without any injuries on her (Charges were later dismissed).

He was SS’s soccer coach FOR YEARS and a few weeks before the arrest, they were sending out the plans/schedules and he wasn’t notified.  He called the Youth Soccer person, who emailed him that He “was no longer needed” I told him this was BM’s doing, and he poo-pooed my concerns and blamed Covid. 

BM admitted on the stand during custody battle that she told the person in charge of soccer (Who is good friends eight her family) that BF was a “Wife beater” and showed him the sexting messages/sexy photos of him and I (That she broke into his Icould and made copies, but its “our fault” by sending them to each other according to lawyers and cops).   We spoke to the custody lawyer about suing her, he said we don’t have a case (specially me because there are no damages to me) that it is hard in our state to prove slander/defamation of character and “If she believes her lies it isn’t slander.’ 

BF forgot about the soccer, but just applied to be a field hockey coach that his buddy convinced him to try out.  Everyone in the field hockey liked him and he was in the process of being hired UNTIL he just got “Blown off” for no reason.  BF asked his buddy about it, and when his buddy inquired about BF’s status he was told, “There is something wrong with him.”  BF went to the field hockey meeting/dinner and was ignored by all the “bigwigs.”

The head coach gave him the “side eye” when he walked past him.  (These people know the soccer people although another town).

Now to the nitty gritty. BF just announced that now that the cosuty battle is over, he wants to “reintroduce” SS to me and my kids.  He said he is going to tell SS that this is the way its going to be, you are going to be hanging around with us and you are going to like it” and he said he is going to start taking SS to our church where my son is an alter boy. 

I told BF that as long as SS is still under BM’s roof, he is not to be around me or my kids.  I also said that if he begins taking him to our church I will pull the kids out and go to another church.  I may be a ahole, but I don’t care. 

BF is looking for a lawyer to sue BM.  But I still don’t want SS around.

ESMOD's picture

So, what is he suing her for?  What does he hope to accomplish?  it sounds like his son doesn't want a lot to do with him..

I have a feeling his arrest for assault had a lot to do with why he was not allowed to be a coach.. but BM could have certainly cast some other accusations.  The fact is that these organizations don't want to borrow trouble.. so if there is even a whiff of a problem with a potential coach.. they will back away..  the fact is that he did push her.. which was poor judgement.. even if provoked.

Cookieboom's picture

because of the slander and showing everyone our photos.  I was not there at the time of the arrest, but we have the 911 call when she screamed on the phone and told the cop who I am, where I live, that I steal drugs from my patients at work, ect. and the operator asked if  I was there and she hestiated for a few seconds before saying no.  All I know is that she made lies and said she was afraid of me when she never met me.  

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Good luck with the lawsuit. I think it's an atrocity that your state doesn't have revenge porn laws. 

ESMOD's picture

He would have to prove harm from her statements.. and possibly that it impacted him.. or you financially.   Her yelling into the background of a 911 call is probably not going to be relevant here.  If she has made these claims to others and they are willing to testify to that? maybe.. and.. you would then need to prove that you have in fact not been implicated in anything like that at work.. if there have been investigations against you (not from her accusations).. it's possible that the court might consider her statements as misunderstood at best.

The reality is that despite these statements to a police officer.. there have been zero consequences to you correct?  your job never investigated or was made aware of them?  so again.. what were the damages.

Sharing pictures? well.. if your state has a "revenge" statute for spreading those kinds of pictures.. she might be able to be held accountable.. but otherwise.. maybe not.

has your SO spoken with a legit legal consultant on this? a lawyer.. are they telling him he has a case.. and if so.. does BM even have a pot to p in to give you anything?  a judgement against a pauper. isn't worth a lot.. and would leave your husband on the hook for legal bills potentially.. 

if there is a legit breaking of the law on her part.. then he can try to get charges brought.. but the court system is not likely to be overly enthusiastic about running through a bunch of he said she said from a bitter ex couple.

It may be the best advice is to keep his money in his pocket vs spending thousands on what might end up being a fool's errand trying to get some satisfaction in court... as much as you would like to see her get her due.. it quite often happens that it does not happen that way... and it's possible that despite the fact that charges were dismissed.. in a civil case.. they could possibly carry weight on some counter claim on her part.  is that really a can of worms he wants to bring up.

I would give her a large berth.

ESMOD's picture

I must have missed it my first read.  He has spoken to a lawyer.. who said he really doesn't have a case.. so why is he looking for a lawyer to sue her?

TBH.. there are legal professionals that will bring a suit if you want. even with no chance of winning.. happy to ring up the billable hours on your tab.

Don't let your and your DH's anger at her behavior override your common sense and allow her to cost you money to bring a fight that can't be won.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

True. Revenge porn laws are criminal charges. A civil suit is financial. If BM is broke, you won't get much. Also a civil judgment may not affect custody at all. 

Winterglow's picture

These are all very valid points. Hasn't he thrown enough money away on legal costs? And what does he have to show for it? A piece of paper that states SS is to have visitation with him every weekend that he has no way of enforcing if the kid doesn't want to come ( which he doesn't). Does he even have the money to go after BM? Or does he expect you to foot the bill? 

It's time he swallowed his pride and accepted the situation and stopped digging himself deeper into debt. How can you ever plan for a future together if he can't get past this? I highly recommend counselling... or leaving him. Your call.

Cookieboom's picture

We were in counseling but they decided he needed single, since all the issues are due to his mom, BM and SS.  Therapist disagrees with me and thinks I shuold "Not live by BM's rules" and hang out with SS.  

Winterglow's picture

Your therapist is either naive or very inexperienced. Is their name Pollyanna?

You know that BM will never allowed her precious baby to come within half a mile of you because you are the devil incarnate or at least that's what she's been telling anyone who's daft enough to listen.

ESMOD's picture

I think to be fair the therapist is correct in that they don't have to listen to BM telling them that OP can't be around his son.  That isn't her call.. his time.. his decision.. whether OP WANTS to is different.. lol.

Winterglow's picture

The therapist recommended that OP hang out with SS - what are the chances, given what we know about his feelings towards OP, that this will ever happen on this planet?

ESMOD's picture

haha.. very small.. I was approaching it more from the POV that BM doesn't have the power to dictate that.. and maybe that is all the therapist meant.

If the therapist is advising that OP somehow mend or fix the relationship with OP.. then I think OP needs to have a session to get their messaging directly.. not filtered through her DH.

 

Cookieboom's picture

I don’t know if he pushed her, I wasn’t there.  He denied pushing her.  She called 911 and started yelling “My ex-husband just pushed me, his girlfriend is this and that, she works here, she is stealing drugs from her patients, ect., so much that the operator starting asking questions about me and I wasn’t even there. 

There have never any investigations against me, she made them up.  I am not suing her, I have no damages, he is thinking about it due to her.

He only spoke to his custody lawyer, who I feel is a clown. I think if he is serious he would need to speak to an civil attorney.  BM lives in a paid off $900,000 home (Probably more now) and drives around in a Volvo.  She has money

Trust me, I am giving her and SS a large berth.

ESMOD's picture

They asked about you.. if you were there because it's their job to understand the full picture of who is on the scene.  The police officers would need to understand how many people they are dealing with.

He wants to sue due to her??? what damages does he have?  that his kid doesn't like him.. that his teams aren't asking him to be coach?  I mean.. given your SS's attitude.. it's possible the coaches asked him what he thought about his dad coaching.. and he said he didn't want him there.  Or.. prior coaches had some issues with your DH.. don't want him around.. nothing to do directly with BM.

So.. what exactly can he sue her for?  what are the damages HE can show the court?  A dismissed legal case? 

Court isn't meant to be used as revenge.. it will be a costly error in judgement I think.

advice.only2's picture

This guy already had to down grade his housing due to spending all his money on legal fees, I don't think he's all that bright.  Or he's as addicted to the drama as the baby mama. 

ESMOD's picture

All BM has to do is tell the teams that SS doesn't want his dad as a coach.. they aren't going to put him in that positition and cause a potential conflict.

It's not like these are his career.. paid positions... he can't force them to make them use him as a coach.  If coaching is a passion.. maybe look to leagues where his child is not participating and BM isn't a factor.

Cookieboom's picture

I told BF that as long as SS is still under BM’s roof, he is not to be around me or my kids.  I also said that if he begins taking him to our church I will pull the kids out and go to another church.  He said he understood by seems sad by the whole thing.  He cannot let go of this kid, who I believe is too far gone.  

advice.only2's picture

It really shocks me just how clueless your BF seems to almost everything around him.   I mean I understand sometimes you love who you love, but at my age this would not be worth it for me.  I would be okay being alone and not having all the drama this man drags around with him and does nothing to protect himself from it.

Cookieboom's picture

He still holds BM for all of the blame and continues to think that SS is a good boy who is a puppet to BM.  He does not hold SS accountable to anything, keeps blaming BM for everything he does.  

AlmostGone834's picture

Sounds familiar. My DH used to do this too when Little Idiot was a minor, living with BM. BM was a convenient scapegoat for everything LI did wrong. 

Yesterdays's picture

Yep another one in this category. My husband fully holds bio mom responsible for his kids behavior rather then it just being the kids... Holding them accountable or for any of his own parenting..

Eta.. The truth is though that  BM was largely responsible for messing my step kids way up.. And of course it happened more when she ended up with more custody so it's pretty tricky. 

My husband was a bit more lax but we had the step kids way less. Their behavior improved when they were with us more often and it's obvious that the kids were heavily influenced by her and that led to many of their problems... But can't just blame her alone. It was  a series of things.

We had this struggle as well. The thought of whether to go after her in court.. For mobility issues, amongst other things. In the end the kids were getting old and the lawyer  told us it may take 3 or 4 years for the court case, over $50,000, and these kids want to live with their mom. The court often sides with the kids choice when they ready a certain age   "they walk/talk with their feet". We didn't pursue anything.

notarelative's picture

SS back in my life? Absolutely NOT! Until he's an adult and acknowledges what BM is and has done, my answer would be NO. And even then I'd be extremely wary and want a superficial one that did not include visits to my home or with my bio kids.

I have no idea if a suit could be successful. Only a lawyer can tell him that. But, I foresee a very hard time proving it. And BF needs to make sure it is really winable -- aka the lawyer is not one who will sue just because they can.

Survivingstephell's picture

As long as he is caught up in his (justified) anger with BM, he is unavailable for a true relationship with you.  

Rags's picture

You can also go full frontal bare her ass on BM.  Hire a PI. Learn every sorded detail of her life and start putting out regular fact adds in the local paper with pics, etc....  Destroy her socially, financially, and her reputation.  Using facts. After all, facts are neither good nor bad. They are merely facts.

The 911 call is public record and she is recorded lying about you stealing drugs. Fraudulently entering his iCloud account. She is on record on the stand lying.  

We did this with the SpermClan having the police collect SS when SpermGrandHag would fail to put him on the plane per the scheduled end of a COd visitation. We had the police walk into her office, their church, restaurants, family reunion picnics and multiple units with lights flashing outside of the Hag's house.  She kept doing it, we kept baring her ass.  

She kept ranting, we kept telling her to STFU or "We'll see you in court.".  She hated that because she was neutered and if she did not want to go to court, there was nothing she could do about any of the consequences we chose to apply.  Our SpermLand attorney would beg us to not be so confrontational even though it was the Hag that started it every time.  When we would ask if the consequences we were applying were illegal, the answer from our SpermLand attorney was alway "No." But she was always worried that she would get a reputation locally of being mean and did not want to alienate the local Judges, Law Enforcement, or her potential client pool.  DW's home town Chief of Police was DW's HS BFF's dad.  He detested the SpermIdiot and the SpermClan so having a police unit hunt down the Hag to collect SS was something the Chief was happy to help with.  When he retired from the PD, he ran for County Sheriff and won.  That was even better because Spermidiot refused to live in the city limits because he was always under the hairy eyeball of the PD.

The Hag was all butt hurt and embarrassed.  But, she violated the terms of the CO and SS was with her. 

Make sure if BM plays stupid games that she wins stupid prizes.

Work with your lawyer to remain within the bounds of legality.

Enjoy!!!

Diablo

Dirol

grannyd's picture

Hey, Cookie,

Much like the recent post describing a dad who was driven to suicide by the actions of a toxic, revengeful ex-wife, your BF has suffered terribly from the machinations of an evil woman. She has been almost psychopathic in her relentless determination to ruin his life, even though she damaged her own child in the process. Her attempts to also throw her toxic net over you is downright frightening.

I’ve been following your posts since 2020 and fully understand why your husband is so enraged with the injustice of the entire fiasco with his ex and her ability to cause so much damage without consequences.

When I discussed this ongoing state of affairs with my husband, he claimed that rather than waste more money on legal fees, your BF would be better served by hiring a couple of thugs to break the bitch’s kneecaps. He claims that a knee-capping would serve several purposes; it would get her attention, encourage her to re-think her malevolent maneuverings, save him funds and give him great satisfaction.

Seriously, though, I agree with the other posters in that it’s time to ‘drop the rope’ in every way, particularly since the teenager at the root of all this uproar is a nasty little POS. Like you, Cookie, I wouldn’t want that obnoxious brat anywhere near me or mine. Sounds like he and his mother are birds of a feather; let her have him! Bad

Lillywy00's picture

She sounds like a hot mess and a nightmare to coparent with. 
 

But I'm confused though....what did the stepson do to make you not want him around your kids?

grannyd's picture

Hey, Lilly,

 I’ve followed Cookie’s posts since she became a member of StepTalk so I thought that I’d save her some time and respond to your query myself. Here are some excerpts from her comments, to give you an idea of why she’s reluctant to have her BF’s son in her orbit:

The other day BF took SS to his soccer game.  It was his scheduled day with SS.

After he (BF) dropped him (SS) off and was getting out to watch, SS told him that he wanted him to leave because he (BF) is fat and ugly and he (SS) doesn’t want to be associated with him. 

He (BF) hasn't seen him (SS) in a year and the last time he saw him, SS told him to dump that "skank" or he would never see him again. In the past he would destroy my gifts given to BF, threw and damaged a photo of BF and I, and brought home baked goods that BM made (she never baked until after I did) and demanded I not touch them. 

He came for his visit with BF and refused to help pack, once again asking why BF had to move.  BF said, I told you, I can’t afford to live here anymore.” SS said, “If you weren’t a fat lazy slob that chose a whore over me you would not be in this predicament,”

The other day, SS was mad that BM wasn’t answering the phone, swearing, punching the wall.  BF told him to stop acting like that and maybe call her?

SS called BM and she answered. SS yelled, “where the f*& were you, you bi%Yh? I was worried!” 

BM said she was sleeping (This was like 1 in the afternoon…)

He (SS) hung up and continued to call her names and ask who is sleeping this early in the day, she’s a bit&*$”

Yup, the kid's a real sweetheart, yeah? And Cookie, I took the liberty of adding brackets to better explain who was who. Hope that you don't mind?

Cookieboom's picture

No problem thank you!  He also told a therapist that he is in “fear” of me and our relationship is “ruining his life” but could not say why. I am adding a few other things that happened in the past:

SS told BF that “So and so saw you with Cookieboom” and how there is rumors that I am dating other men.  SS would FaceTime BF on her custodial days to talk nonsense.  She stood behind SS and BF is asked, “Where are you?” “At beach,” “R u with Cookieboom?” “No,” “Prove it,” (He has to panoramic the area) BM got on FaceTime, announced that SS is staying an extra day/extra week, and “What do you care you are with your GF and SS hates her anyway.”

My kids and I watched fireworks with BF, SS, his mother, sister and her kids July 4.  SS told him the he ruined his fourth of July as that was time for HIS FAMILY and that I should not have been there.  We also went to an amusement park and SS said that BF ruined his good time as it was supposed to be “Child and dad time”

SS told BF: “You are going to move in with GF eventually so why don’t you do us a favor and move in with her right now and I will live with mom”

SS told him NUMEROUS times to “break up with that skank or I will” and once took BF’s phone and texted BM stating he still loved her and wanted to get back together (Posting as BF).

At the time SS was violent, cusses, puts people down, makes fun of heavy people, makes racist comments and makes fun of special needs people.  I went nacho with SS years ago. 

Rags's picture

It is not the puke's family time. It is the NCPs family time.

This panoramic view proving the parent's mate is not there is pathetic ball-less crap from a cowtowed POS parent.  That breeder needs to bury their leg full length up that POS kid's ass.

Nea

We SPs need to respect ourselves more than to tolerate this kind of failed crap from a mate.

IMHO.

AgedOut's picture

I'm afraid your DH is just going to keep poking his bruise. You and I know this is not going to go over well but I guess he just has to keep poking his bruise until it's too painful and he stops. 

Yesterdays's picture

I suppose he can try the route.. Spend the money, put the effort in. It may or may not work out. Do you think it would give him closure in any way, no matter the outcome or is he just lashing out? 

Harry's picture

Why are you still in this relationship?  DH is spending all his time and MONEY. To get visitation with his DS. Who you don't like. Or want him around.   How can you love a person in this type of situation ?

I can understand DH wanting to see his DS. coach him in soccer,  But the war with BM.  So if DH did get full custody, he would have to move out.?   You are never going to break the BM. DS  relationship.   He would never get full custody, Unless BM is in jail or mentally crazy. She would get EVOW.  
 

''You are consuming your life with this nonsense. DH already consumes his life battling BM.  He is spending more time in court then loving you.   Where do you fit in?  Where or when do you come first.  Does DH take you and your kids away on vacation to do the DISNEY experience. Or to city's to see.  Camping,  

'or you just fighting all the time.  .....THIS ID NO WSY TO LIVE 

Yesterdays's picture

Another point our lawyer did make... You may end up in year's long drawn out battle. They weigh the child's preferences and in our case... There would have been meetings for the parents and for the child  with mental health professions and some kind of regulatory body that has interviews about both homes, etc.

In the end, if your spouse won custody, the child might be extremely upset and refuse and make a big scene. By this time, he would be even older. He would likely be forced into a situation that he doesn't want to happen. It's just something to think about. And also the fact that you have to consider your own feelings about the whole process and the result. 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

I have followed your story from the beginning and have always had sympathy for your SO. However, it is time for him to let this all go. His kid does not want to spend time with him and his ex is not going to stop her antics. And now he thinks you and your kids should spend time with his son? That is just crazy. Are you sure this guy is worth it?

Winterglow's picture

I'm wondering what it will take for him to stop fighting. Why is he fighting a situation where he can't win? Does he see that BM is pushing him towards being bankrupt? Because that's her endgame - leaving him totally destitute so she can tell his son " see, I told you he was worthless". If he had a modicum of common sense he'd realise that the best route would be to PROVE that he's a superior being rather than trying to negate BM's unfounded accusations. Tell him to show the world that he's a good parent.