Yes, they know already but they will throw you under the bus to keep it hid because to deal with it they would then have to face their failed parenting.

Oh forgot to mention they will even destroy evidence of their bad behavior to perpetuate the myth that their spawn are perfect.

Turning a blind eye or Turning a deaf ear to anything they don't want to believe as truth, is the perfect saying for any Disney Parent. When SD38(Leech) was young, DAH made every excuses in the book about his precious snowflake. She wasn't lying, she was just making up a story. She wouldn't talk that way to anyone, she respects all adults. The list could go on and on. If that didn't suit his purpose, then he would get defensive, about how I hated his daughter. It took 30+ years for my DAH to finally see the light, to what a POS his daughter truly is. The eye opener for my DAH was Leech having the SGD10. DAH was so protective of SGD10, that he didn't want her to end up like Leech.

Like emotional incest or miniwife...or that these things are abuse or at least crippling to the kids... then they would have to face their own issues as to why they cause their children to become like this...maybe they have no adult friends, maybe they were wounded as a child themself and never healed it (abuse carries on thru generations)... and to learn that not only have you been a crappy parent, but have actually abused and warped your kids...that's hard for ppl to swallow. I hope they DO choose the path toward healing..

Alas, none of us likes to own up to our failures especially when it comes to our kids

...  that parents in general--mothers and fathers alike--are blind to and defensive about their children's faults. It does not take a divorce to set this dysfunction in motion. I suspect that people who behave this way are confused about where their children end and they begin; they have boundary issues and over-identify with their kids. Add to this a man creepily attracted to his daughters, who obviously share quite a few characteristics with a woman who once caught his eye. Throw in a dash of "love me, love my dog," and you have a huge mess on your hands, which frankly you should have had the sense to stay the hell away from to begin with.

But here you are, trying to live with someone who is oblivious to the fact that they are ruining their children and causing misery to other adults who have to deal with the brats--partners, teachers, babysitters, old ladies in cross walks, etc. I don't think there's a solution other than the offending parent figuring himself or herself out--hah!--or a third party (that would be you reading this, I'm afraid) constantly calling out the offender until it stops. Often it never does.

The only question is, are you willing to live with it?

Mine had already been told by an ex. I would not say she fears facing up to her incompetent parenting...what she fears is SD herself. She has turned into such an aggressive, devious, manipulative cry baby of an adult that if she now dare to stand up to her she will create a s**tstorm which will last until DW sees the error of her ways and falls into line.

A week ago DP witnessed first hand how atrociously his darling little angel treats other kids. He had a talk to her at the time and has since forgotten all about it. So yeah, he knows but he brushes every misbehaviour off as a one off incident that's in the past so doesn't matter anymore. 

I think they know, but there's a huge element of denial. It requires them to admit the faults in their perfect spawn and their own parenting. It took a complete breakdown in SD and I's relationship for DH to wake up and smell the coffee.

Most of the time, this type of parenting meets the parent's needs. They feel like good parents who would do anything for their children. Giving and giving and never setting limits reduces the parent's short-term anxiety about losing the kids.

It's the same with parents who enable drug addiction - they do it because it eases their anxiety about losing their kids. They can't see the long-term consequences, or if they can see them, they can't deal with their negative feelings in the short-term, so they keep on enabling.

The men who know full well that they are being used as ATMs, but continue anyway fall in this camp. They can't deal with the anxiety of saying "NO" and possibly losing their kids, so they keep on with a destructive dynamic that hurts everyone long-term.

Yes, on some level they know this isn't okay, but they can't stop.

and I've said that many times. Admission=failed parenting. They will never allow that to come out and be exposed. Rather, they draw people in like "us" who think they are good people, however, until issues are addressed and a plan of action is in place and consistent, nothing changes. Only the names and faces change. Wives are interchangeable like "Mr. Potato Head" parts, but kids are here to stay FOREVER, no matter how manipulative or horrible. They've been doing this "dance of dysfunction" long before any of us ever met them.

They are careful to keep their sick mess under wraps until they know they have you. By then, for many it is too late(for whatever reasons; shame of ending the relationship, too many years invested etc.) but lucky for you that you found this site and stopped it before the crazy train jumped the tracks.