A Toxic Man
Hello all! As some of you may know, I watch YouTube life coach/relationship coach videos from time to time. Some have been very interesting, others not so much. I recently came across a YouTube video and the presenter described different types of men. One type of man that was described really caught my attention. The type of man the presenter described that really caught my attention was the one he deemed to be a "toxic" man. He said something like the first evidence of a man becoming or being toxic is his unwillingness to cover his woman. A man who is unwilling to cover his woman is one who will throw her under the bus in situations that he should be covering her.
I agree 1000%. If a man is unable or unwilling to cover his woman, then in my opinion he doesn't deserve to have her in his life. A lot of the women on this message board have been or are still being deeply hurt because of their husband's/significant other's unwillingness to cover them when it comes to stepkids and/or a high conflict bm.
For the women who are in a situation like this, know that your husband is not broken but is instead toxic. As far as I am concerned, one of the most natural things for a man to be in his woman's life is a protector. If a man can't protect his woman, something is inherently wrong with him in my opinion.
It would have been great if the presenter had explained in detail what makes a man toxic. Curious to know what others thoughts are.Also curious to know if any of you remember the first time your husband or significant other failed to cover you when it came to his kids? I remember when this occurred with my ex because it was the same day I ended our relationship.
YouTube videos are not where
YouTube videos are not where you or anyone else needs to be going for relationship advice IMHO.
No one needs a video to tell them that an asshole is not a good partner.
There is more to a quality blended family marriage than just mutual support between spouses. The breeder spouse needs to manage their children and demand respect for themselves, their mate, and their marriage. The boundaries also must include the non breeding spouse actively participating in the blended element of the marriage and accepting their mates children. Without boundaries that cover both sides of the blended family marriage, it won't last.
IMHO of course.
YouTube videos are not where
Seems like that would be the case. However, how many women come on here stating their partner is wonderful or a soul mate, etc. When these men are toxic and brought toxicity into their lives? When I came to this message board I thought my ex had issues but then it rained toxicity. A person, man or woman, who is being abused by anyone (including their kids) shouldn't be in a relationship but working on their issues inmho.
I cringe every time I read
I cringe every time I read something along the lines of "my SO is my soul mate and wonderful..... except......"
I concur regarding abuse by anyone. Parents, partners, children, etc.... the abuser needs to be met with overwhelming agression and misery inducing consequences for their crap.
I don't see this as a
This would be a problem for me. If a man shows me he is too weak to be self-protective, then I would come to the conclusion that whether I needed to be protected or not, he would have an inability to be a protector. For me, that is totally unacceptable and a deal breaker for me. Protection doesn't just amount to physically. It includes mentally and emotionally etc.too.
Many on this board have attributed stephell in part to having weak, spineless husband's or significant others and toxic skids and/or hcbm. The men I know, would NEVER tolerate bs coming from their kids, adult kids, exes, or anyone else for that matter. So there is no way in hell, they would expose their wife or significant other to it.
Moving away from a problem, running from it pretending it doesn't exist,, or hiding it isn't going to make it go away. If anything it makes the problem much worse. Do some of this father's truly fear their kids or adult kids???? So much that they are willing to be miserable for the rest of their lives? ??? So much that they don't care how it affects their wife or significant other??? Life is too short for that, and imho, a man like this is beyond broken and truly is toxic with some deep-seated issues. To be honest until I met my ex, I didn't know crap like this really went on.
In my lifetime I have known several blended families and they are just not going through the things we read about on the message board. I only know of one relatives friend who married a man with a few daughters who were problematic. After their mom died, the daughters had to move in with their dad and stepmom. Well one day the daughters got in an altercation with the sm. Someone called the dad at work to tell him what happened. The dad hurried home from work, and he put his daughters out of the home, off the property, and told them they better never come back again or ever put their hands on his wife again (or something like that). He didn't make excuses for his daughters, he didn't coddle them, he didn't play like he was torn or in the middle. He did what a man who covers his wife is supposed to do.
Our dad made it clear to
Our dad made it clear to never put him in the position of having to choose between his boys or his wife. Mom and dad are life long partners and their boys had zero choice to respect them and their marriage.
We all will celebrate their 59th wedding anniversary this Summer. They set the example, their son's follow that example. My brother and SIL will celebrate 28 years of marriage this year and my bride and I will celebrate 27.
I am proud to have won the parent lottery and to have a father who holds his wife in high regard and insists that his sons do the same with his wife and with their own wives. My firecracker mom would not tolerate her sons disrespeting her or her husband. Or tolerate anyone else disrespecting her or her husband.
That so many in blended family marriages tolerate disrespect for their mate, their marriage, and themselves makes no sense to me at all.
Rags you are very lucky to
Rags you are very lucky to have won the parent lottery. Sounds like you had amazing parents. You are also blessed to have found your wive and vice versa. You two are on the same page, which seems so hard to find nowadays.
I'm starting to realize based on your comment that men and women need to be shown what a healthy marriage and relationship is. Perhaps if they don't have that, it leads to a bunch of toxix relationships. It seems like it should be common sense that the marriage or relationship between two people comes first. Why the hell would any parent allow their kid to get comfortable disrespecting them or their partner?
I do not know why.
I wish I did. That would make it much easier to help people who insist on torturing themselves by staying in toxic relationships.
My mom refers the example you are referring to as "Parent Tapes". Of course they would now becalled DVDs or video files. We all have the examples of relationships and parenting from our parents, GPs, Aunts, Uncles, friend's parents, etc.... demonstrate.
It is hard for me to believe that there are so many people who had crappy examples and more alarming that they have not recognized that the examples they observed were screwed up and have not done whatever possible to avoid repeating those trainwreck examples.
Our parents would not have tolerated disrespctful or abusive behavior by their boys. The thought of the consequences they would have applied makes my skin crawl and I am 57. Shudder........ Not that any of us would have made that mistake. Mom and dad raised us from day one with boundaries, standards of behavior, standards of performance, and made it clear that their marriage and each other were their priority and would be respected. Period.
I am blessed. Mom and dad are awesome. My bride is incredible. My kid is a truly good man.
Spot on. Any man who chooses
Spot on. Any man who chooses his kids poor behaviors over his partner does not deserve to have her in his life. Everyone is eager to talk about child abuse but no one ever talks about kids who abuse adults, adults who are nice, giving and respectful towards their step kids and in return the kids are verbally, emotionally and sometimes even physically abusive towards the adult. It needs to be discussed more.
This topic definitely does
This topic definitely does need to be discussed more. But step-parents really have to set some strong boundaries when it comes to a toxic man and his toxic kids. But even better yet, leave those relationships..