Fake, fake, fake!
My SO has had SD9 full-time since she was a baby. Her BM has scheduled visitation every couple of months for one week at a time. Even though she doesn't get much interaction with her, it's obvious that her BM's genes are strong in her. She looks more like my SO, but her personality, facial expressions, attitude, and overall behavior are 100% a mix of her BM and her maternal grandmother (which is scary, to say the least). We have done everything possible to stop it, but it becomes more and more apparent that nature (versus nurture) is winning.
As she gets older, I think it's harder for her to control her natural urges to act like a self-centered, dramatic, dishonest human being. If she doesn't get her way or if we try to correct her bad behavior, SD gets irritated and acts like we are terrible for not bowing down to her and thinking she is the greatest thing to ever exist. She acts very unfriendly and aloof quite often. Lately, she gives me dirty looks and acts really rude UNLESS I'm doing something for her or she wants something. She didn't speak to me yesterday and she looked at me stupidly every time she saw me. Then after dinner, she ever so sweetly asked if she could have a dessert that my co-worker made for me. Today, I wanted a smoothie, so I bought one for everyone. She ever so sweetly thanked me. The fakeness absolutely makes my blood boil, but I'm sure that my SO thinks she's just the sweetest! Fake, fake, fake!
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Comments
Does she receive consequences
Does she receive consequences for her shitty behaviour? What does DH do? I despise disrespect from kids and I don't negotiate with terrorists. That kid would have a hard time with me. I'd also stop doing for her with the explanation that I do not do things for people who treat me poorly.
Yes, she receives a variety
Yes, she receives a variety of consequences when my SO believes that what she's done is sh*tty. He grounds her, he gives her long talks, he adds chores to her list of daily activities, he takes things away that are important to her, and more. When he's busy making excuses for her behavior or believing her over me, she doesn't suffer any consequences. Over the last few months, I've stopped doing as much as I always have. I'm so tired of the fakeness.
Sounds horrible. He self
Sounds horrible. Her self centered urges should be easier to control as she gets older rather than harder to control. And she's only 9?!??!!?
It is horrible. She was in
It is horrible. She was in love with herself when she was four, but it was much more tolerable back then. Yes, she's only nine, but her attitude is that of a bad teenage girl.
To some extent, it's normal
To some extent, it's normal for children to be aholes.
If she seems similar to BM and GBM, it may be partly due to BM having a personality disorder that causes her to act like a child.
But yes, she does sound above and beyond normal brat level child. Don't do her any more favors.
Passive aggression is the worst, because it gives them plausible deniability. She will claim she didn't give you a dirty look. Avoid interacting with her as much as possible.
I have my own children (who
I have my own children (who are older than SD) and they most certainly do not act anything like her. Nothing about her is normal, and I promise I'm not saying that strictly as a fed up step-parent. She does well with her school work, but I've had moms approach me at school assemblies to let me know that their daughter doesn't want to be friends with SD anymore because she's mean, bossy, and picks on people.
Your advice is solid. I have to avoid her as much as possible. Thank you!