Runaway step kids
So if you read my previous posts you will see what a diasster BM and SS are. Anyways a month ago, DH went to SS's hometown because BM couldn't handle him again and he ran away. Dh found him after driving around for hours. Ss told him he wanted to move out of BM's and into another family's home. This is a "family" who takes in random kids that runaway. Aparently they have taken in 8 teens prior. Dh said no. But SS went anyways. Dh and BM both called the cops and they arrived and said they can't force him to go home but he has to go somewhere. So SS took a backpack and moved out. He has runaway mutliple times from BM's and has spent the night elsewhere lots of times. These things wouldn't fly at our house and SS knows that. So BM recently asked DH to take SS15 back. DH nevers says no everytime she asks but he knows I am done with it. He has caused soooo much drama and tears. I literally cannot handle it. We also have 2 little girls at home. SS has also been vaping and snorting xanax at BM's house, swears to her face and is a complete moron, and disrespectful. He does not listen to rules and is an entitled brat. Dh keeps thinking that if we take him back we can chnage him. I don't know what else to do. Ss is a talker and knows what exactly to say to get DH to side with him. I don't want him back. What do you all do with runaway trouble teens that want to come home? Obviously he is not my son so I have no good feelings about it. I get that he is a kid but i just can't forgive and forget what he has done.
It is time your dh places ss
It is time your dh places ss in boys home where he will be held accountable for every move he makes. Snorthing Xanax ??
IF your dh wont, you should think about asking him to leave...just like he said he would with SS before this time. Remember?
This is a mess and mom and dad are not dealing with it.
(((SORRY)))
PS...please tell your dh that some things are bigger than he is. THIS is one of those things. His kid needs professional full time help---maybe 6 months or so.
jmo
Yes I completely agree with
Yes I completely agree with you. I just feel like If I told DH to leave that he would. With SS. Just to spite me. It would be over and my girls would be without their dad. I know thats probably not a good way to think about it but ya. I don't want him to leave.
It's not so easy just to
It's not so easy just to place your kid into a home. Many of these homes have waiting lists and are understaffed. Also if your kid is in state care child support will be given to the state. Kids run away from these kinds of homes too.
It sounds to me as if you and the girls would
Be better off without both of them.
You can't bring this type of chaos into a house with young children. Let DH take his son and get an apartment. It will be the kind of come to Jesus event they both need.
^This. To save the marriage
^This. To save the marriage and everyones sanity this would be the best option until ss is a legal adult.
"Sometimes the thing you fear
"Sometimes the thing you fear the most, once it happens, isn't nearly as bad as you thought it would be."
These are powerful words, and very true.
Look, you need to step up as a mother and either draw some hard boundaries or leave. Stop passively allowing this carp to happen to you, and start operating from a place of strength to make your H afraid of losing you and your bios. Lay it out for him: SS has problems far above your ability to fix or cope with, and bringing him into your home would be detrimental to your marriage. Does your H really want to live under a bridge, paying cs for two more kids? Tell him that under no circumstances can SS live with you, because you won't have your bios exposed to his dysfunctional and criminal behaviors. Period.
Do NOT subject your bios to this crazy. I grew up with a behaviorally challenged older sister, and suffered for it. She created constant chaos and drama in our family, and it only got WORSE as she got older. Your kids deserve a childhood with peace and stability, and it's your job to provide that since your H can't be relied on to think rationally. Don't let them be collateral damage in someone else's mess.
If DH has not parent his kid up to this point
Why do you think he going to start now. If SS moves in it's going to be the end of your marriage. You are not going to take SS disrespecting you. DH is not going to fo anything about it. Beside the big talk. Jude say NO. SS should put placed into a place that can help him.
DH isn't even talking to me
DH isn't even talking to me about it. Everytime we talk about it it turns into a fight. He brought it up last week when BM asked him but he hasnt brought it up since. So he and BM discuss these things and he doesn't even talk to me about it until the last minute. This has happened so many times before and he says I don't bring it up because we just start fighting...
And the thing is, its not
And the thing is, its not like we haven't tried many times before. Before things got this bad. And everytime BM would say I am being too hard on him and she wanted him back. DH doesn't want to fight so he gives him back. We have offered to sign him up for military/boarding schools and she said she wasn't going to contribute anything. BM's new DH doesn't want SS in their house either because of the disrepect and bad behavior.
DH has been talking to SS and
DH has been talking to SS and telling him he can come live with us and that he can help him, blah blah. He is currently finishing off renovations on a rental property for us so Im pretty sure he will save one of the rooms for SS and rent out the other rooms to other college students in the area. What should I do? How should I navigate this? Have DH move out also? Separate finances? We currently own 2 businesses together. I am able to still work with him.
At the least I would require
At the least I would require Skid to sign a lease for. Full rent, utilities and repairs of any damages he causes. That lets you evict him if necessary even if daddy refuses to. Be ready for any other room mates to put that POS into a world of hurt or move out at a moment's motive if Skid makes their living experience untenable.
If you are considering booting DH and separating finances it is likely past the point of no return.
IMHO it is time to forcibly emancipate both DH and his spawn. Why live this turd show?
Whatever you choose, do not allow this toxic POS anywhere near your young children. He can live under the local over pass if necessary. Buy him a cheap pup-tent and a sleeping bag and give him a rechargable Mc a D's gift card and load it up with a few $ every month so he doesn't starve. No more than that.
IMHO of course.