Lies, lies, lies
My 16 yo SS lies pretty much all of the time. Fairly used to this but not sure what to do in a particular case and welcome thoughts and ideas. Background: He is the youngest of dad's (my husband) 4 children and both bio mom and dad give him regular 'passes'--ie not held accountable. When bringing his lieing up to my husband, he gets very defensive and upset so I avoid bringing up (yes--I know this is not healthy). While my husband was out of town, one of our cats got into SS's room--the cat is normally not allowed in there, but I accidentally left the door open when putting clean laundy in his room. The cat got very very sick. At the time, I did not what the cat got into; panicked, I took him to the vet and $200 later, she passed some teeny vape filters. Meanwhile, I knew the cat had gotten into his room and asked SS multiple times if he had any idea what she could have gotten into? "No idea" was a constant refrain though I was sure it was something. Flash forward a week, his dad is back and SS has to go out of town for his grandmother's funeral. Dad insists he cleans his room before leaving. He puts trash into our city containers and the birds get it in because of food etc...I get home, trash all over the front yard and lo and behold there is loads of vape paraphenellia covered with cat hair! Obviously the cat got into SS's vape stuff. (Ugh! He's vaping?!? I let dad know about vape stuff in the yard and he has SS clean it up--figuring the message is, "we know you're vaping" However, husband has no deets about the vet visit because he was out of town and for very stressful reasons so didn't think he needed to add this to his plate at the time.) Bottom line, SS lied--the cat could have died and I spent 200.00 trying to figure out why my cat was so sick. I did not confront SS at the time, because his grandma (his mom's mom) just passed but now he is home and I am still pissed about it. (I normally have a long fuse, but this one is hard to let go) Do I: 1. Let it go? 2. Let him know I know what happened? 3. Let him know I know and have him make payment arrangements to pay me back? 4. Have him fess up to dad? 5. Have him fess up to mom? 6. Other ideas? I'm tired of the lieing, I can't trust him; his dad thinks it's just a phase and gets particulalry prickly whenever I have anything negative to communicate about SS. And this I know: teens lie. But i think they should be called on itl. Thoughts?
Sit the Skid and daddy down
Sit the Skid and daddy down at the table, hand them both the cat bill, outline the incident, draw your line in the sand that the skid bullshit is done and daddy fixes it or you will and neither one of them will like it if you have to fix it.
If daddy does not like how you parent and discipline a kid in your home he can step up and get it done before you have to or STFU and have your back.
OP, I rarely agree with Rags,
OP, I rarely agree with Rags, and I 100% agree with him on this. Sitting them both down and laying it all out is the best approach. If your DH doesn't have your back at the table, call him out on that, too. If SS is old enough to vape, he's old enough to be uncomfortable while you call BOTH of them to the carpet.
I also think SS needs to pay you back in either labor or cash. I wouldn't touch the issue of him; that's on his parents to decide on how they want to handle that. Stick strictly to being lied to and how it nearly killed your pet. He'll likely pull the "well you let the cat in" and you respond with "you're right, because I was doing YOUR laundry for YOU, which now stops."
This is a good plan. No 14
This is a good plan. No 14 year old should be vaping. You have every right to say something and should speak up. Put it on them. Ss brought something unacceptable into your home and nearly killed your pet plus cost you $200. DH is looking the other way and that's also unacceptable and hurtful. Don't subscribe to his methods. Be the adult and call them both out. Refusing to set boundaries is to embrace chaos in your home. This is a hill to die on.
In most places I don't believe someone so young is even legally allowed to vape - though I might be wrong.
You need to remember this is
You need to remember this is your home too and you are allowed to have boundaries that can't be crossed. If vaping, smoking, drugs, etc are all on your list of unacceptable behavior in YOUR home- you can take action.
Personally, I would search his room. Find all of the stuff that he shouldn't have, and hand it to your husband when he walks in the door. Tell him to deal with it or you will.
I had to take matters into my own hands with my SS last week. Things are a little different for us because SS only sees my husband for 6 weeks a year and has been alienated beyond belief. I finally told my SS that his dad doesn't want to ride his a$$ for the short time that he gets to see him every year but I don't care and I don't care if he hates me, I WILL hold him accountable. -- SS16 still won't look me in the eye.