For months I was holding on to the relationship with my (Donne to be) ex-husband and his three kids. 
 

To cut a very long story short, his lies, narcissism and financial/psychological/eventually physical abuse got too much for me. After being in and out of court for 3 weeks,

I finally had a friend fly over from far away, help me pack in the dead of the night while my husband was out and she drove me all the way to her safe home for me and my animals at the other side of the country. 
 

Im still in a daze. I'm still heartbroken to some extent, but more than anything I'm just relieved that I was able to leave. DH is on a rampage right now, slandering me online and playing the victim, but I'm staying quiet and waiting until I'm feeling a bit stronger before I choose to speak up about the abuse I've experienced. Right now my priority is healing in the company of the most amazing (plutonic!) friend who also experienced something similar and recognized the signs of abuse in me and who herself has been abused in the past and had help from friends and family to escape - so she's paying it forward.

Right now my DH doesn't know where I am. He has been trying his best to find out through my closest friends and my family but nobody is telling him. 
 

It feels good to be out. I'm numb and so fragile in many ways right now but making the decision to leave was the best decision ever. I'm listening to the music I like again without someone telling me my music is shit. I'm eating where I want without having to pay for +4 people. I'm thinking about my work without being shamed for it. I'm sleeping (mostly) better because I'm not worried I'm being watched or filmed. My dog is happier. 
 

And also nice (though not something im open to right now) is that someone *my* age who is incredibly kind, handsome and enjoying life as a veterinarian reached out to express wanting to explore a relationship when I'm ready. I've made it clear that I'm not going to be ready for a long time and will need extensive help to make sure I don't carry the trauma of my disastrous marriage into my next relationship. I think maybe a year or so of being alone is in order. 
But it's nice to know that I'm still attractive to men my age who aren't much older divorcees with 3 kids and no job. 
 

DH has already moved on to someone he was grooming to take my place and is now living with the girl he told me not to worry about. 
I've realsied he probably didn't love me and probably never would have no matter how much I gave him. But I also know that even though I only have 3 suitcases and my animals, I have love and support from real people, I made it out alive, I'm wiser, I have a thriving career and now a purpose to do more for survivors of domestic violence. 
I'm going to make something really good come from this. My going to find a way to help others and eventually, when I'm ready, I'm going to find a kind, CHILDLESS person to love, but until then I'm going to love being in a much nicer state, surrounded by women my age who do the same job as me, where I can feel safe to find myself again and pick up the pieces to frame myself up for better than my DH. 
 

x