February's hearing just majorly escalated
Tuesday DH lost his uncle. This man really stepped in and became a father figure after DH's own dad passed away when he was 21. DH was going to tell SS.
DH tried to call SS on facetime per the custody agreement's Tuesday facetime. SS answered but kept it away from his face.
SS: What?
DH: SS name?
SS: No ___ here. Wrong number.
DH: SS, seriously what is going on? Where are you?
SS: (hangs up)
So then DH sends a text to both SS and BM:
I tried to call my son just now and even though I am fairly certain that it was SS that I was talking to, I was told it was the wrong number. so 1) Did you change my son's number and not tell me AGAIN? 2) if I don't hear from my son in the next 20 minutes I will be forced to do a police welfare check as I have not heard from my son in 2020 at all and now hear that I don't even have proper contact information.
Of course no response from either. We did the check. Police verified that he was there and ok. Would not verify that he had the correct number.
Our attorney is changing our contempt hearing for Christmas and the bogus journal entry that BM's attorney drew up (Not was was ordered in court at ALL) to emergency hearing at the soonest possible date immediate change in custody and now:
- The Journal Entry
- Contempt for Christmas
- Contempt for Summer
- Decision for Spring Break Contempt (that was held under advisement)
- Contempt for the calls
- Contempt for medical info (she is hiding that again)
- Contempt for school info (She didn't inform us of the 504 or IEP meetings and also SS was searched at school and we were not informed)
- Contempt for communication- she was order to respond to DH when he asks about SS. Also the death in the family not being able to be relayed.
- Writ of Assistance for Spring Break so that MIL or SIL can get him to the airport for us.
- Bringing the Custodial Interference charge to the court for Christmas as well
We know that he won't change custody but we are asking that she serve jail time while SS is with us for spring break due to all of the charges. Doubt it but we are asking for it.
The hearing is supposed to be Feb 26, hoping for an earlier hearing. DH and I are not flying out. We will be teleconferenced in.
If we don't get anything out of this hearing, our attorney is going to ask for immediate removal of parental rights and child support of DH to SS. He is going to state that a father is more than a paycheck and if this court will only regulate him to a paycheck, all CS and rights to the child should cease immediately. SS has a job and is self supporting.
I will let you ladies and gents know when we have more info!
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Oh hon, best of luck. I wish
Oh hon, best of luck. I wish jail time on that nasty witch more then any other bm on this board....sending good vibes to you and hope it results in what you want. I agree with attorney's last statement too, remove CS ....i"m sure defenders will say -oh but that shows him you gave up and you should always be there for him. I think there is a limit to how one is treated, even if it's your own kid.
This is an epic example of
This is an epic example of toxic BMs, PASing, and a terrible court system. I can only imagine that your poor DH is both heartbroken and furious.
Wishing you the best and hoping that awful excuse for a mother serves jail time and more.
SS won't care about the death of DH"s Uncle
because he has already been programmed that DH's side of the family is baaaaaaad and therefore doesn't exist.
I sincerely doubt they will do anything more than a nanosecond length partial scowl towards the HCGUBM. The fact that DH fights this vigorously for his son only cements in the BM-Centric courts that father is indeed abusive and that the BM is trying to "protect-her-child(ren)-from-abusive-dad-and-his-woman-who-is-trying-to-usurp-the-sainted-BM" (TM)
What would really cause her to stand up and take notice would be if the courts would pull their collective heads out of a dark and unsanitary place and take away her golden ticket, aka CS for Emancipation by Conduct. Money is the ONLY motivator for these HCGUBMs!
You hit the nail on the head
You hit the nail on the head ThinkThrice!
Good luck
There has to be some type of consequence for her contempt? It not, it seems like you're beating your heads against a brick wall - and spending a bunch of money on lawyers for what? So frustrating, and I hope you find justice.
One would think that
One would think that something will happen but this is the same judge where we flew out there for nothing for a hearing because he didn't want to hear it. Another time had a full day hearing scheduled and told the attorney's that he didn't care what either party said he was going with the GAL report so don't waste his time. Awarded the divorce that violated the Soldiers and Sailors act.. the list goes on and on. I would really love to know how we report a judge for misconduct.
Where do you draw the line?
At what point do you cut your losses with the court system? And how much money do you throw at a problem that you might not be able to solve? I completely empathize with your situation - but you and others sound pessimistic about the likelihood that the judge will apply meaningful consequences for BM's contempt, so then what? Even if you give up on the courts for financial reasons, your husband can continue to try to reach out to his son, and he has clearly fought for him. You guys have probably read the books on this topic, like Divorce Poison and Co-parenting With a Toxic Ex?
This is it for us. That is
This is it for us. That is why if we don't get a major "win" this hearing we are moving to remove custodial rights. BM claims to her friends (that think she is a POS and give us info) that SS wants to be emancipated from his dad (of course this is the alienation). So fine, if BM won't be found guilty and there aren't serious changes we are done. Hopefully they will grant emancipation by conduct (SS claiming he works so he can't come visit and refuses to let DH in his life).
I don't know if you know my back story but we haven't been able to see SS out of a court room for 17 months. Last time he was with us, it was all talk about our next trip together, he loves us, he was all hugs and tears leaving. When DH got ahold of him for 5 minutes in the court room with BM out of the room talking to her lawyer he hugged DH, cried and told him he loved him. This is a seriously F'ed up kid at this point. He doesn't know what he wants just that he better make mommy dearest happy.
It will be up to SS to reach out to DH at that point. One day he will miss his dad. One day he might deal with a woman just like his mother. One day he will realize... we hope.
So sorry
It is truly a wrenching story. I hope you win in court.
I used to feel a lot like you
I used to feel a lot like you Thinker, and when I read JustMakingtheBest's stories, I wanted her DH to drop the rope because I thought it would somehow "save her" (and him) from this crushing emotional and financial pain.
Now that DH is in a similar situation w the courts, I can see the line is sooo much fuzzier than I ever imagined. It is much harder to actually come to the conclusion that you've done all you can do, when technically, legally, there are still so many avenues to pursue. And the fact that these legal avenues are still available somehow leads you to believe the law is meant to help, even if you've been shown otherwise. Then add in your own sense of injustice and the fact that these BMs are SO CRAZY you keep thinking it's impossible for someone not to see it, and even though you have deep doubts about remaining in court, there's still an unreasonably large part of you that feels justice will prevail and you haven't done everything you can do and... and... and...
I think there has to be some trauma/addiction/reward center of the brain link, because logically, outside-looking-in you know it's rigged and you have every reason to stop. But your brain keeps wanting you to try. Don't let it go, don't let it go.
I imagine it can't be that much different than when we see SMs on here who really need to divorce their Hs, and they know it and we know it but they just aren't ready to move forward w it. Only this is worse because it's a child and you know they don't understand the decisions they are making.
Or, maybe JustMakingtheBest feels none of this and it's all me projecting. LOL.
This 100%
This 100%
Oh boy - I have been where
Oh boy - I have been where you are. My best advice is to document, document, document. It's unfortunate that you're using FaceTime, as there is no "phone record" of the attempts, but I would screen shot each FT call and then keep a log.
Medusa was the queen of having the kids hang up, say the connection was bad, even the old "what? what? I can't hear you" bullshit. She even went so far as to disconnect the phone and then couldn't understand why she was held in contempt.
I hope your judge is as awesome as ours was. Good luck.
I told DH to keep a journal
I told DH to keep a journal and he has been super diligent at doing so.
31 weeks only 8 actual facetimes that SS accepted. 2 had real conversations, the rest he was basically ignored while SS talked to friends or was pointed to the ceiling and SS was doing homework or something. It has been fun.
Wishing you and H the best
Wishing you and H the best possible outcome in all this. Something has to give, right?!? Where is the justice for your H? Where are the consequences for BM, blatantly keeping their son away from his father? I can't imagine the pain your H feels but glad he has you there to lift him up and hold him down.
He's going to need you now more than ever and I don't blame you for this being it. He's literally done ALL he can possibly do. Sometimes its best to drop the rope and let it be.
Much peace and strength to you both!
Every time you post about
Every time you post about your SS, my heart just sinks. I’ve been around for a while and out of everything I’ve read, your BM is just vile beyond description. I am literally praying that some modicum of justice comes out of court this time.