Would appreciate some help

Forums:

Long story short, I’ve been married to my husband for 8 years, our stepsons have lived with us for almost a year now after their mom just decided she didn’t want to deal with them, because we found out they were practically living with grandma. She has only seen them 32 days in the past year. Really probably only half that because they will spend at least one of her weekend days she gets them with grandma/

We had papers drawn up and we paid for them saying they would live with us, she would “pay $20 a month” in child support that we told her we would never make her pay, but the judge wouldn’t sign them because judge wants her to be responsible for something. Our attorney re wrote papers to say $50/ month because she didn’t think the judge would accept any less. Any way of course their mom won’t sign papers and threw a fit because she would have to pay through clearing house. So now, boys still live with us, but nothing is filed still. After almost a year.

SO.. here is where I need help to get this finalized. She is a nurse and I am 99% sure she will fail a drug test... can anyone who is willing to help send me a private message on here or my email [email protected]

What does the attorney

What does the attorney suggest as the next step?

Honestly, our attorney hasn’t

Honestly, our attorney hasn’t been the greatest. But she suggests to maybe order a drug test through the court , and just go ahead and file an emergency hearing, which is going to cost us another 7k

Maybe get some other opinions

Maybe get some other opinions from other attorneys if you don't trust the current one. Otherwise this is probably the best course. Sadly legal action is not cheap.

$50/month for two kids out of

$50/month for two kids out of a nurse's salary, and she's balking. What a lovely mother. Does she think she should have zero responsibility for her kids? Why doesn't DH just see what the judge orders?

This. They/she do not "have"

This. They/she do not "have" to agree; let the judge do it.

That’s our next step.. we

That’s our next step.. we were just trying to save money by agreeing. Which everything is agreed upon.. except for the support. We would be fine without it, I do think she should be responsible for it, but I’d rather just have the boys and not spend 7k on attorney. Yes she thinks she shouldn’t be responsible for anything. I’ve also been told that she doesn’t pay for her house or utilities or car, her mom does all of that and is just enabling her drinking, partying, drug use , festival lifestyle.

Oh, she is that kind of

Oh, she is that kind of "nurse".

Yes , 100%

I don't blame you for trying

I don't blame you for trying to get an agreement, Family Court will suck the life out of you (and all of your money). Can you take the $20 "agreement" to the judge and then have him/her shoot it down and force BM back to negotiating?

Why does it have to be an "emergency hearing", can't it just be a regular one? And why does it cost 7K?

It cost 1600 just to get the

It cost 1600 just to get the papers written up... and our attorney told us if we had to take it to court that is what it would cost.. I just assumed that’s normal. We would want to do an emergency hearing because as soon as she finds out we are just going to take her to court she is going to throw a fit and just tell us we have to send the boys back to live with her, and they will be back at grandmas , until it’s finalized , and who knows how long that will take. So emergency hearing would be the quickest.

I’m not sure about taking it back and having the judge force her to agree on something, I will have to ask our attorney. Like I said, attorney hasn’t been the greatest .

The boys have improved tremendously since being with us full time and only seeing her here and there. She’s forfeited so many weekends and the entire summer.. missed 95% of their games but drives hours to concerts. They were both on ADHD meds when they moved here and one was on Zoloft, because he had these crazy meltdowns. Now only the one that really needs the adhd meds is on a lower dose and also completely off his Zoloft and is seriously the best kid ever. The other boy isn’t on any meds at all and doing great, all A’s, no problems other than his talking back which is taking some time! Their grandma would call us crying saying they just couldn’t handle them they are out of control, because they were being raised by grandma and neglected by mom. It’s just insane, the things she does. I could go on for days but I’ll save y’all the time!

Why do you think she has the

Why do you think she has the last word about the boys? Your dh is their father and has as much rights to keep his sons as she does. So if she decides that he has to give thel back to her he would be perfectly within his rights to refuse. As there is no court order (I may be wrong), they both have equal rights ...

There was a previous order

There was a previous order that stated we had joint custody until they started school, and then after that it would go back to her having primary custody with us having standard visitation. It had been that way for 4 years.. in those years she did a pretty good job for a while hiding the fact she never had them, lying about where they were, not letting us talk to them most night, until the last year and a half or so when we started talking to grandma when grandma couldn’t handle it anymore. That is the last one that has been filed, so if she wanted them back, we would have to go by the last filed order and give them back, until this one is finalized

DRAT!

It is appalling that courts cannot resolve this quicker.

This is a relatively simple CS issue. The mother works as a nurse, her income should be veriable (unless she works off the books as a private duty nurse, but even then the court can and should impute whatever a nurse can earn in that area).

They are trying to avoid

They are trying to avoid spending a fortune in court. Court doesn't just work quickly and simply, they take time and drain your finances. They can hold multiple hearings and even a trial if BM fights it.

If you have had the kids for

If you have had the kids for a year then she abandoned them. Go with that. She has abandoned them and does not have to sign anything for DH to drive a court decision that gives him legal custody and establishes a CS order.

Many people take no action when action is what is in order IMHO.

Take action.

I agree we should take action

I agree we should take action. But she has seen them, mind you only 32 days in a year, but she has seen them, so would that be considered abandonment?

No, it would not be

No, it would not be considered abandonment. And like you said, if she fights it, she can drag it out forever and take the boys back into her custody in the meanwhile. It could go on for years if she wants it to, and cost you a fortune - not to mention the damage to the kids.

People on here can be quick to recommend court, personally - my DH's experience in court was awful and I suggest people avoid it whenever they can.

Nope, not abandonment.

If she has seen the kids periodically then she has not abandoned them. Courts get all welled up over mamas and their babies and pretty much need to be pummelled about the head and shoulders to gain clarity that dads are important too. But, when the blended family oppostion is toxic and continually feeds factual fodder to beat the snot out of them with in court, it is a blessing.

Use those facts agressively. It can work.

And please share how you

And please share how you successfully convinced the court that a father was important? I thought your experience was exactly the opposite, you successfully convinced a court that the father was NOT important.

We most definately convinced the court that a father is

important. A father who is not a serially out of wedlock breeding, dope smoking, gang banger wannabe, CS dodging, mile long arrest record POS. Not that the facts make much difference to you when the topic of my blended family arises.

Fire your attorney, get a new one and since she's not being a

responsible parent, I would petition the courts for full custody, having her relinquish her parental rights. This should be a cake walk, given her drug abuse issue, and the fact she never wants visitation even when it has been granted to her.

Also, if she's abusing illegal or prescription drugs, report her to the nurses board in your state. Her license may be suspended or revoked. I do not know where you are, but there will be some type of penalty.

Or, use her drug use as a

Or, use her drug use as a bargaining chip. I'm sure she doesn't want to take a chance of testing dirty in regular court-ordered drug screenings.

I also agree that you need to find a better attorney. Family Court tends to wear them down, so find one that is experienced but still vicious.

Second opinion

I would definitely get a second legal opinion. This ride is going to be a tough one. In california, where we are, the mother can be abusive, drug taker, immoral as heck, but they still favor her.

In the meantime, and Im sure you already do - document as much as you can. EVERYTHING. There are court approved apps, and they track all communication between parents and judges will see her crazy all nicely printed out.

pay her out

I do not know if it is possible, but if the money is the only reason she does not want to sign, and you and your husband do not care about receiving that money just give pay her upfront the money she will need to to pay her shild support, that is you give her 12 checks for 50 dollars (postdated) and everymonth she can deposit your check in her account and give you a check for 50 in exchange for her signing the agreement. Worst case scenario she does not pay and you loose $600 but get the paper signed.

You are here

Would appreciate some help