OT I love my DS18 but

He definitely has not matured or "grown out of" his ADHD and ODD. Basically he still finds trying to wind people up quite amusing. I've been telling him since I can remember that rude things aren't funny. He will "joke" that he's the best or he's above everyone or I'm this or that. Nothing nice. Then when you tell him to tone it down, he says he's just kidding.

He is still the king of trying to invoke a reaction out of you. Then, when you've had enough, and tell him to cut the ish and behave, he's all the wounded innocent victim.

Cheese and facking rice when will this end. He'll be 19 in November and he's basically just, well, an a-hole. It's not from a lack of parenting, counseling, therapy and calling him out. He just refuses to work on himself. Like so many SO's, BM's and skids we complain about on here. It is so frustrating!

So, I love my DS, but I sure don't like who he is right now. That's awful, isn't it? I wish it was different.

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IMO, kids today are 3 years

IMO, kids today are 3 years younger than their chronological age, in general (not all of them - but most of them, even from good families). I think they have been more sheltered from life than we were back then, again, even in good families. They don't want to drive, they are afraid of "adulting", and they seem much younger than we did at those ages.

So think of him as only 15. My SS is 19, and he seems 16 to me. Afraid to get his license, not sure what to do with his life, emotionally immature, dependent on his mother and not the slightest bit interested in real independence.

I very much agree with this.

I bet our grandparents thought/think the same. Imagine what our great-grandparents would think of children today?

In a devils advocate sort of way... maybe given life expectancy has gone up (for the most part) and general societal changes (married at 16 and starting a farm family life isn't the norm anymore), perhaps the idea of "out at 18 to start life on their own" needs to be adjusted?

"Life as we know it" has drastically changed and so has our knowledge of when the human brain matures.

I am in NO way excusing rediculous a-hole behavior or obvious immaturity due to coddling or laziness...but some of the differences we all see may be a shift in how society as a whole has changed?

Yes, I agree. People used to

Yes, I agree. People used to get married and go to work at 15-18, and now we consider adolescence to go on much longer, well into their 20s. Some of it is life expectancy, but a lot of it is that we are more comfortable financially and economically and can support "children" longer.

It's not all good, though, IMO - kids are not being taught life skills in a natural way like many of us were - they don't play unsupervised as young children, they don't hang out with friends as adolescents, they often don't have jobs because parents want them to "focus on school", they are stressed out about grades and college and don't have the coping skills to handle it. Social media is a huge stressor for girls and video games have replaced real life for boys.

Anyway, yes - every generation feels the next one is worse, lol.

I mean, I am not excusing

I mean, I am not excusing poor parenting, laziness or general a-hole behavior.

But I think even young adults that were NOT allowed free acess to social media/video games all the time, no responsibility (like chores and work as teens) - they still seem less mature.

Maybe it's because of having social contact with those who were allowed those things? Idk.

My older son was not allowed all of the "free for all nonsense" and largely was raised "as I was". He is doing well, going to college (that HE pays for) works full-time (with his own benefits and has a decent 401k started) and generally manages his own life. But he still seems less mature than I was at his age?

I DO believe social media has played a big part. Even in those that do not have "free acess" to it.

At least you aren't burrying

At least you aren't burrying your head in the sand and downplaying this flaw of his. He will be better off for that. If you are still financially supporting him, I would start charging him a-h9le fees.

HAHAHAHAHA charge him a-hole

HAHAHAHAHA charge him a-hole fees. To be fair, he has calmed it A LOT since I had words with him yesterday morning.

I have a friend who is from

I have a friend who is from another country. And her son started acting in her words "too much like these American kids" (disrespectful, lazy, refused to work or go to school) and she finally had enough. She sent him to the country side of her home country for 3 months. He only had the basics, food,water, shelter. No reliable internet or electricity. He had to help on the farm in order to eat. And let me tell you when he came back he was a totally different person. He got 2 jobs, enrolled in the local community college, made the dean's list, and helps out at home, and is more respectful to everyone. My friend in a cosmetologist and when she tells her customers that story they all ask if they can send their kids to her family. I wish we had some place like that here where our kids could have different experiences that would allow for them to be grateful what they have and to develop empathy.

She also said that in her country behavioral problems are very very rare. Which I have to agree I have traveled a lot outside of the US, Central America, Mexico, the Caribbean, Africa and the kids there DO NOT act like the kids here.

Thanks everyone. I wish I

Thanks everyone. I wish I could send him to a country home and make him work for the basics. He is a good person at heart but otherwise a struggling mess.

I suppose that 18 is no longer the grown up age. That does make sense. I'm not really sure what to do but thanks everyone for your support and advice.

Is the military an option for

Is the military an option for him?

No but I did check. He

No but I did check. He scored so high on his SATs and grades that the Coast Guard wanted him. However you cannot be treated for depression or have asthma. He has both.

That is true....

I wish there was another option that offered structure and discipline for these semi-adults that cant join. Even if it ended in a trade school certification, but was closer what joining the military is like and be under contract so they cant just quit over a bad day....

I think you're on to

I think you're on to something...wanna make bank and start an "adulting bootcamp" with me?

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