How to Handle Lack of SD Introducing Me?
It seems as every time we have a party involving my step daughter she excludes me from introducing me. This Saturday, she will be having her baby shower and my DH and I will be meeting her boyfriend's family for the first time. Her desire is to make me feel unwanted and to make people believe we are distant, even though she is always around asking as for help. Anyhow, I have no desire for going to the Baby Shower but will put my desires aside to accompany my DH. He isn't too happy with her decisions in life but wants to be in her life. How do you think I should handle this uncomfortable, unfair situation? Thank you!
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I do agree with
I do agree with sanfransicobaby. People do need to learn what happens when you exit. Please consider the following though a) just have a final mental check that SD isn’t shy and that introducing people in general could be like pulling teeth to some people. b) if you do not send a gift to a baby you could be storing up years of trouble for yourself that may be near impossible to come back from. Maybe don’t show up, and do send a gift just this once? Don’t let her be rude to you and then be her go to babysitter though. Is it the life altering ‘first baby’ where everything grinds to a halt etc?
Thank you for your reply! SD
Thank you for your reply! SD already has one. So it was really hard to skip the first baby shower where she excluded from thanking me at my own house and couldn't remember how to say my name! I didn't bring it up to my husband because it was the first grandchild. This time around he's not too happy with her either because she was suppose to finish school and got pregnant again.
I understand the not wanting
I understand the not wanting to go. I've had that feeling. I didn't want to go to SD's single shower, but I did. I pasted a smile on my face, wrapped my gift, and went. It was a very awkward afternoon, but I survived. I wouldn't give the ex's family a reason to badmouth me for not showing up.
My advice would be to go. You have the advantage of it being couples. You will have DH there with you for support. Smile, introduce yourself, out polite SD. You'll get the other grandparents to see you and not just hear about you from SD.
DH is attending this. If SD doesn't introduce you, it's his responsibility to step up and do so. He needs to interject 'and this is my wife'.
Thank you for your reply! My
Thank you for your reply! My DH will be attending and he always steps up. That I know she already had an altercation with one of the sisters she hasn't even met over the Baby Shower. I have an advantage, I speak the same Lang.as the boyfriend's fam and she doesn't.
I totally understand not
I totally understand not wanting to go!!
This is a totally different situation BUT- My DH is terrible with introducing me at events. Since he is military we are at a lot of them. I got mad one day and made a shitty comment about "what are you embarrassed by me or something???" - he was like no, I can't remember their names so I skip that part (Men...LOL). So now, when we get into a crowd, I just throw myself and my hand out and start introducing myself.
Maybe you can do that. Don't give her a chance to snub you. Walk in the door, hand out to shake "Hi, I'm Smelltheroses, PITA SD's Stepmother, and this is my husband ____. Lovely to meet you!" - Continue with everyone on the room with a big old smile and just don't allow her to shut you out.
I'm really surprised that
I'm really surprised that people don't just do the obvious which is to introduce themselves. I am also not great with names sometimes.. and I appreciate it when someone I am with introduces themselves.
Re the baby shower... I have a good relationship with my OSD... but didn't go to hers. I sent a gift but had no interest in spending time with her mother. My DH didn't go either. Baby showers around here are still pretty "women only" events. Sometims the gender reveals are coed.
Thank you for your reply! Yes
Thank you for your reply! Yes I've done that in the past and it helps! SD hates it because people get to see that I am not an evil person. I'm a grown very confident person and love meeting new people.
I was thinking along the same
I was thinking along the same lines as justmakingthebest, just introduce yourself and take that power away from your SD.
I would not want to go, either, but probably would for my husband. But, emotionally, it would be like attending an office party or something. I would mingle and such but my heart would not really be in it for SD.
And her always asking for help? I would put an end to giving her any. If she is going to treat you like that in front of others, I wouldn't have anything to do with her any other time.
Thank you for your reply! I
Thank you for your reply! I love the comparison you made to an office party and not putting my heart in it. I have not offered to help with the new babies (twins).
Just walk in with dH
And say, Hi, I am Jane Smelltheroses (if you do not use DH's last name, say, I am Dick Tulips wife), nice to meet you.
Love it thank you!
Love it thank you!
I would introduce myself and
I would introduce myself and call out SD while doing so...
"Since SD didn't introduce us, I am her father's Wife, xxx. "
Then you risk everyone thinking you are a jerk
1. For putting her down at a party for her.
2. For making an issue at first meeting.
3. And why could DH not introduce you?
Yes exactly what I would want
Yes exactly what I would want to say thank you! But that's what she would want me to do so negative attention can go to me. My DH will defend her like in the past. DH has his own issues with her so that's why I keep silent because he will bring up his own issues with her. The sad part is I cannot share my I'll feelings towards my SD with him.
People really don't introduce
People really don't introduce others anymore. I wouldn't take it as a personal insult unless she is introducing everyone but you.
She introduces her dad but
She introduces her dad but fails to introduce me. I was standing not too far from them at her son's 2 year old party. Other times she has done it right in front of my husband when she was in high school. That is when I told my DH I didn't want a relationship with her. However, I let her come into the picture again.
Go Forth into the battle with head held high
and sword and sheild at ready.
Oh, this isnt Game of Thrones? It sure feels like it sometimes!
Id say get comfortable introducing yourself. Be the awesome person you are. Be fearless!
She is always asking for help yet ignores you? Well, maybe time for a convo?
Thank you for the reply and
Thank you for the reply and laugh! That's exactly what I'll do! So ready to get it over with and conquer!!