No, I can't say this is a problem I've ever had, although I know it is fairly common in step situations. I told DH after I'd been seeing him for a short while, that he better never leave me alone with his kids who were then 5 and 7, because his ExW was apt to make up lies about abuse etc.  So I have never been alone with them even for 10 minutes. 

but spending time like outings/holidays or “quality family time” with skids who ignore you, are rude/disrespectful and tell their dad you’re a stranger which is why even 4+ years after marriage and 2 kids with your husband when you are referred to as a stranger by your 21 yr old ss as justification why he is living at home ignoring you and your kids (his half siblings ), its all that.

when you finally tell your husband you’re done and its friggin pathetic and unacceptable he even consider expecting or demanding you all spend time together when you’ve been made to feel not wanted yet you’re expected to shut up... hell no... 

you likely have a husband in denial, denial about his kids unacceptable behaviour, denial of reasonable expectations 

Nope. My DH asked sparingly and was grateful every time I agreed to watch his son. Otherwise, I wouldn't have hung around.

Why are you putting up with this?

My husband was not so selfish that he thought it was my job to watch his kid. I did watch her once, when he had to work for a few hours, but he did not expect me to do it on a regular basis and he appreciated it when I did do it.

I thought you and your wife separated?

I never fully committed to watching skid to begin with, so, no, not really. 

Like others here, I have in the past experienced negative reactions from other people, like DH’s parents, BM’s family, and friends with their heads in the clouds, because they’ve never experienced step life, so they have no clue what they’re talking about when they attempt passive-aggressive judgement.

BM’s brothers used to ask DH “So, when is momjeans going to start watching skid?” And DH’s parents just assumed I wanted to play all-fun-all-the time bonus mommy to skid. Yeah, no.

Edited to add: From the beginning, BM tried to lay down ground rules in regards to what I could and couldn’t do. One of those things was be alone with skid without DH around. I happily abided by that ‘rule’ and ran with it in a very COOL - THANKS way. BM made it very easy for me, actually, because then I was like, “Nope. Can’t.”

Watch DHs kids so he could go to a social event (unless by that you include him running over to his elderly mom having a panic attack).  

As to work, yes, I would help.  As to errands, I would tell him he has to plan better.  Unless he has his kids 100% of the time, he should plan better. 

When I first moved in with dH both he and BM felt since I worked from home that I could be the built in nanny.  Big mistake considering I had already said prior to moving in that was not the game plan.  DH and BM would make arrangement for me to watch the spawn without even discussing it with me.  When I made it known that wasn’t allowed, they would then make plans behind my back and then bring it up when I was around like it was the first time discussing it was with me.  Again, busted DH on that one.  It ended up with BM having the SSs her on the bus to come to my house after school everyday (without asking me).   It wouldn’t have been that big of a deal if they were feral children and could stop fighting, screaming, making huge messes and then leaving it all for me to clean up as they ran out the door for BM to pick up.  And in short order the pick ups became later and later without a call or heads up.  I finally snapped and said no more.  It cause WW3 in our house.  BM told the SSs I hated them, DH was too busy trying to play both sides and got blasted on both ends.  Then came the “emergency” requests from DH.  Funny enough it was always the same day and time these emergencies would come up where BM would

have to drop the spawn off early (always on DHs time but hours before he got home from work).  I learned real quick to stop answering the phone and would leave or say I had plans so they couldn’t get dropped off early.  

That was a long time ago and now DH understands I only do what I want in regard to his kids.  He doesn’t pressure me and BM has learned to proceed as if I don’t exist when it comes to schedules or needing someone to watch YSS.   

Since YSS is the best if the three I don’t mined

doing things for him.  But only when I want to. 

It was hell for a few years having to fight not only BM but DH.  I stood my ground and it paid off.  

I thought you were separating from this woman?  I hope for your sake you eventually get to the point where you're genuinely done with her crap.  You've been unhappy for quite a while.

Oh my! I too received a negative reaction like yourself when I stated I would no longer be around to play daycare center. Your wife is mad? Tough cookies!!! My boyfriend got the hint when I refused to back down. He was even giving me a little bit of money( per my request) to show his apprectiation, but honestly it wasn't enough. I don't watch kids that aren't mine unless I'm paid the rate of a nanny or babysitter. Just stick to your guns.

I didn't mind watching SD sometimes in the beginning but of course I became taken advantage of and it got to the point it was expected and not appreciated. I disengaged and now DH has to either be here when SD is here or he has to make other arrangements. Me watching her (unless I specifically volunteer and say I will keep her) is not an option. I don't care how anyone feels about it. I have picked her up on occasion and taken her and my BD out somewhere or brought them back to our house to play together, but I never feel obligated to do so.