The farce is strong with this one

There is a household rule that there are no electronics, other than phones, in any bedroom. The kids can use the electronics in the common areas or borrow a laptop and use it in their rooms temporarily (like an hour or two at a time) to do homework. Gaming is to be done in common areas.

That is the rule as set by DH, but it's not a rule if you are DH and the perps are the skids. I have asked, you know, since it went against the rule and my own kid was held to the rule. I just got a non-commital answer.

YSS has had a tablet in his room for over a year because the school rented them out and BM purchased it at the end of the cycle...but it never went to BMs.

OSS kept the temporary-use laptop in his room for two months. Yup, two months before I got tired of DH ignoring and just took it back from OSSs room while he was not there. Shoulda taken it sooner but I was holding out false hope that DH would do something.

YSS was sneakier. Had a keyboard in his room. I asked why and DHs excuse/reason was that he preferred a keyboard to the laptop keyboard. Then there was a monitor. Oh, that was because he needed two screens to do his homework when he borrowed the laptop. Now there is a homemade desktop computer sitting on his desk. He asked about making a housing out of wood a few weeks ago but never mentioned that it was for this house.

I only noticed it for the first time last night because the door to his room was open, I wanted to shut it, but I did a sweep of the room for cats before I closed the door.

I asked DH about it AND whether the rules only in place for DS since those same rules just go away as soon as a skid doesn't follow them. Squirming and a statement that he will talk to YSS. Not gonna hold my breath.

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I wouldn't ask your H about

I wouldn't ask your H about the rules "applying" only to DS anymore I'd take the lead and make it "apply" to EVERY child under that roof plain and simple. Don't leave him options or even comment about this....its ridiculous that you even have to bring this up. Why does his kids get free reign and yours don't? Not on my my watch!

It's my way

of pointing out the double standard and trying to get some acknowledgement from DH either that he has to do something or that DS should not be held to it if the skids are not.

I make it apply to every child then I'm "being mean" and "don't like his kids" and he "will be the one to parent them." And there's always a "my kid may have broken a rule BUT they did X" (where X is a totally unrelated thing and somehow X gets them out of trouble).

I ask about rules and who they apply to and how to decide when they apply and ask DH to explain it because there will be too many holes or inconsistencies and he has to end up saying it's not a rule or it is and he has to enforce it.

I make it apply to every

I make it apply to every child then I'm "being mean" and "don't like his kids"

He's gaslighting you with these statements. What you're asking him is not a trick question but he's making it so. You already know the answer. What applies to his kids don't apply to yours. You continuing to point the obvious out isn't helping your case.

There shouldn't be any inconsistency. They are there because he has no logical answer to support what he's saying.

Do you want these same rules

Do you want these same rules for your DS? If not, I'd relax them, since DH isn't applying them to his kids. Though I assume you DO want them for your DS, or you wouldn't have agreed to them.

Must suck for your DS to be held to a different standard.

DS and I have had talks here and there

Over the last couple years about the double standard. He sees it. He used to be upset about it but seems to have come to accept it as just the way it is. And, yes, I hold him to them because we made the rule and I don't just ignore it, I proactively tell him if the rule changes or is rescinded. DS needs something like a chrome book for college. That may be coming sooner than later if the electronics rule is out the window.

As an example of agreeing to a rule: DH said about a year and a half ago that the kids should all be doing their own laundry. I agreed and had DS start doing his own laundry (I was not doing DHs or the skids after the brown streak incident). Two or three months ago DH mentioned it again, that the skids should do their own laundry and so should DS so he learns before college. I informed him DS had been already doing his own laundry for over a year. DH was surprised yet it didn't register when he complained when DS left clothes in the dryer (that took longer than I liked to cure...kid would even go to the dryer and just pull out what he needed but not everthing, ugh!).

Whenever hubby is trying to gaslight you

Because he doesn’t want to discipline his kids and be the baddie or meanie and deal with the excuses and hissy fits, there are no buts you tell hubby he has 60seconds to ensure all electronics are out of their room and he tells the kids they must follow the house rules. Remind hubby he is never to say because stepmum said so... no he says you must do this because its house rules and i told you to. When skids ask why they never been asked before until now etc, hubby says i told you its a house rule and remove it immediately!!. He checks again say 30-60 mins later and if its in their rooms, its confiscated and locked up until they earn the right for it back.

If they claim i need it for school assignments etc, they can use a library pc, hubby needs to show he means it so never again will they ignore him

I set electronics rules for

I set electronics rules for my kids, because heavy use of screens is linked to depression, sleep cycle disturbances, obesity, and social problems. My kids aren’t allowed to have them in their room. However, DH is not only a lazy parent, but he also grew up with a TV in his room. So SD has all sorts of entertainment in her room... and now she’s 15 and has bouts of depression, no friends, and is fast on her way to becoming obese. I’m a lazy stepparent determined not to outwork my DH, and those devices keep SD entertained and out of my hair.

The rare times my kids ask about the unfairness (and we have plenty of it in our home.. SD has no chores, and doesn’t have to eat her veggies either), I simply tell them I am not her mother, ask DH about it... which they do and all they get is this deer in the headlights look of embarrassment from him.

I also actively try to point out that this is the reason they’re healthier and they’re not sad and angry all the time, because they’re active, they get enough sleep, eat their veggies, and keep their areas clean. Hopefully, they’ll pass those lessons on to their own kids.

Anyway, don’t drag your own kids down and abandon rules because your DH decides to be a lazy parent.

I may have trouble following this,

But I think it is appropriate to have different rules for different age kids.

I agree, but

they are close in age (DS 18, OSS 18, YSS 16).

They are all too old for your rules

You need to let go

I don't have this technology,

I don't have this technology, but I heard on the radio this morning that you can get a router for your home that has a set password for each user and the parent can set time limits and see who is logged in at all times. You could be the gatekeeper of a device like that.

I had this when they were younger

I'd ask for a meeting, agree

I'd ask for a meeting, agree on household rules and post them on the refrigerator so there is "no more confusion." Then each and everytime the rule is broken is point it out to DH.

Always be sweet, never blame the skids. Surely if the broke the rule they must have DH's permission. They would never ignore his authority.

"I'm sorry darlin, I'm confused, I thought we agreed to ..."

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The farce is strong with this one

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