In my last post I shared about the ILs going to FL where the SILs were very fast and loose with the COVID guidelines, the ILs didn't tell us after discussions about how we were handling things and coming to visit them since I have a master's ceremony in the area.

The ILs are back now and I have asked DH if he's going to talk to them. He said he wanted to wait until they are back to talk to them so as not to involve the SILs and start a bigger feud. I agree. He said something about being mad at his sisters for pushing his parents into visiting, with other words and phrases that implied it was not his parents fault or decision. I disagreed. I said that while they didn't have to stay put just because we were coming, they should have had the stones to tell us they were going since they know how careful we have been and need to be. I asked why he was mad at his sisters (who I agree have pressured his parents) but not his parents, not even for giving us a heads-up. He said he didn't want to be mad at his 80yo parents. What? So it's okay to take out his anger at other people because he doesn't want to be mad at them?

[flip the light switch]

DH did this to me for almost 10 years (skids are nearly out of the house). He didn't "want to" be mad at his own kids so he took out his anger on me. I thought that yet he also made me feel like I was being over-the-top, too emotional, too strict, --basically pick anything that lets him be mad at me and not his own kids. 

And, yes, I said all this to him. That it's not okay to be mad at a third-party just to relieve yourself of your anger toward the perpetrator. I  mentioned what he was doing with his parents and sisters and how he did exactly the same thing with me.

He tried to divert by saying what about my father, would we see him, how am I not mad at my dad (for some shitty comments and behavior). Nice try. I am mad at my dad, I'm not making excuses for him, and I'm not taking out my frustration with my dad on anyone else. Please, DH, tell me who else I've taken it out on and that I've not kept my boundaries. No surprise he had to back down. I asked why he even went there, he tries to move his madness to me and others again and makes up stuff that isn't happening. 

Where the hell did he learn how [not] to handle his emotions? It's just so back-asswards.