I don’t get BM
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SO has two daughters, ages 11 and 8. SO has the girls 50/50. SD age 11 has softball, SO is a coach on the team. I do go to the games. SD8 last evening wanted to sit with her mom. I felt like she should be sitting with her mother as SO was occupied with coaching. Here is where it gets weird, every time SD8 needed to use the bathroom or wanted something at the concession stand, she came over to me to take her. It was our day with the kids and she felt that it was our responsibility to then take care of her. Did I miss something? I mean she is the actual mother and it’s not unreasonable to think that the actual mother could take her child to the bathroom. I didn’t mind doing it, it just struck me as incredibly weird.
Honestly, I have no idea
I didn’t mind taking her to the bathroom or concession stand. I just felt it was super weird as S.D. was sitting on her lap on the bleachers, I was standing closer to the dug out and S.D. had to get off her mother’s lap and walk to me to ask me to take her. I was thinking in my mind why the heck couldn’t mom take her, she was right there. This woman is really controlling and a PITA, it really made no sense to me.
The BM I deal with should win
The BM I deal with should win the award for parental alienation. She freaked out one time at a soccer game because ss came to my DH on her custodial day and drank some of his water. She argues that on her custodial days, she needs to take care of ss at sporting events and on dh’s days, he needs to. This is stupid and just another example of BM trying to control everything. Maybe the BM you deal with has this same mentality. Who knows?
maybe she didn't want to miss
maybe she didn't want to miss her sister playing? maybe the girl just did it on her own.
She might have felt a loyalty
She might have felt a loyalty bind - that you and SO would be mad if BM took care of her on “your” days. If BM tends to get mad that way, she’d generalize it to all of you.
Yup. BM has even dropped ss
Yup. BM has even dropped ss off with me after she picked him up from school sick because it was DH’s day. Um, if it was my kid, I would definitely keep him and take care of him. So strange
Um... nope. "You were
Um... nope. "You were sitting with your mother. I am watching the game. Your mom can take you."
End of discussion.
I don't find it "weird" at
I don't find it "weird" at all.
It's not BM's day. BM is there to watch her 11yr old . Dad brought the 8yr old knowing he was busy coaching.
Who was going to take to kid pee if BM had been busy and not able to attend? Who was going to take SD over to concession stand and pay for snacks? Oh, right , either a busy Dad or the person he brought with him on his day to be with kids (aka you).
Just because BM was indeed present (to view the older daughter's game) on Dad's day to have the kids, doesn't mean it becomes BM's duty to take kid pee and treat her to concessions. It's not your 'job' to take the kid either, but if dad is too busy to he could always leave the younger girl home with a sitter.
Dad being busy doesn't make it suddenly BM's responsibility on Dad's time. BM made a quiet statement to her opposite parent. "Hey, Mister, it's all on you today". Sure, she's being an ass, but what's Dad gonna do about it? Demand it suddenly turn into BM's time and day?
Whether you end up taking the girl for her wants/needs is up to you and between you and your Dh.
I hope Dh thanked you for your effort as well as the kid thanking you.
I'm sorry but I think you're
I'm sorry but I think you're wrong. If Dad is busy then yes the responsiblity should absolutely fall on BM as she is the PARENT. OP is not the parent.
Why would BM relegate duties to OP like she's the babysitter?
Oh, so your belief is BM must
Oh, so your belief is BM must attend al activities of the children on Dad's time just in case she is needed to take control of kids on her ex's time?
Did you read what I actually wrote? I didn't state SM had to do a thing.... but BM didn't have to even be there. BM could have been sipping wine and eating oysters at some air conditioned oyster bar. Who would take the kid then?
If no one but BM can take caare of the kid because Daddy is busy and SM is not responsible, leave second kid at home.
But BM WAS there. So your
But BM WAS there. So your point is moot.
In situations like these, I
In situations like these, I always stop to think what would I do if I was the BM. The answer is I would parent my own kid because it is my sole responsibility.
This is the most bizarre
This is the most bizarre messed up mentality and thinking process from you yet lol. WTH? She's STILL a PARENT on dads 'time'. Who's time doesn't mean anything. Be a parent, do your JOB. If that means you take a couple mins to take your kid to a bathroom so be it. Obviously she could take HER time off to go see her kid on DAD's time so what difference is taking the other kid to bathroom or concession? My god this place shocks me sometimes.
Maybe the BM was unsure of
Maybe the BM was unsure of how to handle this. Lasy year, my exH and his then gf attended our son's soccer game with my DD7. She came over to me and sat down next to my SD12. After a few minutes, she asked me to take her to the bathroom, which I did. Afterwards I got bombarded with texts from exH and his gf about how I overstepped.
This year if one of the kids needs something during exH's time, I send them to find exH or their now SM. It isn't always so clear how to handle these situations.
They said that you
They said that you overstepped by taking your own daughter to the bathroom? Oh, please!
That’s disgusting. You are
That’s disgusting. You are their mom!
Seriously? Your ex & his wife
Seriously? Your ex & his wife need to get a grip. That’s beyond pathetic. I wouldn’t think twice if BM was at an event on our day & took one of the boys to the bathroom or concession stand.
Yeah I truly don't get this.
Yeah I truly don't get this. It is absolutely BM's responsibility to take care of her own daughter.
My husband's ex-wife has regularly left her other child (not my SD nor DH's kid) with us at an event while BM piddles around getting snacks and such. It's been tempting to walk away more than once. Not my child, not my responsibility
I wouldn’t personally do that
I wouldn’t personally do that.... but BM was passively aggressively saying “I’m not paying on your day”, and “I’m not parenting on your day”. She lumps you and DH into one category.... which actually isn’t horrible because some BMs go the total opposite way which is much worse. The BM might have even been wondering why she was sitting with her (my guess).
I didn’t mind taking her
BM is very HIGH CONFLICT. From day one she has expressed negatively towards me doing anything with the children, going on vacations with SO and the girls, nights that I have offered to watch the girls as SO needed to be out of town, any and everything to do with me has resulted in her being a total ass. It struck me as odd because she has been such a PETA and magically now it’s ok for me to do anything for her girls at all. But I’m sorry, if my child was sitting with me, (I have 3 children who are adults but were young when I had gotten divorced) my day or not and needed to go to the bathroom or had a need for food or drinks, as a parent I would not be passing the buck to another person. I do believe it was some sort of passive aggressive attempt towards SO because that is how she operates when she is not being an anger driven psycho.
She was being passive
She was being passive aggressive. Next time just keep the kid right with you if she sends her back.
Well it's not your
Well it's not your responsibility to do anything for the kids. As a mother, I would never tell my daughter to go ask her SM to take her to the bathroom when I am sitting right there and can do it myself. Maybe she is just thinking it's not her day, not her problem? She sounds like a piece of work. You have every right to say no (for whatever reason or no reason) though - it's dad's day, but it is not your day - you aren't the parent. Don't feel like you have to do these things if you don't want to.
That is extremely strange
and highly passive aggressive. The ignoramus BM should take her own child to the toilet especially as she was sitting with her. That is a joke!
Another game tonight
this time it BMs day. And again, she sends her over to me to take her to the bathroom and to take her to the concession stand. Apparently I am the official game day babysitter.
Ha, that is interesting.
Ha, that is interesting. Guess she is just being lazy.... get her to stay with you after the bathroom or concession.
Did you ask SD why her mom
Did you ask SD why her mom couldn’t take her?
NOPE you send her right back
NOPE you send her right back to mom- and tell her she's your mommy-moms are the ones that help you with these things when she is here. Nip hiothis nonsense in the bud now- whether on dad's time OR her time. Not your kid-if she can BE there at a game on dad's time, she can BE there for her dd8- her time? she goes...she's turning you into her nanny/caretaker so she can feel superior. I don't care how it seems odd the 1st couple of times to send her BACK to bm- if you don't she will forever be doing this to you. If it's on dads time? give her the cash for the snack and send her right back to mom. Also, on dads time take her to the bathroom when you arrive and teach her to hold it.