We were getting along better and then I had to ruin it
The title is almost a direct quote from DH this weekend. Why? Because I didn't fart glitter and poop rainbows continually for the skids.
We were getting along because for the past couple weeks I have been diligent about responding in a positive-non-commital manner.
My mistake was that, yes, I thought we were getting along and thought I could say something that was not 100% positive about a skid. That was taken badly, and taken much further than I meant it.
Like the situations you all know where you say "Kid didn't do X" and DH hears "I hate your child, they suck at everything, you are a terrible parent, and think you all are the worst people I've ever met." And you stand there covered in emotional shrapnel from your DH wondering what the hell just happened.
So to get along I have to stay mute about half of our life and say exactly the right things when I do talk?
- ITB2012's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I had to bite my tongue
for ages. Chef was super defensive. Thank goodness for this site!!!
I need to learn to bite my
I need to learn to bite my tongue! I suck at it. Just Sat night I ended up telling my SO that him giving in to skids after he has already told them no multiple times is unattractive and makes my hoo-hoo close for business. Believe it or not, that didnt go over very well...
Excellent
That has happened to me but I haven’t said it out loud. It may be a new level I need to achieve.
IMO, this is better than just
IMO, this is better than just putting up with it for years and years and years and years. I don't get how some of the people on this board ever want to touch their DHs.
But that isn’t healthy
or normal. People have opinions. In a First Family the parents would have opinions. Can’t each bio parent have a differing opinion on their kid
Never compare
first family and Step families. Stepdom is not normal and the devil's hemorrhoid
So true. When I said that if
So true. When I said that if I were skids mom and had this same opinion (about my SO giving in to skids), it wouldn't be the huge issue it became. But in stepdom, you are supposed to keep quiet. I pointed that out, but he was too busy defending his behavior to really listen.
Sorry IBT. You can only
Sorry IBT. You can only ignore the big farting elephant in the room for so long.
I totally understand.
Did skid ever go to school or
Did skid ever go to school or daycare and get negative feedback? DH backed off some when he started getting the same feedback from teachers as from me (and yes, I told him I told you so) but I still deal with this crap from time to time (like in my last blog) Ok, no one ENJOYS hearing less than positive things about their kids but since they happen to be humans and not the little angels sent from above we are supposed to pretend they are it's going to happen.
One teacher even
cornered me as the new “person who could maybe help” and gave me an earful. Another teacher suggested to BM and DH that they look into new meds for one of them.
My DH's son was recognized to
My DH's son was recognized to be a total ahole long before I met DH. DH had to evict him (with police escort years before I met DH). My DH so wants to believe that SS has now matured and is okay - but I do not have to accept him thank goodness.
My DH would love to believe that SS and his GF are now law abiding, employed individuals that want to do right.
I don’t sugarcoat anything regarding skids or how hubby handles
things. When they’re rude, disrespectful, abusive and absolutely pathetic and a ridiculous joke, thats what i tell hubby because its the truth and he needs to hear it.
In the beginning hubby would say how upset and hurt he was but he also admitted i was right. It was embarassed for him to accept he’s a part of that mess and their problems and issues.
I’ve even asked him sarcastically “how could he even be stupid enough to impregnate exwife 3 times with all the hcgubm, pas and narcissistic shit of hers? Hubbys response was a “god only knows”.... hmmm
the only way issues get sorted and addressed by hubby is when i refer to hubby and skids sarcastically with the ridiculous shit they do and treat others, then hubby finally mans up and steps up because its tarnishing his image and that manly machoness...
Next time he starts in your
Next time he starts in your DS, accuse him of hating your son and thinking you're a terrible parent. Maybe that will wake him up.
DH and I laugh at all the kids' annoying habits. He gets more annoyed with mine, and I with his, but at least he doesn't think his kids crap rainbows.
Oh, I've "parented" DS the way DH "parents" the skids
And DH didn't like it one bit. He came to me complaining about something about DS a few years ago and I replied to him exactly the way he replies to me when I say something about the skids. He was getting more and more frustrated because I wouldn't stay on topic, I kept defending DS, I kept finding excuses for why DS did what he did, I didn't acknowledge his frustration even though he'd heard me state my own frustration with the same thing and I was magically okay with it now that he was frustrated, and I minimized the issue.
I then pointed out that I was doing exactly what he asked and was parenting like he does since that was his recommendation for how we could parent together. Unfortunately the lesson didn't change much.
So to get along I have to
So to get along I have to stay mute about half of our life and say exactly the right things when I do talk?
^^^^^^^^^^ this is truly sad to get to a point in a relationship where you remain mute because your spouse will get upset and take offense. How are you both suppose to properly communicate thoughts, concerns, or feelings if you have to walk on egg shells? He's reacting to your comments and taking it out on you because deep down he knows its the truth. I'd disengage and leave him to it....