Though I do not ascribe to the "kids suck" school of thought, I do ascribe strongly to the shit kids behave like shit and should be held accountable for their behavioral choices and so should their shit parents... school of thought.

"My Skid's behavior sucks." will get you a lot more feedback than "my SKid sucks".

Trust me, my 14+ year STalker adventure has proven this unequivocally.  I do not coddle kids who behave like shit, nor do I coddle their failed idiot shit parents. Being a COD is no excuse for shit behavior.  Behavioral choices are a choice and toxic choices should be confronted.

IMHO of course.

Though there certainly are the the occassional kids who  just outright suck.

Fortunately, they are a relativly small percentage of the total kid population.

If you believe that "kids suck", you'd not get much sympathy here or anywhere else. I take it you don't have kids? 

I don't think people believe in kids not facing consequences. Mine faced consequences. My grandson is too young but my step granddaughter is school age and she faces consequences. I don't know who these kids you are talking about. They don't face consequences in your family?

I think the issue is when adults, who supposed to know better, aren't expected to do the right thing and aren't facing consequences. Yet kids supposed to face consequences. It happens in stepfamilies a lot because stepmoms love their husbands (often blindly but madly in love) and will defend them for the most unexcusable thing. Yet it's much easier to blame and hate on skids. We aren't in love with them.

I was guilty of it in the past. I was in relationship with man whose adults kids were quite horrid and I always blamed them. But the blame was misplaced. Most kids, minor or adults, behave certain way because of poor parenting. Or if kids act bizarre towards you it's usually because partners don't prioritize you. Again it's parental fault.

My SDs objectively are messed up lol but they aren't allowed to act out with me. My DH wouldn't want to lose me. He knows I'll be out. I left previous relationship because skids were allowed to cause chavoc. And I'd be out again. I don't need men that bad! No one does 

I think you may be seeing something I'm not. Or you don't see the main difference: we parent our own kids and can't parent the SKs so their actions/behaviors appear to be more vilified. So whne you see what you think is lopsided acts/wors by the SPs what you're seeing is a lack of actual accountablility by the SK's parents and sadly that shows most clearly in posts on a majority step parents complaints.

I'm not team SK vs BK, my two were a hadful, my SS was not. But he was held accountable and had expectations placed on him by both of his parents and his behaviors showed it.

. 

I think if your stepkids act out, but their parents don't apply consequences then it's the parents' fault. It's not like society or some random people in general need to apply those consequences. Parents do. If they don't, then you certainly can't expect some strangers on the internet or irl to apply consequences to your skids. Take it up with your SO. He's the one who's supposed to be doing it. Not random strangers 

Kids get more excuses and chances because they are learning. They are going to screw up. Yes, there should be consequences for purposeful bad behavior, but there are also things that are age-appropriate behaviors that parents have to parent their kid through - up to and including outside intervention.

A toddler who throws a temper tantrum likely isn't doing it because they're a bad kid. They're likely doing it because they are too young to have learned how to regulate their emotions. A parent's job is to teach them that having feelings is okay, but there are appropriate ways to express those feelings. And parents have to teach that at a level kids understand.

Teenagers do dumb sh*t. They push boundaries, think they're smarter than other people, can be very emotional, etc. While they may look like adults, they're not. They still can't fully walk through a situation in their mind and see all the possible consequences of their actions. They have a metric f**kton of hormones pumping through their systems. They need more sleep to adequately accommodate the growth spurts their going through but society has pushed for early school times and late-night jobs or extracurricular practices. They need guidance and natural consequences when they screw up - and those have to be enforced/provided by, you guessed it, the parents.

On STalk, often the problem is a parent not addressing YEARS worth of bad behavior and/or mental health issues in their kids, to the point that the kids are beyond just needing their phone taken away as punishment. Often, too, we see parents who say "I've done everything and don't know what else to do!" when they have literally done nothing. Their spouse - the SP - has done more than they have by at least seeking out STalk for guidance. Many of these parents haven't actually done the work they NEED to do, just the work they WANT to do.

So yeah, I'm personally going after the parent first, ESPECIALLY when the kid is a minor. If a minor child has behavioral issues, how exactly are they supposed to correct them on their own? How exactly are they supposed to get treatment or help with any mental health issues they may be facing, even if it's just as simple as being stressed about school tests? They NEED their parents to recognize the issues and provide the right kind of help. That can take A LOT of work, and not all parents want to put it in.

So the kid suffers, their issues compound, and by the time a SP comes into the picture years down the line, the kid is clearly a broken mess to us but the parent has no idea. They have been watching the frog boil so long, so to speak, that they don't recognize that it's already dead and the only reason it's still moving is because the bubbles from the boiling water is what makes it dance.

Now, I'll admit there are some kids who are beyond help that their parents can provide. They have profound behavioral and mental health issues that we don't have great resources to help handle. I empathize with those parents, especially the ones who have literally done everything they can but nothing will make it better. BUT, that is SUCH a rare circumstance that 99 times out of 100 it's not the case at all.

You don't have to like your SK or any kids for that matter. But if your expectation is that a kid should behave like an adult regardless of how they are raised by BOTH parents, then you have very unrealistic expectations. Kids will have moments when they suck - just like adults do - but it's up to an adult to correct and guide them. Not doing that means the blame falls on the adult, specifically their parent, because their literal job is to rear a child.

You won't see me excusing kids.

It's not like kids go from being 0% accountable on the eve of their 18th birthday, to 100% accountable the next morning.  They are 0% responsible for their behavior at birth, and it goes up exponentially from there.  A lot happens biologically with brain development at age 12.  Regardless of parenting, I'd say a 12 yo is maybe 60% responsible?  Brain development doesn't complete until 25ish though.

Not everyone with bad parents turns out a bad person, and not everyone with good parents turns out good.  And they don't grow up in a vacuum, they can choose to pick up good examples from society around them.

Because they always think that I always blame skids.

Well guess what? I blame the parents more, but think that at certain ages kids incrementally can be held responsible for their actions.

- Teenagers will do crazy things and test boundaries. But they can choose what to do,what not to do...

- Teenagers are moody and get cranky and have temper changes. But they can learn how to address the emotions. And Ive seen SD SMPS be very sweet and nice and happy, and then when she doesnt get something she wants, will immediately start sulking because she has learned the power of that. Thats on the parents to not address it,  but she knows and is aware of the rightness and wrongness of that behavior.

- Teenages lie a lot. And then there are consequnces, and they learn not to lie because it does not go well for them to do that. Thats on the parents to correct that and thats also on the kid to learn to do things the right way. They have CHOICES. Why lie if it doesnt go well.

We can banter back and forth all day long about children and parents. Basically crap parenting creates a crap family dynamic.

I don't believe anyone ever said that teenagers should not face consequences. In fact everyone on here states that they apply consequences to their own children.

if people have spouses who refuse to apply consequences to their kids, then people need to take it up with their spouses. But they don't want to or are afraid of their spouses so demands are placed on authorities or law enforcement or anonymous people on the internet or schools etc. If OP has an issue with her partner not applying consequences then that's who OP needs to talk to about it