New to this but need advice pls
Forums:
hi all,
i am a childless stepmom and been married for 10 years. DH has 2 kids both teenagers.
i work from home & do all the house chores from cleaning to cooking in between my work.
dh tells me tonight that on school holidays his kids will now stay home with me? I am being selfish for freaking out as I’ve now been made the babysitter too?
these kids do nothing for themselves and have never even offered to help with meals, cleaning up etc yet ask for a cup of tea etc
is anyone else in my shoes ...
He tells you? NO. He asks you
He tells you? NO. He asks you and you are allowed to say no. No one just TELLS you what happens. Most people who work from home have rules about watching children while working. I get that in theory there is less care as they are teenagers but still, no. You tell your husband he doesn't ever TELL you what to do, he has a conversation and asks you.
I will second this and add,
I will second this and add, why are YOU doing ALL of the household chores and cooking?
Your 'd'h can assist, same goes for his TEENAGERS.
Sheesh.
Hold up... you were just
Hold up... you were just informed of your new duties as his wife?
You weren't asked?
What about your ability to work from home with a couple of teenagers around making noise and messes?
What did you say when he told you this?
Haha! I would tell him that
I would tell him that that does not work for me. Seriously, who does he think he is? His kids are not your responsiblity.
I just don't get some of these men. My husband never assumed that I would want to watch his kid, cook for her, pick up after her, or anything else. He was her dad, he did it ALL.
I watched her once, for about 4 hours while he had to work (and she was sleeping for 2 of it). We have been together for 22 years, since his daughter was 5. He has never told me what I was going to do regarding his daughter.
There's a reason that I never had kids... I don't like 'em.
I do watch my SO's kids and
I do watch my SO's kids and help them and cook for them and do stuff for them. BUT I have a child, too - and my SO does as much or more for me as I do for him. If I were in your position, I'd probably do more but that's because I like kids. I'd only do what I WANTED to. And even though I think we have a reasonably fair trade off in our household, my SO still THANKS me every time I do for his kids and ASKS me if I don't offer first. We are fortunate that we have pretty flexible jobs and so we're able to cover for each other.
I did do things for my SD,
I did do things for my SD, but it was not an expectation. I wasn't told what I would be doing.
You: "DH it's a work day for
You: "DH it's a work day for me, I cannot watch your children."
Him: "They don't need to be watched. They can take care of themselves."
You: "Sorry not watched, interrupted. You will need to make other arrangements. In the future if you would ASK me while giving some notice I MAY have the ability to change my work schedule around to help you out."
The end!
Thank you ladies for all your
Thank you ladies for all your replies. This issue has come up in the past when the kids were younger and I said I could definitely not have them home with me as I could not cope with the stress of work plus making them breakfast/lunch etc. his argument tonight was that his kids are now older and can look after themselves. In the past he would take them with him to work or drop them off at his mothers. When he got home with them tonight he said the kids did not want to go with him to work anymore and wanted to stay home.
I am totally fed up. They are spoilt brats that have never even rinsed one plate. They don’t even know that rubbish goes in the rubbish bin and leave things wherever ... they have a full time maid & aupair at their moms.
i am not the babysitter, I never signed up for that.
they have a full time maid &
they have a full time maid & aupair at their moms.
Then, they can stay at Mom's, if their dad is working and cannot tend to them and they cannot tend to themselves.
Staying at moms -- depends
If mom and dad live near each other, it may be fine, dad can pick thme up after work, and then spend time with them. However, if they do not live near each other, then it can mean that dad does not get to see much of his kids. But if he does not want them to stay at moms, either he picks up after them or shows them the rules of the house.
Just say NO
You have to work, you can not be bothered with anybody in the house. There his kids, he has to figure it out . If you let this happen once it’s going to be all the time. All summer long ect. Can not happen, if kids are dropped off you are leaving to work someplace else. Hotel motel ect.