BM lied about a Restraining Order
Sorry to have 2 blogs today!
SS14 has a 1/2 brother, we shall call him A. A's stepmom is a very sweet woman who has answered some questions about A's medical history for me to clear up SS14's false medical info. A's lives with his dad and SM, has occasional visitation with BM.
Anyway, DH and I had a thought the other day that maybe BM has A this year and that is why she doesn't want SS to come with us. Maybe she wanted a vacation with all her kids. So after I checked, and found out A and SS14 have the same spring break, I reached out to A's SM to ask if he was spending spring break with BM this year. Nope, A really has no desire to see BM. We chatted a little about some of the things going on, she said that her DH went through all the same things and it is really hard.
Out of the blue A's SM messaged me this morning asking why Dh hasn't actually spoken to SS in 2 months. I told her that he was blocked from his phone and BM refuses to answer or have SS call him back. Then A's SM asks me about the restraining order that BM has against him. WTF???? There is no RO. There never has been. I find out that BM told A's SM that she has an RO against DH and DH is not allowed to speak to SS, BM, A or A's family. --- Y'all. My Jaw Dropped. WTF.
Does SS14 think that there is a restraining order against his father and he isn't allowed to talk to him??? Could this be the massive shift that happened out of the blue?? Am I having way too much hope right now??
I sent screen shots to the lawyer. Now we wait.
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Wait - so how did A's father
Wait - so how did A's father get custody of him?!
No, the massive shift that happened out of the blue is called "The tipping point". It's the time when a partially alienated kid becomes entirely alienated, for whatever reason they blame it on.
BM and A's dad split when he
BM and A's dad split when he was like 18 months old. They had 50/50. When BM moved to live with DH on the east coast they kept the 50/50 and the order said that it would remain that way until school started. A's dad filed for the modification and got him enrolled in school before BM's next visit (I think they did 3 months at a time with each parent). Courts kept A with his dad and gave BM standard out of state.
BM got smart when she left DH. She pulled the enrolling in school and all of that before DH even realized what happened. I guess school enrollment accounts for residency of the child? Anyway, that was how DH was never able to get the case shifted back to our state even though this is where SS was born and lived the 1st 9 year of his life.
School definitley helps with
School definitley helps with court. The judge didn't ask in our case. But our lawyer did mention to be sure the kids were both registered near us, and that we had the paper work just in case he needed proof. Shows stability.
Crazy shit these BMs pull.
Crazy shit these BMs pull. Just wow. How does she still have custody? If she is lying to SS is BM in contempt in any way? She is going against the CO, right?
Why Am I Not Surprised
that Psycho BM told SM to A that there was an RO against your DH???!!!
#notshocked
The Girhippo went around telling everyone that "Chef was violent" She actually attacked HIM not the other way around.
DH should check with her county court
DH should check with her county court and see if she ever requested a restraining order. She could have requested a restraining order that he was never served with because he doesn't live there.
I am glad you suggested it!!
I am glad you suggested it!! I called the clerk in her county and the one where we are dealing with family court. Her county is too small to handle family court. Neither have any record of her even applying for one. The clerk said- sounds like someone is trying to stir up problems for your husband.
I thought that is what you would find out
I thought that is what you would find out, but I think it is good to know for sure.
It’s part of the Psycho BM playbook!
I’m glad you are getting some insight from A’s SM.
But this is right out of the Psycho BM handbook.
If I paid any attention to the crazy BM over here, my SO is not only an abuser (cops have been called on her at least twice that we know of for domestic violence. My SO? Zero because he’s not violent), tried to tell me on one of the insane communications she sent me before I blocked her that he is also gay, an alcoholic, mentally insane, abandoned her and the kids and a hundred other things I suspect are her projecting her issues on him. I mean, after almost 9 years together, I know he’s not perfect (who is?) but he’s hardly this crazed monster she describes to anyone who will listen.
So document, document and document some more. No judge in NJ seems to care about her crazy, because she has a Golden Uterus, but having it if you need it Never hurts.
Hang in there!
Yours too? Mine is also an
Yours too? Mine is also an alleged alcoholic and abuser. Her example of abuse? When he found out she was having an affair, he abused her by putting his hand on her leg and shaking her to wake her up. Yep, folks, watch yourself around my DH, he will wake you up ABUSIVELY. She also told the private school he had "abandoned" her and SS when they had 50/50 custody.
She never used the gay thing, though, that's creative.
It's called PROJECTION.
My thought is BM merely lied
My thought is BM merely lied to SM of A so SM of A wouldn't discuss anything with you anymore.
BM couldn't really get a restraining order that would include A and A's family. It would include only her and SS. BM is hoping SM of A will 'buy' the story and stop speaking to you/DH. I'm sure the idea of the two SMs comparing notes scares and frustrates BM. If there were really some order of protection issued, BM would have surely told SM of A before.... but BM never mentioned such a thing until now aka likely after SM of A causally stated something BM knew SM of A could only know if SM of A had been in contact with you/DH.
Yeah, it's just more victim
Yeah, it's just more victim crap.
There is always 1 parent in
There is always 1 parent in high conflict cases who will lie and remain high conflict until their last breath.
The sooner you realize it will not stop the better off you will be.
Normal rage Jane Q public would never consider running around telling people "I have/had a PO out on xdh". WHEN it is not true.
Its unlikely your BM will cause TOO much harm to your DH because you mentioned he is military right? Think about it...if she stirs the pot full kilter he may loose his security clearance. IF he looses his security clearance that is a trickling effect that 'may' result in his departure from the Navy. IF that happens her consistent money train may lower a lot. She doesnt want that to happen.
So....dh could have his lawyer intervene. Lawyer can write a strongly worded letter to bm's lawyer to the effect "It appears that your client has informed citizens within her community that she secured an order of protection against my client. This is a complete falsehood.
Tell your client to cease immediately. Should your client refuse I have instructed my client that I will proceed with harassment charges and an order of protection on his behalf , including attorneys fees and court costs related to those proceedings.
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you may want to ask the person who told you this "CAN I have dh's lawyer call you to confirm what BM told you"?
Sorry about all this....
We read about junk ex's do more than we want to. ITS nuts. Behaviors to inflict harm, angst, turmoil over and over again is NOT normal range behavior.