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Babysitting

morrginme's picture

Submitted by morrginme on Sun, 01/27/2019 - 11:37pm

I wish I was a babysitter. When I was young my parents would get me a babysitter and as I got older they called it companion sitting. I was too old for a babysitter and too young to make big decisions quickly if something happened. Sitters have it good. The parents have a talk with the child before they go or get busy with some project. They say something like so and so is in charge so you better listen to them and behave (or else). They tell the sitter how they can be reached if there are any problems.  Few sitters have any problems. If they do they usually wait until the parents get home and mention it to the parents in conversation upon their return and the parent handles it immediately or the next morning with consequences.

Can you imagine being hired as a sitter and the parent(s) not telling their kid(s) or never making it clear to their kids in the past that the sitter is in charge and they better behave? Now can you imagine those kids being rude and disrespectful to the sitter? Not listening and ignoring the sitter? Maybe some of us have been treated this way a few times while supervising someone else kids, but it didn't happen often.

Now what if the kid called up their parent to tell them how mean you are being? Maybe the kid raced out to the parent as soon as the parent got home so they could tell their skewed side of the story? (The parent(s) had already told the child to call them if there was any problems.) Maybe you didn't know there was a problem at all and now the kid is dropping hints or freaking out to their parent about how awful you were. Now the parent is angry with you about how you are being unfair to their child. 

Do you think you would babysit those kids again? Wouldn't anyone be thinking that someone would have to be crazy to take care of those brats and what is wrong with their parents? 

As a stepparent I rarely get the same respect that is automatically given to a babysitter. Besides emotional investment and familiarity what's the difference between a babysitter and me being a stepparent supervising kids? It doesn't matter that I'm in a relationship with their dad. It doesn't matter that I'm at the home every night and day and I don't care if their mom hates me. I should still be treated with at least equal the amount of respect a babysitter receives if not more. 

 

 

 

Comments

strugglingSM's picture

Submitted by strugglingSM on Mon, 01/28/2019 - 12:54am

This captures so much of the life of a stepparent...even the babysitter receives more respect and more role clarity. Also, the babysitter is never expected to cover any costs incurred during babysitting.

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Mon, 01/28/2019 - 1:31am

Either you have the power over SK, when you are babysitting them. Or you just Disengage and not babysit them.  They are your SO responsibility to fine care for his kids,  and you are not that 

elkclan's picture

Submitted by elkclan on Mon, 01/28/2019 - 2:39am

When I have stepkids on my own, I'm 100% in charge and they know it. Yes, they'll be naughty, but they won't be naughty in a way that they are when I don't have them on my own. When my SO has my BS on his own he is 100% in charge and BS knows it. My BS is not so much naughty as whingey and lazy. Is he whingey and lazy when my SO has him? Yes. But not in a way he isn't when I'm also around and my SO handles it. These are the expectations that each bioparent set down and they know it. If they even dreamed of tattling on the other parent, they wouldn't like it. Now I'm not saying they shouldn't tell if one of us were abusive, but that's not the case. 

morrginme's picture

Submitted by morrginme on Mon, 01/28/2019 - 10:17am

I've said in the past to them that the only reason i should be tattled on is if I'm being abusive and that's not tattling it's reporting.  If I'm not being abusive (which I'm not) then...

SM12's picture

Submitted by SM12 on Mon, 01/28/2019 - 7:41am

That is the exact argument I gave BM when she started coming later and later to pick up the SSs without telling me.   She and DH felt it was my duty as a work from home SM to watch the SSs every day after school.  I wasn’t thrilled but it was o my supposed to be for about 1 hour until BM would pick them up on her way home from work.  Well as the weeks went on it became later and later.   It finally got to the point she was shooting up hiues late and actually making ME late to things I had to do.  She would never come In to get them but wait for them to run out to her car.   

So i sent her a text asking politely for her to please let me know if she was going to be late as she was now affecting my schedule.   Well she lost her mind and used the typical “you hate my kids” argument.  

My counter argument was that she would. Ever do that to a babysitter or even treat a perfect stranger that way so why does she feel she can treat me in that manner. That seemed to shut her up as she has no response to that.   She did start coming on time but the kids were terrible ands made it difficult to do my job so I refused to keep them any longer.   I have her a s DH a week to find other arrangements.   

She still told the SSs that I didn’t want them in my home but at that point I didn’t care.   She was going to trash talk me no matter what I did.   

sunshinex's picture

Submitted by sunshinex on Mon, 01/28/2019 - 9:28am

This was one area my husband was always quite good about. He made sure SD knew at a super young age that when she is with me, I'm in charge. I made it clear to him that I will not look after a child who doesn't listen to me. It's simply too much of a safety risk. 

After a trip to the mall when she was 3, I was in the change room with her and as soon as I pulled my shirt over my head, she booked it out of the change room. I had to frantically put my shirt back on and run out to find her. She could have easily gotten stolen. That really solidified how much she NEEDS to listen to me for DH. 

I mean, it's a bit different 3 vs. however old your skids are, but DH needs to understand that leaving his kids with someone without making sure they're capable of listening to that person, is beyond disrespectful - it's unsafe for the kids. If you can't expect them to listen to you, you're not able to keep their lives safe. 

morrginme's picture

Submitted by morrginme on Mon, 01/28/2019 - 10:10am

Thats what i say. What am i supposed to do when she says she's going for a walk and I say fine but it has to be on our road then she takes the literal highway. A very young female can't walk a highway by herself! Its a safety issue when she wont listen and I'd be the one responsible if something happened because I was supervising. Its not my own kid and if it was I would physically drag their butt back if i had too.