I would "unjoint" your finances... period.  He will pay his half of your joint expenses.. and what he does with the rest of his disposable income is his business.. but if he isn't holding his end of the rope up.. then that is a problem and he should be called out on his venmo habit... he only gets to pay her(an adult).. if the household is square.

yep, separate.  Venmo can be a nasty little habit, its too easy to use.  I have it but only use it once a month for a recurring payment.  Seeing he is being a sneak, you can too with your money, just put it very far away from him.  

I agree with ESMOD.  Separate finances, and make sure the household expenses are paid FIRST.  I'd have separated finances as soon as he lectured me on nickel and diming the bank account, though.  A working adult should be able to make some minor purchases without getting grief about it if they make enough to pay for it.  

It really is best in these situations.

As long as mortgage and bills and taxes covered - he can do what he wants with his own money. But he likes to give me lectures on my resale clothing habit.

Is horrid.   You know they are up to no good and are just trying to avoid criticism by mean old ogre SM (TM)

Fund an entertainment account. With the normal monthly bills.  Money for date nights, vacations, weekend getaway.  If he can afford extra money for SD. There should be extra money for you

This is the exact reason DH and I separated finances.  Different details, same dynamic.  It has given me greater peace since I don't care how he spends his allowance.

For us, it all goes in the same accounts and the bills are paid out of those accounts.  No doubt our situation as the CP household was much easier than being in the NCP household during the years  under a CO.

For me, I would take the position that not one penny beyond CS or otherwise COd support would leave household/marital income in the direction of the X or Skids without prior discussion and agreement between the spouses.  Let the X starve beyond what is COd.

Make sure he sends his portion of bills off the top.

I would be absolutely furious that he gives in and sends her money all the time. You could try making a budget to show him how much money is going to her. He's always going to send her some money so it might be worthwhile for you to talk about some sort of allowance. He could send money once a month and then cap it there. Sending her little bits all the time is doing the exact opposite of teaching responsibility. If he ever wants her to be able to function on her own without somebody constantly helping her out she's going to have to learn how to manage her money without getting bailed out. 

A friend of mine was complaining about his daughter always expecting him to send her money through Venmo. Recently she was in line to buy her books for college but had no money. So Dad needed to Venmo NOW. It's for SCHOOL, Daddddeeeee.

So I asked him what she just learned: #1, Dad is a sucker, and #2, she doesn't need to go to the trouble of planning time or money.

I also pointed out that just because she asked doesn't mean he had to provide, which would stop his frequent complaining about her behavior. I truly do not understand why parents have such a hard time with that "no" word when their children (including adult children) NEED to hear it.

I would be livid too.

Here you are being lectured regarding money yet he gives to SD funds. Must be nice huh? 

I used to always say to my ex DH  I shouldve been your DD NOT your wife. The DD gets treated better.

Blessings hun. You do realize if he is lying to you there is much more than you will ever know. If you are nickle and diming it then probably SD is mostly why. Daddio cannot say no to his pwecious, but his wife no problemo.