Feeling like a failure
My son has had anxiety issues his whole life. When he was a toddler he saw a therapist- it really was training me, but it helped. We learned a lot of coping skills. Things were better for a while. Middle school hit (last year). My son spent most of 6th grade in tears every night. He refused to go to counseling. This year right after school started that he couldn't live like this anymore, he was thinking about self-harm. I told him that it wasn't a choice anymore and we were going. We had 2 therapy appointments and then were referred to the med doctor. We had that appointment this morning. They perscribed him Zoloft.
He has almost daily panic attacks. I can't stop them. I can't make it better. I hate that he is now going on meds for this. My heart is just breaking. He is such a great kid. He is a 7th grader taking 2 high school courses. He is in the Gifted program. He loves golf and basketball. He has the biggest heart and loves animals. I just wish I could make this better for him, and I can't.
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Do you think the gifted
Do you think the gifted program is too much?
Schools have gone crazy with what they expect out of kids, and the gifted programs are even worse (OSS and YSS are in them). Have you discussed with your son dropping down to less intense classes? Really, very few colleges and no employer is going to care if he was in a gifted program once he is an adult.
He loves it. He gets bored in
He loves it. He gets bored in his other classes, Extend (gifted program) is where he gets to design roller coasters, have medical symposiums where he gets to figure out medical mysteries, etc. It is and always has been his favorite part of school.
There are lots of things we
There are lots of things we love that cause us stress and anxiety (like our spouses). I have hobbies with deadlines of when I need to get things done, and if I'm behind, I break down. I love it, so I want to do well and hold myself to a ridiculously high standard.
Same goes with my job. I love my job and wouldn't change (much of) it for the world. But that doesn't mean I don't wake up in the middle of the night with anxiety and heart racing because I am behind or forgot something or have a list a mile long, etc.
School is most kids' #1 stressor. All because your son loves it doesn't mean it isn't causing him boatloads of stress. He may not even realize that it is causing it, or compounding it. Don't dismiss it just because he enjoys it.
I would worry dropping gifted
I would worry dropping gifted would increase boredom and increase feelings of depression. Most highly intelligent people need the challenge to feel like they are doing something meaningful with their time.
You are not a failure for
You are not a failure for having a son with anxiety - at least you are getting him the care he needs. Anxiety is on the rise in children and without help, it can lead to self-harm or even suicide. Just make sure he has a GOOD therapist who understands Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Anxiety is very, very treatable with the right therapist.
You are absolutely in no way
You are absolutely in no way a failure. He's getting the help he needs. Mental stress is hard, Yours having severe anxiety is hard. He needs the help... Junior High is a ROTTEN time in a kid's life. The kids get meaner, the drama gets worse, all of it. If he's going to get help, now is the time. You taking him in is for the best. The meds are there to help, and once he adjusts a doctor may consider getting him off of them or lessening the dosage. But for now, he needs it, and that's okay.
My niece used to pull out her
My niece used to pull out her hair. She had beautiful long hair at my wedding and within six months, she was wearing a wig. I was shocked. She was about 10 then.
My niece assured her mother she could handle it and not to worry. She wouldn't go to counseling.
I met a psychistrist at a party who said my niece would never stop hair pulling -- it was essentialy untreatable. It wasn't the hair I worried about -- it was whatever was making her pull it in the first place that worried me.
By the time she went to college, not only had she grown back her own hair, it was unbelievably thick, long and gorgeous -- she could have been on a shampoo commercial!
Hang in there. Your son is going through the vagaries of youth and the social scene at school. Think of it as him adjusting to his new school circumstance and be confident it won't always be this way. Your confidence is good for him -- he needs you to be confident. (I often think if my sister hadn't kept reminding my niece that no one would marry her without hair, my niece might have gotten it under control much sooner.)
I'm not one to be overly optimistic, but at your son's age, he's not even close to being the adult he's going to become. He's just getting started. Hopefully, this is a bump in the road in the process of becoming who he's going to be and learning how to manage what is undeniably a scary world.
Keep a close eye on him, read everything on the Zoloft packaging so you know the side effects, and don't let him see you sweat.
You are not a failure! Even if he always has anxiety, he will become better at managing it because you are getting him help early. You can't choose brain chemistry, but you've managed to take the situation in hand twice and already seen some earlier success. Be confident!
I've got an 8th grader
Who is gifted and has a diagnosed anxiety disorder. We're not using meds, though I would LOVE to try.
7th grade was awful for her. She was being bullied by a teacher (who had the full backing of administration), and it took me awhile to figure it out fully. At the worst of it, she started self-harming--at school! I was able to finally move her around a bit at school to release some of the pressure (she went from 2 classes a day with that teacher to 1).
With DD, it's always been about identifying the root cause, and there's always a root cause--though it rarely has anything to do with what she thinks is the issue. Once we can modify that, she's better, even if she's not great. Oh, and she's in weekly therapy, too, with a therapist she really likes, which is helping, too, I think.
With all the stress you and your DH are under with SS, my guess is that your kiddo is picking up on some of that, too. Try as we might, we can't cover everything for our kids.
BUT none of this makes you a failure. Failures are creeps like your BM who don't care about their kids and who make them crazier than they need to be. Failures are the druggies who choose drugs over their kids. You're just an imperfect mom who's doing your best in difficult times.
Thank you everyone, it really
Thank you everyone, it really means a lot.
You are medicating your son
You are medicating your son for an illness. That isn't failure. You noticed your son struggling and took action to help him. That's wonderful. I hope this is the solution he needs.
Huge hugs
parenting is not an easy road!!!! All I can say, is it will get better. Pouring your love into your child, will help, and therapy will help -it all will help. Your are not a failure by any means. You are not a failure because you are not GIVING UP.
You're doing your best
Don't feel like a failure. You are doing your best and have taken him for help. Also despite the fact that he is feeling awful, he trusts you enough to open up to you about his emotions.
Have you considered charter
Have you considered charter school, or some other alternative form of education?
I know public school can be hard for some highly intelligent kids, but there are some great collaborative charter schools that work well for gifted kids.
I wish I could afford one of
I wish I could afford one of the private schools in our area. It is an amazing school. He is actually at a charter school for math and science right now...
You have to be careful in
You have to be careful in medicating kids with anti-depressants. I am not a medical doctor and I do not play one on TV, but they made me suicidal. I went from being solitary and quiet to downright suicidal. The medication didn't really help me until my mid to late 20s. (I am still on them).
Be so careful with them and watch your son closely.
I absolutely will. He is also
I absolutely will. He is also seeing the therapist weekly until they feel like he is doing better as well. He and I have a strong bond and I hope he will tell me if he starts feeling worse instead of better.
You are doing great!
You are not only getting your son the mental and physical help that he needs - but you are also giving him all of your love and support as well.
There are some concerns about using SSRI's with adolescents as there is a slightly higher incidence of suicidal ideation. Here is a link to a government report that explains it and puts the risk in perspective. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/child-and-adolescent-mental-healt...
Therapy Dog?
My neighbor has tried everything with her daughter and was recently advised to get her a therapy dog. They brought him over last night and he’s soooo cute. AND the daughter left her house to walk across the street to our house to show us the puppy. It’s been years since she’s come over. Two days and having the pup has already made a difference.
I will address that with SS
I will address that with SS therapist. We have one dog now... but she isn't really that into any of the kids. She is a 4 lb diva dog who is attached to me. My son loves big dogs, our big dog was 15 when he passed away about 3 years ago. The tiny diva was a total accident! LOL