I just want to leave
I’m on bedrest and am unable to work. My boyfriend works full time but my daughter gets $900 a month between child support and ssi.
Yesterday my boyfriend threw in my face that he’s been paying for her food. I tried to let it go but it pissed me off and I ended up snapping. I reminded him that while he’s paying child support, my child is bringing money in.
His daughter gets everything but because I’m not working and all my child’s money goes to rent and bills, my daughter and I haven’t gotten any. I had some money put aside for my daughters birthday and he had forgotten that I had already gave him the child support I go for her food and he spent it, so he brought up buying her food because her dad and I went halfsies on paying for her birthday present. I had to go into my bank statement and show him that I did in fact give him the child support.
I wanted to make sure my daughter was set so I bought a ton of presents for Christmas and her birthday with my last paycheck.
Anyways, while it’s not ideal with me being on bedrest, I’m thinking about just getting on government benifits the remainder of my pregnancy and kicking his ass out.
My child has grown out of all her shoes (her dad is going to buy her two new pairs of shoes next week, on top of the child support and diapers he pays for her) and my boyfriend is only concerned that he needs to order his expensive face wash, and he needs new shirts, and his car needs to be fix and I’m sick and tired of it.
His excuse is he can’t take care of us if he doesn’t care for himself first. I’ve been hearing this shit for over a year and I’m tired of it.
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So did he spend her CS on
So did he spend her CS on himself and not buy her food? Then complain he was having to buy her food with his own money? And I'll be honest - if my DH knew his last paycheck was his last for a while, I'd be miffed that it were spent entirely on Christmas and birthday gifts for his kids versus being set aside for emergencies.
I think you and your BF are both messing up. It's not his responsibility to make sure your daughter has food. If You can't adequately care for her right now, then she needs to be living with Dad. It is NOT your BF's responsibility to take care of her for you, whether he promised to or not (and if he promised to but has been selfish for over a year, I'm not sure why you made him her primary caregiver).
And it's unfair to throw CS in his face. He HAS to pay that, in exchange for not seeing his kid. That's a low blow, even if he was being a jerk.
Again, I think you BOTH are suffering from you not working and not communicating. He is overwhelmed, and you are stuck not being able to do things you want to do. Your household income has been cut way down, and he is going to feel that burden even with $900 a month coming in for your daughter.
Either try to have a sit down conversation with him about things or end it. If you end it, just keep in mind that you'll be recovering from having a baby while also taking care of your special needs SD with no help or support. You'll get some CS, sure, but all of their care falls on you, and you'll be doing visitation exchanges with a newborn. You'll be in custody hearings. Youll still be fighting about money with your BF. Leaving won't necessarily solve the issues you're dealing with.
I agree. If you are worried
I agree. If you are worried about your daughter having food she needs to live with her dad until you are back on your feet.
Beyond that, I'm just furious
Beyond that, I'm just furious with how your bf is putting so much blame on 1) his pregnant girlfriend who's on bedrest trying to keep HIS child alive. and 2) a child, who's special needs, can't do anything about her situation and still has needs
Ehhh...
Ehhh...
I don't think he is *right* for how he is handling his frustration, but I can understand why he is frustrated.
He is taking care of a special needs child who isn't his while the BioDad bails on helping take care of her. Additionally, he is the sole breadwinner at the moment, and his GF is throwing it in his face that he is paying CS to take care of his kid while CS is the only thing supporting her own. And GF spent the last of her money on toys versus setting it aside.
I get that OP is in a bad way at the moment, but that doesn't mean BF should be sunshine and rainbows about handling EVERYTHING in thr household because OP can't. He likely needs a break, and OP has the time on her hands to orchestrate that, but hasn't.
Overall, it's a bad situation that OP has the time to figure out.
I'm not saying bf should be
I'm not saying bf should be sunshine and rainbows, or frankly want to care for the child. But how he's handling everything and where blame is being placed isn't right either.
I agree changes need to be made. But from the sounds of it, he's also trying to blame not having food on her when she's contributing as much as she can currently.
I've been the sole bread winner as a stepparent, I know it sucks, but not for a minute did I think of blaming the kids or my DH for the situation. Yes I was mad and upset and frustrated. But there's a better way to handle it (mine wasn't perfect either, lol)
There is so much wrong with
There is so much wrong with all of this.
Yeah, I'm thoroughly confused
Yeah, I'm thoroughly confused. First off, Child Support is not meant for YOU to live off of. It's meant to add to any income you might make. If you are unable to work, why aren't you on short-term disability yourself? (Maybe all states don't offer that?)
Christmas and birthday gifts are not more important than day to day bills and food. So your last check should not have been spent exclusively on that (the kid can be told that money is tight and the gifts this year are limited, she'll survive).
I only ask for $200 for child
I only ask for $200 for child support from my ex and I get $680 for my daughter from ssi because she can’t go into day care because of her gbutton as well as her weak immune system and kidney disease. While I could get more from child support, my ex husband comes by every day to help me with my daughter and when I was working, watched her while I worked so I don’t find it fair to ask for more than that. He’s also still paying my cell phone.
Child support standards are
Child support standards are set for a reason - and one good reason that you could ask for more is that you currently can't work and therefore can't support your daughter as you used to be able to. It's great that ex-husband helps, but that should be in addition to paying what the state would expect him to pay - especially if you are unable to work. Child support is about her needs.
Again, I still think buying a "ton" of presents for Christmas with your last check was a mistake, though.
I bought those tons of
I bought those tons of Christmas presents with my last check, after I paid all my bills a month in advance and ran it by my boyfriend. I bought the Christmas presents back in May, before we even knew I was pregnant (we got pregnant our first try) and because I wanted to ease some of the financial burden I knew Christmas and birthdays would cause.
My boyfriend is horrible with money, he can’t save worth shit. I’m constantly tapping into my savings to bu him cigarettes or keep him over drafted.
That being said, I know my boyfriend is stressed out, he lives with his mom before moving in with me. All he had to focus on is his own food, his truck and his bills, but still, I feel like my little is paying for most the bills. I feel like the biggest change is that, when I was working, I was always able to take him out, we always went on dates and I paid for the majority of it. Now we have to budget until can go back to work and he doesn’t like that one bit.
My ex husband and I don’t wish to go to court, when my daughter needs anything, new clothes, shoes, diapers, anything, he’ll buy it for her. My boyfriend doesn’t pay that much in child support either so I don’t think it’s fair for my ex husband to pay more child support than my boyfriend even though my boyfriend makes more than him.
I'm going to be blunt. I
I'm going to be blunt. I think you're too enmeshed with your ex, and that in itself could be causing some stress on your bf too. Coming by every day to help and paying for your cell phone, honestly feels a bit like still being enmeshed together. Which can frustrate a stepparent to high heaven. It's like being apart, but still functioning a little too together.
That's not the topic though...
I feel for your daughter, but I think that you need to look at some other solutions here as well. Even if it is short term with dad until you're back on your feet. Everyone's emotions are really high right now, between you being out of work, your bf acting selfish and throwing blame, and then add kids to the mix and it gets even messier (kids are great, but they add complications, even more so when it's step-life)
"I reminded him that while he
"I reminded him that while he’s paying child support, my child is bringing money in"
I'm sorry this statement just doesn't sit right with me.
Yeah, I had a few
Yeah, I had a few cringeworthy moments reading this and that was one of them!
Also, she has been fighting with her boyfriend for more than a year about him not paying more to support her daughter? So, her unbalanced expectations were around long before the bed rest situation.
Her first thought is to go on more government programs because her boyfriend doesn't want to be financially responsible for her child. She won't even consider letting biodad take the child, because there goes her checks. Disgusting.
I’ve never asked my boyfriend
I’ve never asked my boyfriend once to pay for my child. It’s ok for my boyfriend to throw in my face that he shouldn’t have to pay for my daughters food (when I gave him money to pay for her food) but it isn’t alrightfor me to remind him that we’re paying child support for his child but can’t use our money to buy food for mine. You all are ridiculous
I never said your boyfriend's
I never said your boyfriend's behavior was right or wrong. I have no idea what started your argument. Were you asking him to pay for something? Giving him an earful for spending his money on himself? He just threw that bit about paying for your kid in there out of nowhere?
You don't pay for your child. That's the problem. So, if you aren't meeting your obligations, it is inevitable that the only income earner in the house (BF) is making up for that. That CS and SSI you give to your BF for rent and whatnot is being misused and that's on you. That SSI is supposed to pay for your child's therapy and other medical treatments or care. That CS is supposed to pay for food and shoes for your kid. But since you make zero dollars, those funds are being reallocated and your BF is indeed paying for the rest.
Bed rest is tough, but if your ex is still paying your stinking cell phone bill, something tells me you have never supported yourself, let alone your child, like an adult.
Obviously you have no clue
Obviously you have no clue how ssi works. Once a child or person gets ssi, they also automatically qualify for disability insurance, which in facts pays for all her medical and therapy expenses. So no, ssi isn’t for that, it’s for living expenses.
Ok, my daughters bio dad is
Ok, my daughters bio dad is joining the army in the 22nd, don’t make assumptions. Second, my ex husband lives with his hoarding parents right now and every time my daughter has ended up sick and in the hospital was because of his family getting her sick. Third, I’ve talked to him about me and my boyfriend breaking up and me becoming homeless and he doesn’t feel like our daughter would he safe with him and suggested I get on benifits
fourth and final, I only ask for $200 a month from my ex husband and that’s only for my daughters food. Which was the mine I gave my boyfriend, who spent it filling up his truck and going to a movie.
I can assure you I’m not some gold digger, I’m just pissed that I would give my boyfriend my daughters food money, have him spend it and then throw it in my face and wanted to vent.
And honestly I’m appalled at
And honestly I’m appalled at you, considering the means things you say and vent on here with complete support.
You didn't
mention how much dad in your previous blog (you did in a later comment). You spent paragraphs listing your expectations of your boyfriend and being less than generous about his daughter.
I would like to clarify.
I would like to clarify. Before we went to the park I told him that I couldn’t watch my daughter and he would have to, he still insist that we go and that he could watch her. Then he throws it in my face.
When he went grocery shopping the day before. he ran into his mom who wanted us all to get together. I told him that if I go, he’s have to feed and help me with my little, he said that was fine and again threw it in my face. That being said, I followed in my own car so that I could leave early. His mom insisted that my little and I stay and I need to relax.
I never once pushed him to care for my little but made it clear that if I was I going to leave the house and join him, he would have to help. I told him a week before I didn’t want to go to his moms that weekend and I thought he should just take his little and have some family time, he’s the one who told me I had to go. Didn’t ask if I wanted to but told me I had to go, so I went.
That being said, his daughter loves me and I love her. She has her frustrating quirks but with some help, I feel like I’ve made a difference. When he dad goes out to smoke or leaves her with me, I sit and talk with her. I’ve work on her hygiene, talk to her about her anxiety, she really opens up to me.
I threw the child support thing in my boyfriends face in retaliation to him throwing the fact that he bought my child food, which made me incredibly angry because while he does do the grocery shopping, he doesn’t actually pay for her food.
While I’ve helped my SD with he hygiene and also gotten her away from this boy who was physically hurting her (hit her on her birthday and her mother still allowed her to see him) she does have a very know it all attitude and often interrupts people and doesn’t listen, she has no friends at school and I feel like this is why so I’m trying to work with her on it. Unfortunately my boyfriend thinks his little walks on water and gets very angry when I mention it but his daughter has anxiety and depression from being ignored or bullied at school. Her mom thinks she’s over dramatic and her dad (my boyfriend) thinks kids are just mean and she should ignore them but obviously for a 9 year old girl, all she wants to do is fit in and to do that, she needs to learn to listen and stop acting superior to people. (I’ve set up a play date with another 9 year old girl, and that other girl couldn’t get a word in without my SD cutting her off)
If your money was separated,
If your money was separated, you wouldn't be in this predictament.
Is there a reason she is not
Is there a reason she is not on formula? There are some really great ones out there for kidney disease. My son is on Complete Pediatric. It contains all sorts of proteins, veggies and fruit blended. So much easier then making your own. Medicaid pays for it. Also, Medicaid pays for diapers after the age of 4. That will save you some money.
She has chronic kidney
She has chronic kidney disease stage 3 and can only have 15-25 grams of protein a day. They’d rather I stay on the lower side. Then her sodium levels are always high, as well as her calcium levels. I’ve been able to keep her at stage 3 kidney disease for almost three years with a strict diet. It takes more time but her health is more important :)
Hi again. We are switching to
Hi again. We are switching to this next month. Our nephrologist recommends it. Maybe you should ask yours? It cannot hurt to ask. https://www.nestlehealthscience.us/brands/novasource/novasource-renal. The only reason I’m pressing is because I was making his food too. Once again I didn’t know how stressful it was until I stopped. I’m just trying to be helpful.
21 grams of protein a bottle
21 grams of protein a bottle *shok*
But thank you! I know some
But thank you! I know some nephrologist aren’t strict on protein but both of my daughters (she was seeing one in California but thankfully one in Nevada got hired so we switched) have been strict about her protein
Yeah kidney disease is tough.
Yeah kidney disease is tough. I would t wish it on anyone. My son has muscle break down with the lack of protein. and it’s effecting his breathing. It’s like always fixing a new problem.
Good luck. Check into those diapers, too. If you haven’t. The supply companies should give you lots of samples to see what kind you like.
Hi again. We are switching to
Dupe
You know I tried to get
You know I tried to get diapers through Medicaid and gave up after a few months. I think it’s more because my daughters pediatrician isn’t the greatest, I’ll have to see if her lung specialist can order them. She typically orders everything or yells at my daughters pediatrician to get on top of things.
All they should have to do is
All they should have to do is call in a prescription. I am sorry your ped sucks. I would be lost without ours.