If he can't figure out how to balance being a boyfriend with being a parent, he should just stay single. Life doesn't stop just because his daughter is there and there is no reason for you to be excluded from his attentions.

My DH only had his daughter EOWE but he didn't ignore me when she was here. There were times they did stuff without me but it was my choice. For the most part, we carried on as usual (including housework), we just included his daughter.

I agree with hereiam; your BF needs to learn how to balance things better.  It sounds like he doesn't prioritize your relationship enough, and it won't survive if he doesn't.

How does his custody schedule work?  I'm trying to figure out why he would be picking his daughter up after school and then having to drive her 1.5 hours home after that.  I'm also trying to figure out how you have no "quality romantic time."  If the BM has the kids 50% of the time, don't you have a chunk of alone time?  If the schedule doesn't work with your lives, maybe he needs to try to tweak it.

My SO has two kids (1 in school, 1 preschool), has 50/50 custody, pays no CS but took all the debt (mortgage and big car loan) in his divorce.  He lives paycheck to paycheck.  The good news is that we and BM live in the same town, so it doesn't take 90 minutes to drop kids off.  I never feel like a third wheel because we all do things together.  We never get to sleep in, but very rarely would he be sitting on the couch with his kids while I do housework.  We split chores and make the kids help (although I have to admit they're not always particularly helpful).  He has no problem telling the kids to go entertain themselves when we have to get something done around the house or need to discuss or do something without them underfoot.  When there's a kid activity, we both go, although he will not allow the kids to be overscheduled to the point that we don't have time together.  It's not "them" and "me" because I am included in anything I want to be included in.  We do things as a family - it's very rarely my SO doing things with his girls and me doing something else.  

I would not agree with you that he's just being a good dad and isn't doing anything wrong.  If he destroys his relationship with you, that's not doing his kid any favors and that's not being a good dad.  That's just more instability in the child's life.  He needs to learn balance and to include both you and his child in his life at the same time.  (If you don't want to be included with his child that's a different story, though).

As for getting engaged, if the two of you really want to get engaged/married, you don't need a fancy ring.  My ring is nothing to write home about, and didn't cost much at all, but I love it because my SO gave it to me.  Maybe at some point, when he's in a better financial place, he'll replace it with something nicer, but it's not important.  We can't afford much of a wedding, but it's the marriage, not the wedding celebration, that's a big deal to us.  As long as the immediate family is there, we're good.  Don't let him not being able to afford a ring be an excuse for not getting what you want/need out of a relationship.

So what is BM doing during her 50% of the 50/50 schedule.  Is she dropping the kids off in the AM after a 1.5 hour drive?

Your SO needs to set and enforce boundaries and a daily schedule so that you and the relationship are never second to the XW and the Skids.

I, personally, think that it's very rare that bio-free women are really able to be happy with someone who has so much baggage, especially those of us who have never been married. I always felt that I was getting short-changed because of decisions that had nothing to do with me (his decision to marry his ex, buy a house with her, have a kid, run his life into a hole after the divorce, etc) and I couldn't live with so much of my life being dictated by others so I got out in the dating stage. Maybe you need to lay your cards on the table with him about how unhappy you are, give it a little time to see if he can make changes and then move on if he doesn't make the changes. As you can tell from other stories, marrying this guy and having a kid will not improve the situation on their own and may make it worse.

I did recently meet a woman who was bio free and seems to love her SD and her life with her husband.... But she is an extremely laid back person who understood she was second to the SD and was fine with that, didn't even care about getting married at all and is letting her hair go grey in her 30s... She describes herself as a modern day hippie. I think you have to be much more laid back than I am to deal with all of the baggage that comes with these situations.

You are also with a guy who has significant financial problems which don't seem to be getting better even though you've been helping him out.  He can't pull his own weight financially, and a simple $20 take-out pizza sends him into overdraft, based on what you wrote previously.

He also has a daughter he will be responsible for for at least another 11 years.  

You don't have any quality of life time with each other - it seems it's all about working, managing the household and taking care of HIS child.  You don't even have time to "cuddle." 

You feel like an outsider and a third wheel ... that's because you ARE!

Tell me, why are you even in this relationship?  Try and tell us, without using the phrases "he's a wonderful person" and "I love him so much." 

Seriously ... write down all the reasons you are with this man (and why you are thinking of having your own children with him!) so we can understand your perspective.  

It's completely OK to feel how you're feeling. There's no reason to feel guilty. Being in a relationship should make you feel the opposite of miserable and lonely! You're feeling this way because he isn't making you any priority. You're coming in last and that isn't ok.

My heart sank for you when I read he won't stay in bed with you so he can get up and hang out with her. I'm not sure why someone would neglect their SO to spend so much time with a kid they have half custody with. I would definitely tell him how you feel. He has to be understanding about this and appreciate you want his affection.

What I don't understand is why you both work 50 hours a week and you're the only one cleaning. He needs to meet you in the middle and be a modern man across the board, not just with sharing expenses but sharing ALL responsibilities. It's also time his kid help out with some simple chores too.