struggling with the pressure of step children

Forums:

Hi I moved in with my partner and her two kids about a year ago and while it went well first we are all struggling now

while my partner and I love each other we've found so many differences with money, expectations of the children as she's so soft even with my son too who is also living with us where as I see it as a guide to life and also respect for each other and the home, I work long hours up to 75 hours a week and after a 13/14 hour day I still can't get any of them to clean up after dinner and there all mid to late teens and it's like everything I ask there back goes up and it causes more grieve than it's work. like picking up the dog poo on the lawn it's like I asked one of them more than 24 hours ago and now he's gone out and won't be back til tomorrow and I'll have to do it I could understand If I'd have demanded it be done right when I ask be I always give them time to do the task I have but still nothing

As for money my partner is a real spender and I'm a saver and it's causing so much disharmony in the house that I'm at my wits end

I really feel like leaving as I only see it getting worse

foray542

relationship counselling.

You have some the major stressors in your relationship - kid discipline differences (the fact that they're blended makes it extra hard) and money differences - if you have sex differences too you've got the trifecta.

My partner and I are both savers. We talk about discipline differences (I am softer than he is on most things). To be honest, when I was dating I looked for cheap man because I knew I couldn't live with someone who wasn't - frugal but not mean.

I would institute policies

I would institute policies where there are penalties for non-completion of required household chores - eg access to the internet, or take their phones off them. I wouldn't pussyfoot around this, I'd confiscate things and lock them in a safe until the chores are damn well done. Unless they work and pay for their own phones which sounds unlikely with these kids. But I'd put a password on the internet that only you and your partner know, in that case.

Have a family meeting and lay

Have a family meeting and lay out the expectations. Give them a timeline. Tell the spouse if things don’t change within the timeline given you will be implementing major changes. Don’t be afraid to implement said changes. Once changes happen, natural consequences do wonders.

Establish and enforce

Establish and enforce reasonable standards of behavior in your home. Apply an escalating age appropriate state of abject misery for any kid that refuses to comply. Lather, rinse, repeat. They comply or they are miserable. Compliance returns a tolerable but not escalated state of existance, exceeding the standard returns a modestly

Take phones, computers, gaming systems, etc.... turn off internet access. Start throwing away their personal items that are not kept appropriately picked up, if they won't clean up after a meal... quit feeding them. Hunger sends a very clear message.

If they don't pick up the dog poop, bag it and put it on their pillow with a post-it giving them the message that they failed to do as directed and next time the poop goes in their pillow case without a bag. A third infraction ... and get rid of the dog.

Quit making this complicated. Keep it simple. They comply or they suffer. Their choice. Direct, to the point, effective.

thank you all for your

thank you all for your replies the major factor is that two of them are 17 and 18 and both are over 6ft 3 and is be really concerned if my partners boy has loses it which he has done in the past there could be real big problems

so I suck it up or leave man it sucks

If they get violent....

If they get violent.... defend yourself. I suggest that you get a CCP, purchase a handgun, get training and carry. Even as a man if I was assaulted by a 6’3” assailant ... or two.... I would use whatever force was necessary to ensure my safety and to eliminate the threat.

Take care of you.

Just leave, relationships are

Just leave, relationships are a dime a dozen. Find somebody you are compatible with. Not somebody with shitty kids and a bad spending habit.

You are here

struggling with the pressure of step children