So, we've recently had another setback in terms of DH's dream business...decision put on hold for another 3-4 months at least and more likely closer to a year. We're both getting really tired of the limbo. 

At the same time, I've had several really big, technical clients come onboard in the past month (Oh no biggie. I just have to understand the entire healthcare industry, health insurance networks, and employer-sponsored direct primary care in order to write new branding docs and a new website for Client #1, and I have to understand all of academia, IP and copyright law, IP disclosure policy, patent law, and tech transfer to write a new website and branding docs for Client #2? And all of this is due in the same two-week timeframe? Sure...I'm on it!) 

Anyway. I've been dealing with intense, 4-hour "discovery meetings" at work and then been coming home to a sobbing DH who thinks that none of his hard work will ever pay off in the way he'd hoped and that he's too old to start over and that he'll never be respected in life or paid what he's worth. Mostly, he wants to discuss and talk about these things ad nauseum...but there's also been a lot of sobbing and it's been just heartbreaking for me to watch. 

For us, this is more existential than financial. I make enough money, and DH's parents are well-off and are divesting their estate, so we get a chunk of change every year. (We're a bit in debt now, due to his business expenses, but nothing that can't be resolved by the end of the year). DH has told me that he feels like he's in an early retirement home. Putzing around the house, cooking, doing laundry...working puzzles, riding his bike. He really wasn't built for a life of leisure. He likes to work. 

And then...I told him that he was giving too much power to other people and sitting back and waiting for them to deliver for him...in all areas of life...that he's not powerless or resourceless...and he can't just throw his hands up and give up because this idea hasn't panned out yet. I thought that I hurt his feelings, but when I got home from work he had: 

1. Enrolled in a program at our local tech college to build up some of his marketable skills. Even though he's in his 40's and has an M.A., he still gets lottery money, so the entire cost of the program is about $1200 a semester, and it will take 2 semesters. 

2. Cleared out his kids' rooms in the basement and knocked out some walls. He's drawn up plans and is turning the space into a full-service writing and editing suite where he can bring clients, record interviews/corporate video, and take editing work. He mentioned needing to invest in a server and a couple faster computer towers and larger monitors...and I reminded him that my brother can build systems from individual components...so he's now reached out to ask him for help choosing what he needs and creating a realistic budget. 

4. Put their beds, TV, shelving, etc. on Craigslist or taken it to Goodwill. 

3. Contacted my boss to let him know he's available for freelance / overflow writing and video production work (this is something we've talked about for a while, but he's never followed through on it until now). 

5. Created a month-long cooking plan, noting days when I cook and days when he cooks. We've been really working hard to eat at home as we spend far too much going out to eat. We've been doing incredibly well the last two weeks and have both lost weight. However, DH said a strict eating plan places too much stress on me as I am the only one cooking...so I have to stop work to make lunch when working from home or wake up early to prep lunches before I leave for the office. Dinners aren't an issue. DH said he wants to be in charge of cooking at least 2 days a week if I'll still plan the meals and do the shopping. 

All-in-all, this is a huge relief. DH will at least have things to occupy him and is trying. He's incredibly fast and talented when he's motivated. And I, at the very least, will have two days a week when I can work completely uninterrupted while he's in this program. I've been so happy about these changes that I barely even cringed when he mentioned wanting to buy a futon or a fold-out couch for his new den/reading area in the basement...in case the babies need somewhere to be!!! (gag.) 

Oh well. You can't expect someone to change all at once. The fact that he's willing to get rid of skid paradise in the first place is a positive sign. :)