My MIL brought SD22 home this evening and marched right up to us questioning if I was going to be driving her to work when she starts her new job because it's going to cost so much for her to pay for cabs/lyfts. I yet again pointed out how she refused to help around the house and that was the rule for me driving grown kids around. She said, "Well that's shitty." and SO LOST HIS SHIT. They yelled back and forth, mil saying stuff like dh treats sd22 like shit and she knew it would turn out like this and dh told her to leave and not ever come back. Apparently sd22 was again telling lies about what goes on here and dh told her to just take her stuff and live with mil. It got really loud (it happened outside and we live in an apartment complex) and someone called the cops(nothing happened though)

I finally got dh to stay inside and I had a long calm talk with mil. Explained the house rules and how dd22 refused to follow, and how I'll have a talk with her about how she needs to help us around the house as she's an adult, or look for jobs but then she'll go to mil's for 5 days right after my talk. How she lies constantly to people about us, in a way that always makes her seem pitiful. In fact she lied to mil telling her that everytime she does housework i go behind her and redo it. This happened ONE TIME months ago when she vacuumed a one foot wide strip through the whole house and the floors needed to be done. Her lies about us taking all her money, about me making her do all the housework.

I explained how my dd23 does housework everyday, helps buy our groceries, doesn't complain when we ask for help, puts gas in my van when she drives it(She now has her own car but takes my van when she takes any of the kids anywhere), how I owe her $300 and she is paying rent instead right now bc sd22 got fired so we weren't getting rent from her, I'm like that's how I expect adult children to behave and if dd23 acted like sd22 I'd kick her ass out in a heartbeat.

Sd22 had a dog she wouldn't rehome when she moved here so it stays at mil's till we get a bigger place bc I already have a dog. Mil threatened to bring the dog to US and I said ok then sd22 can pay the monthly pet rent fee and for the dog food and flea medicine and shots. Of course she does nothing to take care of her own dog while it's living with mil. If she comes back home and whenever her dog ends up here, she's no longer staying days at a time with mil unless she takes her dog and she'll be fully financially responsible for her. I'll happily dogsit if a kid goes on vacation and dd23 even has a dog living with us that gets free run of the apartment same as my dog while dd23 is at work. But I refuse to let them have a part-time pet at MY house. 

We were going to talk to sd22 and figure something out, especially until she got her first check bc she would run out of money buying lyfts before she gets paid. But she ruined that by running her mouth and whining and lying to mil and mil involving herself and saying such mean and ugly things. 

Oh and then sd19 starts texting dh saying it wasn't right for him to do that and fussing(she lives 4 hours away). Dh is refusing to talk to her about this besides telling her she doesn't know what's going on. I told her he has every right to make the decision he sees fit as a parent and I'm done with either one of us being told what to do. Me and her dad are a team And he's put up with way more meanness and abuse than I would have, and how yes as parents you want to always take care of your kids but at some point you don't have to take them being disrespectful and refusing to follow the house rules, especially when they are adult kids. She doesn't want to talk to me, only to dh. This sd interjects herself into every bit of drama involving her siblings. We had it out over xmas bc of that. I was very clear about children being children and us as the parents and they DO NOT tell US what to do. Dh has been enforcing these things, too, it's been wonderful to see him standing up for himself. (Oh let me brag...I about jumped his bones when he recently had this discussion with sd23:

Dh:YOU don't tell ME, I tell YOU.

Sd23:So it doesn't matter what I want?!

Dh:Yes it matters what you want, you're just not always going to get it, that's up to US.)

So for now sd22 has been kicked out to live with and be coddled by mil. Dh is giving things a few days to calm down before saying it's permanent. I'm sad things went so badly, the things mil said(dh does not whatsoever tolerate his mom or his kids or anybody really, disrespecting me.) I hate it got so trailor-trashy that someone called the cops bc that is very unlike my home life lol dh has ptsd and once triggered he's an explosion. I've never even seen him yell like this before. I hate that mil went straight to anger instead of having a conversation. She just straight up undermined us instead of being supportive about children following house rules and being responsible. She says, "I know more than you think I know" and I said not if you are going by what sd22 tells you. Dh feels really hurt by them both right now and I had to go to work shortly afterwards and leave him with my kids :/