Co-worker Enmeshed with DD?
I have a co-worker who has one daughter (21) years old. Said daughter changed her major from Engineering to Anthropology (nice, but impractical). This co-worker still goes to every doctor appt with her 21 year old daughter (to me that is a bit uncomfortable) and they go mommy/daughter shopping together for clothes all.the.time.
She is not divorced but doesn't have a great marital relationship with her husband (who looks NOTHING like the daughter and neither does the co-worker--both parents have recessive traits and the DD has totally dominant traits--rather odd) We were talking about health insurance the other day and said co-worker was quite enthusiastic about the prospect of her DD on her health insurance through age 26 (can actually go to 29 here in NYS).
I don't know about you but this all seems like encouraging a young adult NOT to launch. I have NO doubt she would turn into GUBMzilla should she ever divorce her husband.
Is it just me or is this helicoptering?
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I don't know about
I don't know about helicoptering. Is it considered that when the parent has made the child so dependent on her that the child (adult) can't function without mommy at her side?
I work in the ER and also deal with a lot of outpatients and I am always baffled that age 20+ adults bring mommy or daddy to their appointments. I understand extreme emergencies the parents may want to be there or an 18 year old high school student. But at 21 she still needs mommy? Strange.
I remember a close to 30 year old patient had daddy cover her up with piles of blankets because she was in "so much pain". He gladly did it without hesitation. She came in for abdominal pain but the doc said she was fine.
I’m not sure if “helicopter
I’m not sure if “helicopter parenting” is the proper term for this situation. If it’s their only child... Maybe?
To me, it sounds more like a codependency thing. But, that’s more often the case when there are several siblings. The parent(s) enmeshing with the child that will allow it.
DH’s parents are like this with his brother. His brother is 36 years old, and they are codependent as all get out.
Ew.
Ew.
I don't see anything wrong
I don't see anything wrong with her being on the parents' insurance. I'm on my dad's insurance and plan to be for as long as I can be. My job doesn't have benefits. My sister is also on my dad's insurance. She can get insurance through her job, but since dad is paying the same amount for family coverage whether she's on it or not, it would be silly for her to pay for it. We are otherwise launched. So that one doesn't trouble me in the least.
I also occasionally go shopping with my mom. Why not? I don't do it all the time, but if it's an activity mom and daughter enjoy doing together, have at it.
However, I do draw the line at dragging mom along for doctor's appointments. That seems kind of odd to me, at least for routine appointments. It sounds like the daughter is still in school - is she living at home? The test will be whether she moves out once she finishes school. I don't think anything you've described will prevent the daughter from launching, but often where there's smoke there's fire, so you might just be seeing the tip of the iceberg.
Sounds like they have a close
Sounds like they have a close relationship. I hope you don't spend too much time being bothered by them.
No Major Illness on the DD's Part
I guess I'm just old-school where you were expected to be independent at age 18. If that is an "unhealthy" relationship, then I'll take it. I love knowing I was able to support myself right out of High School which I graduated early from.
I think you can be
I think you can be independent and still be close with your family. Like shop for clothes with your mom. My daughter lives far so we only see each other on holidays and vacation but I like shopping with her.
Some employers have horrible health care plans, mine is relatively good. I’d not mind to put whatever relatives on it. My DD was independent early but I would suggest to keep her on my insurance if hers was crappy or she was younger than 26.
I can’t comment on changing majors because I don’t know why she did (maybe had no aptitude or ability for certain major).
I don’t know why she goes to doctors appointments, it’s possible daughter has health issues or mental health issue like OCD and is afraid to hear test results.does not need to be major illness .
Don’t know about looks and how it’s related to independence. She could be adopted or who knows, genetics is mysterious. My brother is talk has black hair and brown eyes and darkish skin I am blonde with grey eyes light skin and am short. We have same mannerism so I am sure we are related lol but it’s neither here nor there.
Overall I don’t see any of it to be a big deal. Nothing to write home about. I wouldn’t let it bother me. Unless this woman demands advice from you I’d not give it much thought.
Every doctor appointment?
I get being creeped out by enmeshment of adults with their parents, but it sounds like she does have some kind of serious health condition. It's not unusual for someone to take a family member along. Why else would she have multiple doctors appointments at age 21, unless she is pregnant? Now if she is in the exam room the entire time that would be weird. But who cares? As long as was not my family member I wouldn't give it much thought. Sounds like TMI at work. I'd shut that down, but then again I was never interested in hearing about co-workers' families. I'd try and listen politely for a few minutes then make some excuse.