Fighting children when stepson comes to stay
Hi I'm new to this site but so glad I found it. I have been a stepmom to my 11yo stepson for 10yrs. We have him every second weekend plus holidays plus whenever the mum allows more contact. We have a 3yo together also. Whenever his son comes to stay he always picks a fight with our son, he will fake that our son hurt him, he will invite our son to his room and then kick him out creating a scene and our son gets told to get out and leave him alone. He will play with our sons toys and do it in a way to get a negative reaction out of him and then he won't let our son touch his stuff and will snatch and put it up high. He will ask me something like "can I have a drink of coke" and when I say no he will go and ask his dad. At meal times he fusses and annoys our son by steering at him and pulling faces. Our son gets very excited when stepson visits and can be a little full on but he just gets growled all the time for "being annoying" and stepson barely gets in trouble. Last time he was here he got bratty with me and back chatted non stop because I wouldn't let him play grand theft auto on the Xbox. He told me his dad will say yes and pick him over me. Me and my partner are a fairly good parenting team but he seems to overlook most of his sons poor behaviour and it's frustrating seeing our son constantly being told off. When our son had turned 2 stepson shoved him off the tramp and our son almost died. He had a TBI and stopped breathing and was rushed to hospital. It affected our son a lot. Stepson wasn't even told off at all and sometimes our son will say "remember when you pushed me off the tramp" and then our son gets in trouble for even mentioning it. That's just an example of his behaviour and what he gets away with. I'm so sick of him being treated so preciously and our son being constantly growled when he visits. I just don't know what to do anymore.
No advice really but you are
No advice really but you are not alone - we go through that here too - only my son is 4 and SS is 8. This weekend SS will be here any second and I'm already camped out in the bedroom - I can't take it. I hate the way these weekends go but have given up trying. These weekends are just a thing to 'get through' at this point.
Spend some fun mom/son time
Spend some fun mom/son time with your boy on days when SS visits. You’re going to give yourself an ulcer trying to fix your SS11. I don’t have any bio kids with my DH but reading these blogs it seems kids from second marriage tend to be treated diff. Is it just me noticing that?
Mine was treated "different"
Mine was treated "different" - 2nd class. In addition my exSO's son was mean, rude and ultimately started dangerous behavior toward my son.
I packed us up and left. I chose to not allow my son to be treated that way or for that horrible brat to hurt him. Best decision I have ever made!
Your SS almost KILLED your son and you allow them to be around one another? How bad will the next injury be? What will be "bad enough" for you to decide your son will not be around SS?
I hope I am not coming off as harsh, but ultimately your #1 job is to protect your child.
No advice really buy you aren
No advice really buy you aren't alone, I fear every time my stepson is here that he will eventually hurt my twins (age 2) or my baby (almost 1) his father never says anything about his behavior either. The have to stop him before he does anything cuz he is so very rough
Your stepson doesn't really
Your stepson doesn't really sound like a good kid. I don't know how else to put it. Not to say he's forever doomed or will never mature and grow out of this stage but an 11 yo picking on a 3 yo? He sounds immature at the very least. I've seen this dynamic before. I wish I had advice. Maybe talk to a family counselor. I'd like to think that someone like that would have some ideas on how to tweak their relationship from being antagonistic to something more akin to an 'll der brother looking out for the little one. It goes without saying not to ever leave them alone after the tramp incident.
I never leave them alone
I never leave them alone together and try and stomp on it all the time but I just come across as a bitch. My partner tells him off very politely and tells me to be authoritive but I just can't be bothered dealing with it anymore. I believe the shoving off the tramp was an accident however it shows his level of maturity and how rough he can be. He acts all quiet and innocent so no one realises how bad he is. We have zero relationship with his mum after many failed attempts to get along and she tells him things and makes him behave a certain way that creates a lot of this behaviour. He's very very sly which makes it hard to catch him out. Our son is a little shit some days admittedly but he is disciplined without hesitation for his bad behaviour unlike stepson. I will start making plans for just me and our son when stepson is here and I will clearly say he can't come because they don't get along so he realises what his behaviours doing. There's a 7yr at gap he should be behaving much better than he does. He's a very immature kid. Can't butter toast or wipe his ass and still pisses himself. I know I sound mean but his parents have created him to be this way and it's not good enough in my opinion. Especially when it's impacting on not only our son but our family. I have been nothing but 100% supportive up until this point. We did see a counsellor about his behaviour and my partners ex a while back and how to deal with it all and we had been doing really well until recently.
I think it is time for a
I think it is time for a major escalation of consequences for this dangerous evil little shit.
Next time he plays the tit for tat between you and your DH... take some kitchen sheers to his Grand Theft Auto game or whatever he is attempting to manipulate the two of you over. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Start recording every maniplative thing and action this little shit pulls. Then play it back in front of he and your DH. Of course let him lie about it first. Then bare his toxic ass.
He is at the age where if you and DH do not get his under control it is going to grow much worse. For God sake this little POS already almost killed your baby. Start building up the evendential files to get him the hell out of your life .... just in case he does not extricate his head from his ass and in short order get in line with the standards of reasonable behavior and a reasonable human being.
If he were in my home after nearly killing my baby if he didn't tow a very narrow behavioral line this kid would know little more than a life of abject misery.
Good luck.