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Jeanette update

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Wed, 03/14/2018 - 12:19pm

Pretty uneventful - lol!

We mostly talked about how I am back to feeling that DH doesn't have my back and is doing a piss poor job of parenting Smile

Jeanette told him two things - making excuses for your kids is a good way to cripple them AND not having your wife's back will not end well for him.

He started up with the "I just wish she wanted to have a relationship with my kids" crap - which I haven't heard in a long time.  Jeanette asked if the kids wanted to have a relationship with me, and he said no.  She then asked why I should want to have a relationship with someone who didn't want one with me?

Crickets.

He said that he wished I would come to KarateKid's TKD competitions with him.  She asked him if he had ever asked me to go.  Nope.  She then asked him how I was supposed to agree to do something, or not do something, if I was unaware?  Of course, I have ZERO interest in going, because I don't like TKD, but I might go if he really wanted me to go with him.  He complained that he and I always went to Thing1's games.  True, I said, but the times you couldn't make it, I was totally okay with it.  Plus, I LOVE high school football - TKD, not so much.  

In the end, she asked him to be mindful of his expectations for me and to make sure that I was aware of things he wanted me to participate in.    To be aware that I am NOT their mother and I am not going to feel about them the same way he does.   To ask himself how/what he would handle everything if he had to do it all on his own.

Oh, and that there is NO REASON at all to "help" your almost 16 year find ways to take a shorter shower.  He said "well, what am I supposed to do?"    Jeanette's response?  "tell her to get out of the damn shower and turn the water off if she won't."

THAT sounds familiar Smile

Comments

nengooseus's picture

Submitted by nengooseus on Wed, 03/14/2018 - 12:36pm

We're not in therapy and we're actually in an OK place at the moment, but how awseome is it to have her have your back like that?!  Love it!

But I'm sorry your DH is being so stupid as to make it necessary.  

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Wed, 03/14/2018 - 12:39pm

she is a step mom, so she totally gets it.  She is also a mom, so she understands both sides Smile

My DH IS being stupid right now Wink

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Wed, 03/14/2018 - 12:54pm

So glad that Jeanette gave your DH the verbal slap he needed!! Drinks

Dovina's picture

Submitted by Dovina on Wed, 03/14/2018 - 1:23pm

I need a Jeanette. She puts things into perspective. I am so glad that you have the well deserved support!  My (ex) therapist wanted me to have compassion for my SD just two weeks after she pulled a rather well played (I must admit in an evil sort of way) public humiliation stunt on me. I have wanted to post it, however I fear this board has eyes and ears.

Keep posting more of this. It's uplifting!

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Wed, 03/14/2018 - 2:11pm

So, when Jeanette met her husband, he had teenaged kids.  Who hated her.   She completely understands  how SMs feel about their stepkids and she is the Queen of "they're not her kids, of course she isn't going to feel the same way about them."

 

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Submitted by GhostWhoCooksDinner on Thu, 04/19/2018 - 3:48pm

Your Jeanette sounds wonderful! Much like my therapist- she had three teen SDs when she married her DH, and the youngest two were severely PASed. She lived my life! Yahoo

SacrificialLamb's picture

Submitted by SacrificialLamb on Wed, 03/14/2018 - 4:39pm

If you post it as a blog you can always delete it....it's definitely a worthy story of stephell!

Dovina's picture

Submitted by Dovina on Wed, 03/14/2018 - 5:00pm

I have been trying to think of a "creative" way to tell it without being specific. Once the PTSD subsides, it would be shareable.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 03/14/2018 - 2:45pm

For some reason good therapists seem a rarity.

Mine was a God send when my XW and I were going through the death spirals of our marriage.  Even after the cavery crotched adulterous whore stormed out of our last couples session I kept seeing the Doc.  She was a huge help in my reconnecting with the man I liked being.

Hopefully your outcome as a couple will be a good one.  If not... it sounds like you are set for good advice on how to reconnect with the best you.

queensway's picture

Submitted by queensway on Wed, 03/14/2018 - 6:43pm

My DH has been on my nerves for a while now because one of my skids is having problems. Sometimes he walks around all mopey and glum. Doesn't have a clue of what is really going on. I would love to just give him a big kick in the a$$. I sure would love to have someone like Jeanette right now. She sounds like a smart woman.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Thu, 03/15/2018 - 8:25am

DH is actually really good about going to see her.  He has never said "nope, not going" when she has kicked his ass in the past and I have no reason to feel like he would do that now.

I think the tune up visits we may have going forward will be a lot easier for him, since they will tend to be incident specific Smile

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Thu, 03/15/2018 - 8:28am

backsliding for sure...I had a good couple years there Smile

As long as he keeps his "why don't you want to do anything with my kids" crap to himself, I'll be good.

I actually said "dude, YOU don't do anything with the kids, why should it be more important that I do things with them?"

Of course, crickets...