SD has problems, big surprise
This morning was parent-teacher conference day for SD6. In the past I have attended these with DW and BioDad, but now we have BS1 to take care of, so I took him to daycare instead of going to the conference. (Not that I really want to go, DW just always asks me to go).
DW calls me after the conference, and lo and behold, SD is having behavioral problems (gasp!). Teacher said that she is very smart (which I know because of her skillful manipulation of her mom, dad and nana), and she is well ahead of all the other students in everything except writing. DW and I suspect the only problem with her writing is that she rushes through it instead of taking her time. So anyway, teacher also says that SD6 is having speech issues - not making appropriate sounds when speaking. They want to send her for speech testing. First of all, I have mentioned this to DW a few times over the past several years, and so has my mother - who has her degree in early childhood development and has worked at an elementary school for 20 years. DW just shrugged it off at that time, pretty much ignored me. SD routinely says things like "TANK you" and "TREE" (instead of three), amongst other things. I think she does it for attention because she thinks it is "cute" to speak like a baby... Meanwhile our BS1 says "thank you" already - making the "th" sound at 18 months! Anyway, DW and BioDad have to sign-off to have her tested. DW agrees, but BioDad says that he has never heard any speech problems and doesn't want her tested. Lovely.
Next, my wife mentions that we have problems getting SD6 to focus, not only on her homework, but other things. This kid can't focus for more than a few minutes on anything - TV, games, sports, conversations, etc. Now, I have mentioned to DW on numerous occasions that I think she is exhibiting signs of ADHD, and maybe we should get her tested. Well, now we have independent confirmation. Teacher said SD6 is a "wiggle worm," interrupts at inappropriate times, does not focus on the work she is supposed to be doing, and myriad other behavioral issues (all of which we see at home constantly). Teacher then mentions maybe DW and BioDad should speak to SD6's pediatrician about it. DW tells me later she knows what the teacher was getting at: test SD for ADHD, but she can't come out and say it. DW says she will absolutely not do that because ADHD is over-diagnosed and she will not medicate her child. I tend to agree that it is over-diagnosed, and I don't want to medicate the kid either if it can be avoided, but it just seems like she is refusing to believe that there could be any issues with SD6 like ADHD. Of course, BioDad told DW that there is nothing wrong with his "little princess"'s behavior, that he doesn't want her tested for ADHD, and basically that the teacher is full of shit. DW says she will talk to her BOSS about it - he has a PhD in Psychology (but has never practiced child psychology).
Personally, I don't think it will ever get better. Especially if DW and BioDad refuse to accept that there is a problem - that it's just "normal kid behavior." How many people need to tell you there is an issue before you see it? Maybe I'd be the same way with BS1, but I hope not. Not only that, but shuffling between two different houses, where you have two vastly different sets of rules and routines isn't likely to help someone with ADHD (if she has it). So frustrating.
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Sometimes it takes a lot of
Sometimes it takes a lot of people to point it out to parents. My daughter is dyslexic. It was brought to our attention in kindergarten that she had a problem. We thought kindergarten was too early to detect reading problems. So we put her in 1st grade. Again it was called to our attention that there was something wrong, but they couldn't put their finger on it. As a parent you just don't want to admit that your child has any problems. A good friend of ours, who was a teacher, didn't even think there was a problem, she knew our daughter as a very mature 5 year old, who was an only child (5 steps sons out of the house and much older) who spoke mostly with adults and she talked like an adult, but she didn't she her struggling in school trying to read. Anyway, long story short, we had her tested and found out she is dyslexic. We then took action and got her tutoring and special help all through school. I know this isn't the same as putting your child on medication, but I'm just saying it is hard to accept your kid has problems. I work with a woman who's son has all the typical symptoms of autism. Some of the things she says he does is very typical and she has been told by teachers that he has issues with noise, change, etc, but they will not have him tested and refuse to believe it, and her husband is a school teacher.
So it may take a little longer for your DW to realize that her daughter has some problems, they may need to be told by more than 1 teacher, it may take 2-3 years of her being in school before they finally realize that there are issues.
Ask DW these questions: If
Ask DW these questions: If SD couldn't see the chalkboard, would she get her glasses so seeing lessons in class would be easier? If SD broke her arm, would DW take her for a cast so her arm would heal properly and feel better in the meantime? If SD showed symptoms of Diabetes, would DW take her to the DR. to get her tested, and if positive, would DW let her take insulin so she could live comfortably?
I have a feeling her answer to all of these questions would be YES. So then, if SD has ADHD, then why on earth wouldn't DW let her take a medication that would let her be calm and focused so she could LEARN? :?
ahhh the "normal kid
ahhh the "normal kid behavior" excuse...gotta love that one!
SS9 is the whiniest crybaby in the world. Not kidding...it's not a normal day if he doesn't cry about something stupid (and I mean stupid!!) He cried the other day because the restaurant put chicken in his fettuccine.
What do I hear when I bring it up? "OH SS9 is a gifted child and gifted children are just more emotional and sensitive"
skjfpasmfdfkdpkgmhjrikekdjfjswlslsjwwil!!
A couple thoughts on this (my
A couple thoughts on this (my DS12 is severely ADD)
1) My oldest brother is a counselor/therapist. His thoughts (he has 2 ADD sons) -- who ISN'T "labeled" in this day and age?
2) I agree with the poster about if your SD needed glasses, a cast, insulin... treatment doesn't automatically REQUIRE meds, sometimes counseling and behavior modification does the trick.
3) I watched my DS go thru hell and back trying to deal with his ADD. He was the laughing stock of his class(es) because he couldn't sit still, was always moving around, would blurt out anything at inappropriate times, the list goes on. Kids didn't want to be his friend because he was ALWAYS in trouble in school (not bad trouble like beating others up, just talking, wiggling, etc). He became extremely depressed, didn't like school, wouldn't even TRY to do well even though he is considered gifted. He took the attitude that he can't do anything right, so why try at all? Imagine a mom's heartbreak at hearing that from an 8 year old. And the coconut telegraph from one teacher to the next was incredible -- they all knew well in advance of the new school year what a "problem" he was, and that label continued to stick.
Going against many in my family (and even his own pediatrician at the time!) I had him tested by a pediatric neuropsychiatrist who said because of his degree of ADD, the best course would be meds and behavioral therapy.
I can honestly say that now, 4 years later (and a couple trials of different meds) my DS is a completely different child. He has friends, is doing extremely well at school (advanced courses), can focus in sports, and can actually carry on a delightful conversation without squirming and tapping and wringing, all the while looking around like he's chasing a fly with his eyes.