Found DH's secret stash of old photos online w/BM and ex-girlfriend!
So I go onto a photo site that we've been using since our wedding to reminisce, yet when I log on with what I think is our shared login, I find DH's own photo site with photos from his past. At first I thought it was nothing, until I noticed several photos of his ex-wife and ex-girlfriend in the mix. Mind you that most involved birthdays with SS9, but still...
I have to say that I cringe when I see a photo of his ex-wife, but as long as it stays in SS9's bedroom, I'm fine with it. But to find this, I don't even know what to say.
I understand saving old birthday photos for SS9, but why does he have to have a trip that he and his ex-girlfriend made together on there? Am I over-reacting? I just sent him an email letting him know that I found his online stash, and telling him that I thought it was a pretty shitty thing to do. The secrecy of it bothers me the most!
We bought an external hard-drive specifically so that we could save a lot of his old photos that were on the computer, a lot of which had his ex-wife. That way I didn't have to see her photos mixed in with my family's photos, and SS9 could still have them for the future. But now I find this...argh!!! WTF???
This is pretty depressing to me; I'm pretty bummed
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When dh and i were moving in
When dh and i were moving in together, i found old pics of wedding with bm and exs. Also a bunch of cards from bm when she was in college.
We threw most away and sent the letters back to her at sd request. She got very upset dh did not want them anymore.
I would be upset if i were you.
Well, if it is a site he used
Well, if it is a site he used to log into before, then I can see that maybe they are just there and he forgot about them. However, from what you say, I would think that you need some password or something and that possibly it is marked for your computer to remember a password with a specific login? If that is the case, then it means he actually goes to look at these now? I would be pissed. I would wait and give him a choice to delete the account, to delete the pictures...or print them and shove him up his a$$!
Are they just out there in
Are they just out there in cyberspace and he's long since forgotten about them? I have an on-line album that I created years ago for my horse show pics... I haven't looked at or done anything to it for years like I mean probably 6-7 years. I've just never deleted it.. I know it's still there because I'll get notifications every now and then that so many people have "viewed my album" this month or some dumb thing... again I don't even care, can barely even remember what pics I have on there. Maybe???? This is the case with your DH???
@ herewegoagain: The first
@ herewegoagain: The first account was created by the lady that did our wedding photos three years ago, and we kept adding albums to it (honeymoon, baby's birth, etc.). He apparently created another account using his main email address, and put these photos on there. They apparently both have the same password, as I found out the hard way.
The two email addresses are extremely similar, and we use this one for a lot of other things. So I just thought that's the one that he would have used. That's where I was wrong, and I am truly pissed about it.
@DaizyDuke, It doesn't say
@DaizyDuke, It doesn't say when the account was created, but DH didn't know about this site until after our wedding photographer had put them up there for us to download. He created his alternative site sometime after our wedding, so it wasn't a case of ooops, I forgot. We had already moved a bunch of photos to the external hard-drive long before that.
Oh darn! then I would be
Oh darn! then I would be super pissed and he would be deleting his little stash pronto or he could go view them at an apartment somewhere after I kicked his ass out. That is just wrong on so many levels! Sorry
...yea, just another thing to
...yea, just another thing to have to deal with. I know DH, and he's going to act like it's no big deal. You know, the old "I'm saving photos for SS9 so that he has something from his mom and dad together". I've seen those photos of BM at SS9's birthday before, and had gotten over that a long time ago. But for him to have somewhere that he's never told me about where he put photos of his ex-girlfriend...I just cannot believe it. He just didn't know how much this was going to hurt me, or he doesn't care. Either way, it's bad for me.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^Yes!! I'd
^^^^^^^^^^^^^Yes!! I'd definitely do this. That's me though, not saying I'm right or reasonable, but if he really wanted to keep them safe, he'd have put them on a flash drive and put that in the safe or safety deposit box or something.
If *I* came across this, POOF! They'd all be gone
What a shitty thing to come
What a shitty thing to come across. Sorry about that. I would delete them as well, but I would give him holy hell for hiding them and not telling you. No way would I just let this go. Trust is major in relationships, and he F'd up here. Sounds like a big, long talk is in order for you two.
Then I guess he wouldn't mind
Then I guess he wouldn't mind if I uploaded photos of ex-boyfriends...oh wait...I bet it would bother him. Like I said before, it's one thing to be honest about where you're putting photos. But to have a completely personal account on the same photo sharing site that we have as a family, but with a different yet very similar login, is beyond untrustworthy to me. If he had nothing to hide, he wouldn't have created a separate account in the first place.
I think youre micromanaging.
I think youre micromanaging. Everyone processes loss in their own way and their own time. You should apologize and then have an honest conversation with him about it (honest as in let him be honest with you by not being judgemental of him or personalizing it and making it about you).
I'm not micromanaging
I'm not micromanaging anything. I could give two shits if he has photos of his ex for the sake of his son. Like I said, it makes me uncomfortable, but I've long accepted that that's part of being with someone who was married before.
*But* I do have a problem with him having photos of his ex-girlfriend, who still talked to him *after* we were together but refused to meet me, on a website that he's never shared with me. If he was honest, then he would have told me about it. And that's what bothers me.
That's one thing that I always appreciated him for on this whole photo thing. Before, he had always been honest that he wanted to keep certain photos for the benefit of his son, and we worked out a good compromise of him downloading them to an external hard-drive so that I didn't have to stare at his ex's face every time that I wanted to browse through *my* family's photos.
Now, I think that it was dishonest of him to have done that without letting me know. If he already has them on our hard-drive, why would he do this?
No worries, we'll have a talk. And the talk will be about him being dishonest with me when I've been willing to compromise in the past for the benefit of everyone!!! It won't be me apologizing, because the email address used for these photos and our family's photos are exactly the same except for 3 additional digits (a junk email account he created)...with the same exact password! If I was snooping, I'd say so. But I wasn't.
Just a quick update: I talked
Just a quick update:
I talked with DH about it last night, and he claimed that they were on an old account. I then asked why the password on the account was the same password that we as a couple came up with together *after* we were married, and he didn't know. The only excuse he could come up with for that was that he may have reset the password when trying to access the account. That still doesn't make any sense to me, but I don't care. I told him that it's simple: him having photos saved for SS9 of his mom is fine. Him having photos of his ex-girlfriend and her child for SS9 doesn't make the same sense, and they need to go away. I don't care if he saves them to his hard-drive; they don't need to be on a public account.
Long story short, I told him that he needed to look at the account, and take those photos down. I'll talk with him again tonight to make sure that he followed through on it.
On a side note, DH has always had some old photos (digital and paper) of ex-girlfriends up to his first girlfriend from HS still, and I let that go years ago. I used to be much more jealous of that sort of thing in my younger years, but I became more secure with myself as I got older and wiser. My problem with this was the secrecy involved, since the account was obviously created and/or accessed *after* we got married. If he had nothing to hide, then he should have told me about it then...but he didn't! Nuf said.
Thanks for all of your comments and support. I love having a place to vent.
Good for you! Glad you and
Good for you! Glad you and DH were able to communicate effectively about it. That's the key to a great relationship/marriage. Honesty, openness and effective communication.
That said, I still would've deleted them when I had the chance. Oooooh, that's my EVIL Detroit Attitude coming out of me though! LMAO }:)