What would you say? Yes or no?

I can't believe this BS. So BM just texted DH asking him if she can take the kids on his weekend on the 20th of October for a Halloween party that she is planning. DH texted me to ask what I think.

We have shared custody with the kids (50/50). They rotate a week with us and then a week with her. She has them the weekend of the 27th of October so why plan the party on DH's time with the kids. Of course she'll want them to spend the night which means DH will lose an entire weekend with them and with how hectic the week is with both of us working full time and all three kids in school DH really only has the weekends to spend quality time with his kids.

Not to mention that she has them on the weekend of the 27th of October just before Halloween, plus she gets them on Halloween this year which just happens to fall on DH's week as well. When DH texted her as to why she doesn't plan it on her time she said that she has to work on the weekend of the 27th.

My opinion is, tough titty. She needs to figure it out for herself and not schedule stuff on DH's week. She could do it durring her week in early October. She could do it during the weekdays on one of her weeks. There are several options available to her other than taking the kids on DH's week and it's not our problem that she has to work. We don't ever plan sh!t like that on her weeks. We work around them.

A little background may be required for why I feel the way that I do.

Things BM has done.

1.) Stalked DH for the first year of our relationship. (By stalking I mean doing things like sitting outside the house at 3 am.)

2.) Called CPS on DH and filed false child abuse allegations and then blammed me for by saying that DH couldn't be trusted anymore because of the other influence in his life (me).

3.) Actively tried to break DH and I up for the first year of our relationship.

4.) Told SD that DH is the one that wanted the divorce. Which makes SD think that DH ruined the family and caused serious issues between SD's and DH's relationship.

5.) Showed up at the house multiple times when DH and I were at work without our approval or knowledge of it. (The neighbors told us.)

6.) Sent DH texts telling him that she was in love with him still throughout the first year of our relationship and wouldn't stop even when DH told her he wasn't interested.

7.) Sent DH pictures of herself throughout the first year of our relationship.

8.) Told SD that if Unhappy and Daddy aren't getting along that mommy and daddy will get married again. (SD did everything she could to mkae my life hell with that one.) Told SD that mommy and daddy are going to get married again. Told SD that mommy's sad because mommy and daddy aren't married anymore. (You can imagine what this did to a 5 year old.)

9.) Constantly tries to threaten and bully DH into doing something when she doesn't get her way.

10.) Pulled some BS with my BD after she was told to stay away from her where she showed up at my BD's school when she was 5 and was talking to her out on the playground asking her if she wanted to come over and play at her house.

11.) Just tried to tell me recently that DH was abusive towards SD. (Right b!tch. Like I'm going to believe a thing that comes out of your mouth not to mention that I live with DH and I have never seen him be physically violent with the kids or anyone for that matter.)

These are the ones that I can remember right off of the top of my head. There's more.

So what would you guys do. Let the kids go or say F^CK NO?

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Tell her yes on the condition

Tell her yes on the condition that dh gets to have them the next two weekends in a row (or whatever extra weekend) to make up the time. If she wont agree to that then tell her sorry its my weekend. Make sure that you document it (in writing - text or email). You could also offer to bring them to the party and then pick them up and take them home with you when its over.

^^^^THIS^^^^

It won't matter if she agrees

It won't matter if she agrees to it. It doesn't mean she has to follow it. The CO trumps an email everyday of the week and all she has to do is say no which she has done before.

She wouldn't let us take the kids for one day on her week to go see their great grandfather before he passed away. We would have left on a Firday and made the 7 hour drive over to their house and would have been back on Monday which happened to be her day. In stead of agreeing to she told DH that they will be following the CO and she will retrieve the kids on Sunday night even though every exchange was done on Monday up until that point. So the kids great grandfather, who would cry every time we left because he thought it was going to be the last time seeing the kids, never got to see them before he passed away.

Then tell her sorry, but no

Then tell her sorry, but no its our weekend. If your dh wants to go strictly by the court order than he should enforce his parenting time.

Be careful about telling her

Be careful about telling her no.... just remember that if down the road you ever have something come up where you want to change a weekend, your decision here could very well effect HER decision then.

IMHO? It's just one weekend... by saying no the kids lose out by not getting to have fun at a Halloween Party... while I totally understand it sucks to "cave" to BM demands, in this case???? Just let her have them

We are more than willing to

We are more than willing to work with her. She just kept the kids for extra days on DH's week when she took them to California. And she had them for extra days on DH's week before that.

It's not that we aren't willing to work with her. She needs to schedule this type of stuff on her weeks. The kids won't miss out on the party because she has to reschedule it for another day on her week.

We never ask to trade weekends. DH has gotten to the point that he will not ask for any changes. He follows the CO to the T. She's the one that is always asking to take the kids on DH's time.

I'd let them go. More SOLO

I'd let them go. More SOLO time for you and DH!

It's never solo time between

It's never solo time between DH and I. I have my BD full time. So there's always a kid around.

Yes, but it's YOUR kid. YOUR

Yes, but it's YOUR kid. YOUR kid is always better than SKIDS isn't it? I'd do what the other poster said, make her take them 2 weeks in a row.

We have my BD all of the time

We have my BD all of the time so it's never kid free for DH and I.

Tell her NO. She has them

Tell her NO. She has them half the time. She needs to learn to plan to parent on her parenting time, and not to make plans that involve the kids for your DH's parenting time. You can let the kids know that DH isn't the one keeping them from the party. Their mom evidently didn't really plan for them to attend because she planned the party for a time she knew she didn't have them.

The party is for next month.

The party is for next month. That gives her plenty of time to plan it on her time. The kids won't miss out on anything becuase she will be forced to plan it on her time.

I would let them go. But

I would let them go. But only because it would mean they are not around me. lol

I can understand when you

I can understand when you have EOW visitation only and missing a weekend means not seeing the kid for 3 weeks or more...and even then, I think that sometimes we as adults need to suck it up...But he has 50/50? What's the big deal? Geez, if these BMs didn't do ANYTHING for their kids, you would complain too.

If you already had specific plans, ie. going to a wedding, going out of town or something similar, then I understand saying no...otherwise, it is truly just a power struggle...and that is a shame.

PS - all of your reasons have NOTHING to do with the kid...just your own anger

P.S. How about this which I

P.S.

How about this which I posted earier. This has nothing to do with my anger towards her.

This was last May. He hadn't seen the kids since the summer of the previous year.

This is how it is with her. And just because we have the kids 50% of the time doesn't give her the right to plan sh!t on DH's week when she has ample time to plan the same thing durring her time. Bottom line is, why should DH give up his parenting time when she will eff him over just because? The kids won't miss out on anything because SHE will PLAN the PARTY on HER TIME.

I agree with herewegoagain.

I agree with herewegoagain. Every poster has given various suggestions. If you already know what you are going to do then do that; if you dont like any of the suggestions and dont know what you are going to do then dont do anything - let your husband handle it. But please do not argue against everything we suggest. We offer suggestiongs to help, not to have anger projected onto us.

Im not being antagonistic.

I am not arguing with all of

I am not arguing with all of the posters. I am just stating my case. We won't have a kid free weekend because we have my BD all of the time. She can plan the party on one of her days. She has a month to figure it out. The kids won't miss out on the party. Believe me, she's not going to throw a Halloween party for the kids without the kids being there. We are constantly letting her take the kids on DH's weeks to go camping with her or to see her family in California.

I just know her. DH can bend over backwards to try and do everything she says and she will eff him over in a minute. That's just her nature. So why should DH give up his time with his kids because she would rather schedule a party durring his time instead of hers? The kids won't miss out on anything because she'll just change the date of the party. I'm assuming that if she has to work the weekend of the 27th it won't be all day and all night. She has plenty of options available to her. And DH already told her no and that she needs to plan these things on her time with the kids.

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What would you say? Yes or no?

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